avolio@decuac.UUCP (Frederick M. Avolio) (01/20/86)
My 4 year old son won't eat. Okay. "So, what else is new?" you say.
Well, I am really looking for advice anyway. I know lots of kids don't
eat. I am asking what to do in the mean time. (Before he starts to eat or
gets married.)
He (and his sister -- 2) used to eat better. He's recently cut out fruits.
No vegetables. Now all he eats are eggs, bread, peanut butter, cheese,
hot dogs, and sometimes ham or bologna. Now before I get letters saying
how nutritious peanut butter is, etc. let me just say I know. What I want
to know is, how do you handle it? Do we just give him what he wants?
("Hey! I'm not running a diner, ya' know!") Or do we just feed him what
we eat and if he wants to go hungry he can. (No kid ever starved himself
to death with food on the table.) What do we do?
Please write -- don't post! -- and I promise I will save all replies and
send them all to the net. All except those that start "Well, I don't have
kids, but it seems to me that they are just little adults and if you
reasoned with them and explained how things are...." (Please don't write
if you think kids are little adults. My parents taught me not to
correspond with anyone from another planet.)
Fred Avolio
uucp - {seismo,decvax,cbosgd}!decuac!avolio
from arpaland send via seismo (decuac!avolio@seismo.css.gov)
from enetland, decuac::avoliostacie@ut-ngp.UUCP (Stacie McGill) (01/21/86)
My gosh, there are other people with this problem! My son is about to turn four and he has also stopped eating fruits and vegetables. He will rarely eats any type of meat except weiners (loves them), bologna (sometimes), and maybe a bite of hamburger meat. I also would like to hear suggestions on how to solve this problem. Stacie Mcgill stacie@ngp.UTEXAS.EDU
suze@terak.UUCP (Suzanne Barnett) (01/23/86)
> My 4 year old son won't eat. Okay. "So, what else is new?" you say. > Well, I am really looking for advice anyway. I know lots of kids don't My 5 year old step daughter is much the same. Hates most vegies, a lot of fruits and anything she hasn't tried before. We insist that she have some of everything that is on the table on her plate, and that she eat three or four bites (regular sized, not the tiny one pea or one grain of rice spoonfuls she sometimes tries) of each item. We will sit with her (the entire family) until WE think she is finished. Peer pressure from her siblings (hurry up so we can go play, etc.) is useful. After she is finished, if it is available, we have dessert. If in our opinion she ate enough nutritious food, she may have some, otherwise, she doesn't get dessert. We do try to serve a variety of foods so it isn't always a struggle, but, there are VERY few vegies Annie will eat willingly. Be aware though, that there is a difference in refusing to eat because the child doesn't want/like what is served, and eating less than what the parent might expect because of lack of hungar (which could be that s/he needs less than you think). I also have a 14 year old step daughter with the same problem. She's too old for the first steps mentioned, but we do withhold dessert when needed. -- Suzanne Barnett-Scott uucp: ...{decvax,ihnp4,noao,savax,seismo}!terak!suze CalComp/Sanders Display Products Division 14151 N 76th Street, Scottsdale, AZ 85260 (602) 998-4800
smuga@mtuxo.UUCP (j.smuga) (01/24/86)
I've got the same problem: two picky eaters, ages 7 and 8. (Did someone say this mostly happens to boys? Mine are both girls.) It's been this way for years. Obviously, I don't have the solution; if I did, I wouldn't have the problem. I can offer some observations, based on years of experience. 1. It's really more *my* problem than theirs. I am the one who worries about their nutrition, and I am the one whose feelings are hurt when my good cooking is rejected. ( I don't force them to eat anything, I do insist that they taste it.) 2. Their health hasn't suffered. 3. Some strange food choices may provide good nutrition. My kids won't eat cooked vegetables, but they love frozen green beans. I mean they eat them still frozen. Well, it's no extra work for me! During their preschool years, when they swore off meat and eggs, I used to fix them "eggnog" for breakfast: eggs, milk, honey and vanilla extract whipped togther in the blender (I forget the exact proportions). For my 8-year-old, who won't drink milk, I fix puddings and cheese omelets. 4. I've tried the old trick of involving them in food preparation. They *love* to cook, but it doesn't follow that they will eat well. 5. Why is it that they help themselves to salad while I'm fixing it, but won't eat it once it's on the table? (At least they're eating it.) 6. Just when I think I know what they will and won't eat, they change their minds. So I prepare what I think is a great favorite, and then no one eats it. Anyway, I find it easier to live with this than to try to change it, if it can be changed at all. -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Janet Smuga I've had a great many troubles in my time, ihnp4!mtuxo!smuga and most of them never happened. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
slb@drutx.UUCP (Sue Brezden) (01/24/86)
I thought all kids did this at some time. Some do it early, and then
some (maybe the same ones) go through a similar period in teenage when
nothing but pizza and hamburgers will do. Both my daughters went through
this both times. I'm not sure my advice is worth anything--because they
are still in it. (They are 12 and 18.) No one in my family likes what
anyone else likes. My husband and I love Chinese food--the 12 year old
hates it, but loves broccoli, which the 18 year old can't stand, and so
on.
My reaction was to throw up my hands, decide that the kid would
probably not starve to death willingly, and buy some vitamins. The
vitamins were for my peace of mind as much as anything else--I won't
have to explain to my doctor why my child has beri-beri.
My attitude is: "I fix something for dinner. If you don't like it,
fine, you don't have to eat it. But I won't fix anything else just for
you. I do require that if you have not tasted something in a year, that
you take a taste to make sure that your taste buds haven't altered and you
now like it. (The children screamed at that one at first, but after a few
incidents of discovering something wonderful that they thought they hated,
they agreed that this happens.) If you are old enough to open the fridge,
and want to fix something for yourself to eat instead, fine."
I try to alternate--fix something one person likes one night, and
something for someone else another night. I try to keep healthy
snacks about like apples and granola bars and peanut butter. I also
use this method on my husband, who is just as picky. (He won't eat beef,
egg yolks, tomato sauce--none of these for health reasons, just taste.
Of course, the girls love anything with hamburger and tomato sauce.:-)
I often just declare snack nights--when everyone fixes whatever they
want for themselves.
This may be a bad method, because we seldom sit down to dinner (this
came about for other reasons, too--trying to get all 4 of us in one
place at one time is a pain. You will hit this problem when your
young ones get older and have their own activities.) But I have other
things to worry about. My mother thinks I am crazy and a bad mother for
not supervising every bite that goes into their mouths. (She used to
fix 3 large meals a day and make us clean up our plates--something I
suspect hasn't helped my weight problem.) But on the good side, everyone
in the family has learned to cook on their own. And I get fewer ulcers.
I guess my main advice is to find something that is comfortable for you.
If you feel bad with yourself if the child doesn't eat a balanced meal,
then you may want to force them. (It's always been my feeling that
it is not so much *what* is done to the child, as how good the parents
feel about it--we all have our parenting style. Note this goes out
the window for true abuse and neglect!)
Sorry to make this so long. Just a ramblin' person today.
--
Sue Brezden
ihnp4!drutx!slb
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To search for perfection is all very well,
But to look for heaven is to live here in hell.
--Sting
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~mim@ihnp3.UUCP (M. K. Fenlon) (01/24/86)
Hillary had lots of up's and down's in her appetite over her 8 years. Within moderation, we let her because Jim and I both had parents that pushed food. We both have a hard time with weight control. Hillary is slender and I think that she has a chance to stay that way. Kid's will not starve themselves. They may have better knowledge of their own needs. Vegetables and fruit may give more roughage then their bodies can handle some times. May be they need more sugar and starches than you do. Check this out but I think the figures for a child's diet are 30% protien 50% carbohydrate 20% fat and 1200 to 1500 calories per day between 5 and 9 years. The biggest thing is DON'T MAKE A BIG DEAL OF FOOD. Don't make it a symbol of you love. Don't feel that if your children do not eat when you expect or what you expect, that you are failing as a parent. If you think this attitude makes Hillary a fussy eater, don't worry. She eats Thai, Indian, Chineze, American, Mexican and many other varieties of food. She won't eat mushrooms, but Jim realized that she has an allergy to fungus so may be her appetite knows best! Mary Fenlon
slb@drutx.UUCP (Sue Brezden) (01/24/86)
> >6. Just when I think I know what they will and won't eat, they change >their minds. So I prepare what I think is a great favorite, and then >no one eats it. >Janet Smuga Ain't it the truth. And it's usually just after I've told someone else. My mother asks "Does Jean like orange goat cheese?" and I say "She hates it--can't stand to see it on the table." Then she gobbles it up. And Mom looks at me with that "You don't know your own kid" look. But that's probably the least of it when it comes to kids embarrassing you. Isn't it wonderful when they tell the family secrets to strangers? Or when they sneeze right into a stranger's face at a train station? -- Sue Brezden ihnp4!drutx!slb ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To search for perfection is all very well, But to look for heaven is to live here in hell. --Sting ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
avolio@decuac.UUCP (Frederick M. Avolio) (01/29/86)
Well, I got quite a few responses to my posting on the subject and as
promised here is my article again followed by -- complete and unedited --
the suggestions I got. I will let you all know of any positive results.
Thanks to all for sharing your thoughts, ideas and schemes. Also, I am
grateful that most of you honored my request to mail rather than posting
follow-ups.
Fred
----------------
My 4 year old son won't eat. Okay. "So, what else is new?" you say.
Well, I am really looking for advice anyway. I know lots of kids don't
eat. I am asking what to do in the mean time. (Before he starts to eat or
gets married.)
He (and his sister -- 2) used to eat better. He's recently cut out fruits.
No vegetables. Now all he eats are eggs, bread, peanut butter, cheese,
hot dogs, and sometimes ham or bologna. Now before I get letters saying
how nutritious peanut butter is, etc. let me just say I know. What I want
to know is, how do you handle it? Do we just give him what he wants?
("Hey! I'm not running a diner, ya' know!") Or do we just feed him what
we eat and if he wants to go hungry he can. (No kid ever starved himself
to death with food on the table.) What do we do?
Please write -- don't post! -- and I promise I will save all replies and
send them all to the net. All except those that start "Well, I don't have
kids, but it seems to me that they are just little adults and if you
reasoned with them and explained how things are...." (Please don't write
if you think kids are little adults. My parents taught me not to
correspond with anyone from another planet.)
===============================================
Date: Sun, 19 Jan 86 21:32:54 est
From: Beth Katz <seismo!gymble.umd.edu!umcp-cs!beth>
Organization: University of Maryland, College Park
I don't have kids ..... (I've read that I need to add that disclaimer)
If you want to ignore what I write, fine. I don't think kids are
little adults. I think that adults are often just big kids :-).
My parents rarely served us special dinners. If we didn't like what
was being served, well, we could just go without dessert. They also
encouraged us to eat one bite of the offending food. "One of these
days you'll find that you like it." As someone who didn't like eggs,
cheese, crab, or brussel sprouts, I must say that at least for me,
they were right. How could I ever not like those things?! I'm not
sure that the 'eat or no dessert' created a good approach to sweets,
but I'm not great at child psychology. My aunt and uncle serve four
different meals (one for themselves and one for each of the three
kids). What a pain. If you are concerned with the balance of your
child's tastes, you might try to include a multivitamin, but I'd
just figure they would get over it. If you could encourage a single
bite here and there and not make a big deal over it, I'd imagine
you'd succeed.
Beth Katz
===============================================
Date: Mon, 20 Jan 86 16:37:23 est
From: rew@cbosgd.ATT.UUCP (Bob Warren)
Actually, your list of foods eaten is long by some standards. I have
two kids who are going through the same sort of thing--no end to it yet
even though they are 6 & 9 (the baby still eats anything, thank god).
We've tried a mixture of insisting they eat SOME of what we are serving
and letting them eat something from their 'acceptable' list. For example,
if we are having macaroni & cheese (which one will eat and the other not),
the non eater is allowed to go get some vanilla yogurt, a bowl and spoon
and serve himself. My wife leans toward feeding them what they will
eat, while I lean towards autocratic repression--a compromise is usually
arrived at.
If you haven't read it, the book by the Hoban's "Bread & Jam for Francis"
is a humorous story on the subject that kids love (but refuse to live
by its moral).
Bob Warren
cbosgd!rew
===============================================
Date: Mon, 20 Jan 86 13:34:01 est
From: aplvax!osiris!jcp (Jody Patilla)
Fred, dear heart, when I was a kid I never ate anything (well, now and then,
maybe). I drove my parents crazy because I had no interest in food at all.
I even tried to talk them out of making me eat lunch (didn't work). For
6 solid years I ate opeanut butter and apple jelly sandwiches every day for
lunch. And see ? it doesn't seemed to have hurt me. My parents used to
insist that I eat at least a bite of everything (tho' admittedly ours was
a limited menu in those days) and I can remember sitting at the table
for two hours at times since I wasn't allowed to leave until I had eaten
something (and NO DESSERT, of course). True, I was kinda pale and thin
when I was little, but hey, I filled out. And now I love raw fish and
squid and alls kinds of strange things.
My parents gave in or worked around some things, and put their feet down
on some others. Seems to me I also recalll having some things snuck into
food on me - if I didn't know what it was and it was made to seem
important or grownup, I could be persuaded to try it. I don't recall ever
going hungry, either. If Michael won't eat veggies, what about fruit or
fruit juices ? Mom preserved lots of fruits and I ate a little bowl at
every meal. Drank lots of milk, too (probably the single best thing). I
grew out of it about the time I hit adolescence at which point I ate everything
in sight - cleaned all my friend's trays off in the cafeteria every day.
(then of course, the folks started complaining about how much it cost to
feed me). Curiously, my brother has always enjoyed eating everything, ever sincehe was a baby. Mother attributes this to her eating asparagus and chicken\
livers when she was pregnant (too sick to eat when I was coming along).
Clarice
===============================================
Date: Tue, 21 Jan 86 09:47:15 est
From: fox@nimbus.DEC (Roberta L. Fox DTN 297-2110)
Dear Fred:
First, my bonafides: I'm the mother of a five and a half year
old (and don't think the half year doesn't make a difference!)
daughter.
You didn't make clear what, in particular, bothers you
about your son not eating: does it create a lot of work for you
and/or yours? Is it because he's setting a bad example for his
younger sister? etc.? Therefore, my response to you has to be
very general, and assumes that your son is getting reasonably
adequate nutrition, and has no health problems/dietary
restrictions.
My experience with my own kid, confirmed by observations
of other peoples' kids (and conversations with the parents), is
that the age of four is when kids really begin to assert
themselves as independent beings. However, these independent
beings tend to be conservative, wanting many things in the same
way, at the same time of day, i.e., they like routine, if _they_
can control it to some extent. One of the things they tend to
want to control is what they eat.
Since I don't know your specific situation, my best suggestion
to you is to refrain from "slugging it out" with your son;
provide him with the food that he wants, but don't knock
yourselves out over it. If you're making stir-fried
veggies for yourselves, don't hassle making a hot dog as well;
give him peanut butter.
BTW, while I certainly don't think that children are
"little adults" (I'm more inclined to think that most adults are
"big children"), I've found that reasoning with a kid on a
limited basis works. For example, you might
want to give your son vitamins to make up for what he doesn't get
in the way of vegetables and fruits. He may balk at this;
explaining why you're making him take them, rather than just "because
I say so", may not seem to make a difference now, but increases
your chance of getting cooperation at a later battle.
Another thought (warning: MAJOR BIAS ABOUT TO APPEAR!):
if you allow your children things with sugar (white, brown, corn
syrup, honey) and white flour (e.g., white bread, white pasta as
opposed to Superoni or whole wheat pasta), you might want to
experiment with cutting down. I've found that
when my daughter eats those things, her appetite goes bonkers in
strange ways; foods that she normally loves (such as frozen peas
-- cooked, of course), totally lose their appeal.
I'm sure there's lots of nutritional references and
psycho-babble I or someone else could come up with to buttress my
points; however, I'm an engineer, not a social scientist, and
besides, I'm from the "show-me" state. I hope this helps; feel
free to get back to me if you have other questions, or if I'm not
adequately addressing your concerns.
Bobbi
aka Roberta Fox
NIMBUS::FOX
DTN 297-2110
Marlborough
===============================================
Date: Tue, 21 Jan 86 11:40:57 est
From: ihnp4!ihlpa!ibyf
There is a comic strip called _Calvin_and_Hobbs_ is funny but once the kid
wouldn't eat his veggies so his father told him it was toxic nuclear waste
and if he ate it he would disinegrate, so the kid starts wolfing it down.
(Might work?) What I do with my kids is forcefully tell them to eat a few
times and then (if they still refuse) tell them if they don't eat it now
they'll get it later. (i.e. at supper "Fine then you can have it for break-
fast) after you do this a few times (I mean really do it!) they catch on.
Also, if you know the child doesn't like something, just give him/her a
little bit (like a tablespoon or so) and reward them for finishing *ALL*
their dinner. I don't think any one technique will help. You've got to
mix approaches to keep the kids off balance, and to keep your sanity!
GOOD LUCK!
Dave Scott
ihnp4!ihlpa!ibyf
Great! I'm about to get killed a million miles from
no where with a gung-ho iguana telling me to relax!
===============================================
Date: Tue, 21 Jan 86 16:55:16 est
From: kaiser@belker.DEC (Pete Kaiser, 225-5441, HLO2-1/N10)
Fred --
Just saw your note in "net.kids", and my first thought was "Why try to make him
eat? How's his health?"
If he's in good health, and his eating habits don't seem to be having any bad
effect, what's the point of trying to force him to change? Lots of adult food
habits aren't nutritional, but social. If he's doing okay, I'd say to leave his
eating habits alone.
This has another good potential effect: it removes food and eating habits from
the arena of things he'll use to annoy you. In our family, with our 4-year-
old, there's scarcely any food discipline except the very idea of mealtimes, and
some limitations on candy. Mimi has no trouble complying with these. She often
doesn't eat what we're eating (we're having fish soup and she's having ANOTHER
peanut-butter-and-honey sandwich!), but she's in fine health. Why argue with
success? She obviously knows what she's doing, in a sense, and I honestly don't
care to struggle with her about food unless there's some very clear benefit.
In a few words: unless your son's health is involved ... relax.
---Pete
Kaiser%BELKER.DEC@decwrl.arpa
{allegra|decvax|ihnp4|ucbvax}!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-belker!kaiser
DEC, 77 Reed Road (HLO2-1/N10), Hudson MA 01749 617-568-5441
===============================================
Posted-Date: Tue, 21 Jan 86 12:28:42 est
Date: Tue, 21 Jan 86 12:28:42 est
From: decvax!linus!raybed2!rayssd!dpw (Darryl P. Wagoner)
I have a five year old that just went through the not eating and
also not sleeping. I feel that letting him eat what everyone
else eats or go hungry within reason works the best. My four year
old is also going through a phase of not eating food that are
mixed up together. This is very common in 4-5 year old range.
The big don't, is to give him any attention because of it. He
will out grow it.
Not eat also may be BUT NOT NECESSARY a symptom of child abuse.
If that is the only symptom of child abuse that he has I wouldn't
worry about it just a phase. But if he is having problems sleeping,
withdrawing, bad dreams, etc. You might then start considering
child abuse as a possible. Both my ex and my wife's ex abuse our
children. I am going to court tomorrow to remove the rest of the
visitation from my ex-wife.
Let me know how things work out.
Darryl Wagoner
Raytheon Co.; Portsmouth RI; (401)-847-8000 x4089
...!decvax!brunix!rayssd!dpw
...!allegra!rayssd!dpw
...!linus!rayssd!dpw
===============================================
From: seismo!ihnp4!tektronix!athena!charliem
Return-Path: <charliem@athena>
Comment: Message received over unauthenticated port at tektronix
Organization: Tektronix, Inc., Beaverton, OR.
Date: 21 Jan 86 14:50:07 PST (Tue)
I have absolutely no useful help, only wanted to say thanks for such a
great posting and you have my sympathy. We have girls one and a half
and five and a half who won't eat. We sorta run a diner. My wife ends
up giving the baby the ice cream carton right out of the freezer in the
evening, knowing that if she don't eat she'll wake up all night! And
we're anti-sugar fanatics. Add ketchup to your list. This is one of
the cliches about kids that seem to have been true since the beginning
of time.
-- Charlie Mills
..{ucbvax,decvax,uw-beaver,hplabs,ihnp4,allegra}!tektronix!athena!charliem
===============================================
Date: Wed, 22 Jan 86 09:17:06 EST
From: <seismo!umcp-cs!aplcen!uucp>
>From smith Wed Jan 22 08:47 EST 1986 remote from cp1
In-reply-to: your article <774@decuac.UUCP>
I have a son who will 5 in a couple of weeks and we have had the same problem
with him not eating "properly". We tried several approaches but the one that
worked for us was telling him that we would not fix him something different
than what we were eating and that he could eat or not. Also, we insisted
that he could not leave the table until we were finished.
By the way, in the last 3 weeks he has started eating what's on his
plate again, so our neighbors were right in saying that it's just a phase.
Good luck! (You'll need it if you were raised like I was, to "eat every-
thing on your plate".)
-Steven Smith
C & P Telephone
Washington, D.C.
===============================================
Date: Mon, 20 Jan 86 23:58:20 PST
From: seismo!hao!sdcsvax!jack!man!rgale
My first suggestion is not to try to force him. My father tells me that I
used to like cheese until he 'made' me eat it one night. I still dislike it.
My kid went through the same thing -- in fact, still goes through it (he's 10).
I'd serve him his dinner and be told that he hated it. "Oh? You liked it
well enough when we had it last week." "No I didn't! I've NEVER liked it!"
But it's even money that two months later he'll ask why we never have such-
and-such any more -- it's his favorite food, doncha know...
My advice -- for what little it's worth -- is to let it slide. Mine lived on
peanut butter for most of a year -- yes, it _is_ nutritious. You can spread
it on celery for a treat; all sorts of things. As long as he's getting the
basic requirements (vitamins help a lot!), don't sweat the finickiness; it'll
pass.
As a rule, I've found it easy enough not to prepare meals that contain items
he currently hates. On the other hand, when tonight's the night that he
decides he hates whatever it is we're having, that's tough -- "This is what
we're having for dinner. Eat it or don't." Sometimes he does; sometimes he
doesn't; I can't believe that missing a meal will cause any permanent damage.
Children as small adults? Gimme a break! I forget who said it, but one of
my favorite quotations is "You can no more think like a baby than you can
think like a bee." Small children are much closer to babies (and bees) than
to adults.
At least, at this point, mine is [arguably] a sentient being.
Good luck, hang in there -- keep reminding yourself that these are the years
that you're supposed to be enjoying your kids the most! I already miss my
five-year-old, but at the time I wouldn't have given even odds that he'd
live to see six! (Right now, eleven gets shakier each day...)
---
-----
Ryan Gale
{ihnp4, akgua, decvax} !sdcsvax!man!rgale
===============================================
Posted-Date: Wed, 22 Jan 86 12:14:46 pst
Date: Wed, 22 Jan 86 12:14:46 pst
From: seismo!lll-crg!amdcad!decwrl!glacier!oliveb!tymix!adams (Christina E. Adams)
Organization: Tymnet NTD, Cupertino CA
In article <774@decuac.UUCP> you write:
>My 4 year old son won't eat. Okay. "So, what else is new?" you say.
>Well, I am really looking for advice anyway. I know lots of kids don't
>eat. I am asking what to do in the mean time. (Before he starts to eat or
>gets married.)
>
>He (and his sister -- 2) used to eat better. He's recently cut out fruits.
>No vegetables. Now all he eats are eggs, bread, peanut butter, cheese,
>hot dogs, and sometimes ham or bologna. Now before I get letters saying
>how nutritious peanut butter is, etc. let me just say I know. What I want
>to know is, how do you handle it? Do we just give him what he wants?
>("Hey! I'm not running a diner, ya' know!") Or do we just feed him what
>we eat and if he wants to go hungry he can. (No kid ever starved himself
>to death with food on the table.) What do we do?
I have 2 girls. One is 13 and a solid healthy 120 pounds at 5'3". THe
other is 7 and is my step-daughter who lives in another state with her mother
most of the year and with us in the summer.(this is a real trauma, but not the
point). When Jennifer - the older one was around 4 I noticed the same
kind of thing, although I also noticed it changed about every week. OK, fine
this week you dont like carrots, last week it was corn,
OH, I see, corn is ok this week, and so on. Let me add that Jennifer
did at the time(and still does) get plenty of exercise.
Anyway, I put a *reasonable* amount of food on her plate - she could
eat it or not and if she didn't clean her plate - no dessert. I never
had any problem getting her to eat enough. I still don't, even though
her firends are very calorie concious. She belongs to the swim team and
swims 2 miles a day, belongs to 2 girl scout troops, one is into
overnight bicycle trips 50 or so miles and the other is into backpacking.
Oh, and she is an ice skater - goes to competitions and all. She has
a great appetite and burns it up.
Katie is a very picky eater. She is underweight. When she was 4 she
weighed 40 pounds, when she arrived last summer, she was 7 and 45 pounds.
She never wanted to eat and hates everything. Katie's favorite thing
to do in the whole wide world is draw. She's not very social and is
not athletic. At school during recess when the other kids play kickball
she just goes to the library and draws.
This is nothing new. She's been like that since she was 2. When
she came down last summer it was no different. The house rule is that
even if you *don't like* something, you still have to take 1 bite.
Katie would throw a tantrum (at 7!). We would send her to time out.
Ruining everyone's dinner wasn't helping anything.
I work during the day and had arranged for the kids to do various things.
Katie went to girl scout day camps, took gymnastics and swimming lessons,
and ice skating lessons. In the evenings I taught her how to ride a bike.
Jennifer taught her to roller skate. She was one *busy* little girl and
she really started to have *fun*. She didn't do alot of drawing this summer and
don't get me wrong I don't have anything against art.
After a week or so, I noticed that she was
not only eating reasonably but asking for seconds of the things she *hated(?)*
when she first came down here. So, it may be that channeling your
youngster's energy into some constructive exercise could increase his
appetite and make him more willing for variety. Last August when Katie
got on the plane to go home, she weighed in at 52 pounds. (a gain of
more than 10% of her body weight!)
Katie's parents would find things that she liked and feed them to her all the
like scrambled eggs. Easy to fix and she'd eat them the poor kid had
scrambled eggs coming out of her ears. She's still not fond of them.
They also felt that Kate's refusal of foods was her way of experimenting
with control of her world. I think she is underactive and doesn't
need the calories.
Katie also still sucks her thumb.
There may be a *reason* other than a stage he's going through. BOth
of the above examples kind of have a lot to do with personality not
to mention environment. When we saw Katie for christmas it was easy to see
that she had lost all the weight that she had brought home with her that summer.A quick trip to the scales verified that.
Maybe this isn't any help to you, but it may be interesting.
--
-Christie Adams
{...sun!ios ...hplabs|fortune!oliveb}!tymix!adams
186,000 miles per second. It's not just a good idea...
It's the law!!
===============================================
From: seismo!ihnp4!tektronix!tekgvs!keithe
Return-Path: <keithe@tekgvs>
Comment: Message received over unauthenticated port at tektronix
Organization: Tektronix, Inc., Beaverton, OR.
Date: 22 Jan 86 13:37:20 PST (Wed)
I always try to keep in mind two things, maybe even in order:
(1) who is in charge here?
(2) what is the kid learning as a result of whatever course
of action I take in this particular case?
If he's in charge, uh-oh! And what are you there for except to acquiese
to his desires and provide for his every want?
If he's learning that I'll provide only what he wants to eat, he's
learning that the world will conform to him and perhaps come to
expect it. Uh-ho!
That's my way of thinking; you are of course completely free to
ignore it. Many do :-)
keith
Keith Ericson at TekLabs (resident factious factotum)
Tektronix, PO 500, MS 58-383 Beaverton OR 97077 (503)627-6042
uucp:[ucbvax|decvax|ihnp4|(and_many_others)]!tektronix!tekgvs!keithe
CSnet:keithe@tek ARPAnet: keithe.tek@rand-relay
===============================================
Path: decuac!cvl!umcp-cs!seismo!hao!noao!terak!suze
From: suze@terak.UUCP
Message-ID: <1014@terak.UUCP>
Date: 23 Jan 86 17:38:38 GMT
References: <774@decuac.UUCP>
Organization: Calcomp Display Products Division, Scottsdale, AZ, USA
Lines: 32
> My 4 year old son won't eat. Okay. "So, what else is new?" you say.
> Well, I am really looking for advice anyway. I know lots of kids don't
My 5 year old step daughter is much the same. Hates most
vegies, a lot of fruits and anything she hasn't tried before.
We insist that she have some of everything that is on the
table on her plate, and that she eat three or four bites
(regular sized, not the tiny one pea or one grain of rice spoonfuls
she sometimes tries) of each item. We will sit with her (the
entire family) until WE think she is finished. Peer pressure
from her siblings (hurry up so we can go play, etc.) is
useful. After she is finished, if it is available, we have
dessert. If in our opinion she ate enough nutritious food, she
may have some, otherwise, she doesn't get dessert.
We do try to serve a variety of foods so it isn't always a
struggle, but, there are VERY few vegies Annie will eat
willingly.
Be aware though, that there is a difference in refusing to eat
because the child doesn't want/like what is served, and eating
less than what the parent might expect because of lack of
hungar (which could be that s/he needs less than you think).
I also have a 14 year old step daughter with the same problem.
She's too old for the first steps mentioned, but we do
withhold dessert when needed.
--
Suzanne Barnett-Scott
uucp: ...{decvax,ihnp4,noao,savax,seismo}!terak!suze
CalComp/Sanders Display Products Division
14151 N 76th Street, Scottsdale, AZ 85260
(602) 998-4800
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Date: Wed, 22 Jan 86 07:45:53 pst
From: seismo!dual!madvax!susan (Susan Finkelman)
References: <774@decuac.UUCP>
You've got it ALL WRONG. Adults are big kids, not the other way
around... I ran into the same problem with a kid I lived with in
college. She was 5 at the time & following much the same diet. Maybe
it's a cult? Any way, I moved in in the middle of this and her
folks had already given up bribing, screaming, etc. and were pretty
much feeding her what she wanted with the exception of sweets. We
did stir an egg into her plain (no milk or I won't eat it) cornmeal
mush, without her knowledge or consent. And we did have occasional
luck with getting her to eat veggies she'd helped buy or prepare or
bring in from the garden. As a novelty I was useful for about 2
days as I recall. Anyhow, she got over it in a few months. She's
doing very well in college, last I spoke with her dad.
I'd suggest trying to get your kid to taste what's being offered and
trying to prepare at least one acceptable food for each family meal
but not to give in to all whims, and not to reward poor behavior with
desert or pop or candy, and beyond that just don't worry. They seem
to survive. You might check with your pediatrician (over the phone
should work just fine) as they see so many kids they often have
better tricks. Good luck. As I recall, it's a drag. And I still
have that to look forward to.
Susan Finkelman
{zehntel,amd,fortune,resonex,rtech}!varian!susan
===============================================
Date: Tue, 21 Jan 86 10:13:34 est
From: Adele Newton <decvax!watmath!watcgl!anewton>
Organization: U. of Waterloo, Ontario
Our David (who is also 4) can also be a real pain in the ass about eating.
He won't touch onions (he as RADAR about them) or peas or potatoes, etc, etc
EXCEPT AT DAYCARE! He'll eat anything that Agnes, the cook at his daycare
centre cooks, including onion soup and liver!
I put it down to peer pressure. Does your son go to any sort of daycare?
David's preferences changed alot after he ate something at school and
discovered it wasn't as gross as he originally insisted. For example,
he'll now eat fish. What a breakthrough!
I can't say this is any help to you, except to know that there are times
when I'd like to scream too. Getting him together with other kids who
eat a variety of things may help, if you have that opportunity.
tim@ism780c.UUCP (Tim Smith) (02/01/86)
In article <356@drutx.UUCP> slb@drutx.UUCP (Sue Brezden) writes: > >But that's probably the least of it when it comes to kids embarrassing >you. Isn't it wonderful when they tell the family secrets to strangers? >Or when they sneeze right into a stranger's face at a train station? If the stranger is sticking it's face down where your kids keep their faces, then it deserves to be sneezed on! Or are your kids just very tall? Or maybe they sneeze with unusual strength? :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) Miss Manners would certainly not approve of these stangers! -- Tim Smith sdcrdcf!ism780c!tim || ima!ism780!tim || ihnp4!cithep!tim
hedden@atux01.UUCP (D. Hedden) (02/04/86)
In article <2845@ut-ngp.UUCP>, stacie@ut-ngp.UUCP (Stacie McGill) writes: > My gosh, there are other people with this problem! > My son is about to turn four and he has also stopped eating > fruits and vegetables. He will rarely eats any type of meat except > weiners (loves them), bologna (sometimes), and maybe a bite of hamburger meat. > I also would like to hear suggestions on how to solve this problem. I don't think it's a problem that needs a cure, unless real health problems begin to occur. My daughter would not eat until she was 4. She would literally go for 2 - 3 days without eating a bite, but she remained healthy and normal weight for her age and size. We kept a close eye on her health, withheld any snacks, gave vitamins, and continued to offer meals at regular times. Suddenly at four she started to eat voraciously (making up, I guess). This doesn't seem to have hurt her in any way. My son, on the other hand, ate as much as I do until he was about 4 (without getting fat!), and then suddenly stopped eating anything but his sandwich at lunch. His health, weight, etc. continue to be ok, so we are not forcing anything. Incidentally, both children (especially my son) have maintained high activity levels while not eating. I can't understand how they can possibly do it. "The moving hand writes ..."