dorettas@tekecs.UUCP (Doretta Schrock) (01/15/86)
Concerning the parent with the 2 1/2 year old who still
wants a bottle:
I kept waiting for someone to say this but no one did so
now I'll try presenting a little different viewpoint from
what I've seen so far.
I agree with the poster who said you can't take it away
and then give it back when your child cries and accomplish
anything good. But maybe you need to take one step back
and look at why you usually give in. I know that when I
really believe that what I'm doing is the best thing for
Sarah, my three year old, I can hold out against almost
any amount of crying, even when I know she is crying from
real emotional pain on her part and not just trying to
manipulate me. But if I'm not really sure that it's really
for her good, it is almost impossible.
Kids form emotional attachments to comfort objects and comfort
behaviors. Maybe intellectually you believe it is time for
your child to give up the bottle, maybe it is embarrassing to
you to have your child still want a bottle at that age, but
deep down you believe your child really needs that
bottle for emotional support. On the other hand, maybe there
are really good reasons, like its better for teeth not to have
milk or juice in the mouth at bedtime, why that bottle really
needs to go.
My suggestion is to examine your motives. If you really know why
you want to get rid of the bottle, it might be easier. You might
decide that the bottle is really necessary for a while yet. If
that is the case, you might try finding something else, like a
stuffed animal or something, that you can start treating as a
comfort object in the hope that your child will voluntarily switch
at some point. You might also try gradually helping to distance
the child from the bottle. Cuddle a lot before bedtime some
night when the child is feeling especially good and suggest that
just for tonight we can probably leave the bottle on the shelf
but it is there if you really need it. Kids want to please their
parents, if it doesn't take on the trappings of a power struggle
you have a much better chance of getting what you want pleasantly.
At 2 1/2 being a big kid and not a baby often begins to be
important and you might be able to use that to good advantage.
Kids who have seemed hopelessly addicted to something like a bottle
or a favorite blanket have been known to just spontaneously hand
them over one day with absolutely no warning just bacause they
have decided they are big enough not to need such things anymore.
If you decide it is really important to get rid of the bottle for
the child's own good then I think previous advice is right. Make
it as easy as you can by offering substitutes, making deals about
something special you'll do the next day, or whatever. But then
let the crying happen. Let them know you understand how hard it
is, if they'll listen, but don't give in. Crying is a legitimate
response to losing something that has played an important part in
your life for as long as you can remember. I believe it will
actually help them get over the loss.
Good luck,
Doretta Schrock
{most any backbone machine}!tektronix!tekecs!dorettas