bosworth@uwmacc.UUCP (kris bosworth) (01/26/86)
As a parent of teens, I am wondering if anyone else is as confused
about parenting as I am. If there is any interest in sharing concerns
about living with teenagers, please express your interest soon.
Sincerely,
Krislmf@drutx.UUCP (FullerL) (01/28/86)
I'd be very interested in discussing parenting teenagers. I did that for the past about 10 months and am now a consulting parent to the same teenager. I'm also very interested in discussing step parenting issues with anyone who is interested. Lori Fuller ihnp4!drutx!lmf
marks@yogi.DEC (01/30/86)
>As a parent of teens, I am wondering if anyone else is as confused >about parenting as I am. If there is any interest in sharing concerns >about living with teenagers, please express your interest soon. Dear Kris, Not only do I have two teenage kids of my own (a girl 13 and a boy 16), but I also have the dubious distinction of having 4 teenage stepchildren (3 of whom are live-in, ages 17, 15, and 14). I have always marveled at parents of infants and young children who think their kids are THE most difficult. They seem to think time will cure their woes. Actually, I have always thought the old saw, "Little kids have little problems and big kids have big problems" was quite true. I'd love to share thoughts, support, coping mechanisms, philosophies, and lifesaving techniques (for the parents) with folks who have teenage children. (I would be particularly interested in hearing from people who have dealt with teenage stepchildren -- sometimes I get to thinking maybe I'm the one who's not human, at least they seem to think so -- particularly female teenage stepchildren.) Sometimes I think this is God's revenge against us for what we did to our parents when we were adolescents! Good luck, and let's hear from the contingent of parents of older kids. Rickey Marks
slb@drutx.UUCP (Sue Brezden) (01/30/86)
>If there is any interest in sharing concerns >about living with teenagers, please express your interest soon. > Kris Sure, I'm interested in talking about teens. I have one 18, who has become reasonably human again, and another 12, who is probably ready to make the plunge to unbearable for the next few years. (Although she will probably be easier than her sister, since she is a more lovable person, and our lives are more stable now.) Personally, I think babies are neat, toddlers are fun if you keep them in hand, preteens are nice people to be with. Then you have to just close your eyes and try to keep them from driving you crazy until they get over it. You folks with problems with babies and toddlers (won't eat, kind of diapers, won't sleep) don't know how easy you have it. If anybody has any advice on getting through this kid's teen years in better mental shape than I was with the the last one's, I'd love to hear about it. -- Sue Brezden ihnp4!drutx!slb ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To search for perfection is all very well, But to look for heaven is to live here in hell. --Sting ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
slb@drutx.UUCP (Sue Brezden) (02/01/86)
> >Sometimes I think this is God's revenge against us for what we did to >our parents when we were adolescents! > Rickey Marks And another way to look at it is that it is nature's way of being sure that we will be willing and able to part with them (i.e. kick them out of the nest) when they are grown. It becomes something you look forward to, rather than something you regret. (Insert semi :-) here) -- Sue Brezden ihnp4!drutx!slb ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ To search for perfection is all very well, But to look for heaven is to live here in hell. --Sting ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
whitehur@tymix.UUCP (Pamela K. Whitehurst) (02/01/86)
In article <420@drutx.UUCP> slb@drutx.UUCP (Sue Brezden) writes: >If anybody has any advice on getting through this kid's teen years in >better mental shape than I was with the the last one's, I'd love to >hear about it. How did you get through the last one? What worked? What didn't work? My daughter is almost 14. She has alomst no assertiveness. I don't worry about her rebelling, I worry about her not standing up for herself. I am trying to find a balance between: holding her responsible for her actions, and not being so afraid of the results that she will not try anything. Sometimes I think she looses out on too much by being a 'good kid'. -- +-------------------------------------------------------+ | General Disclaimer: The above opinions are my own and | | do not necessarily reflect the opinions | | of McDonnell Douglas Corporation. | +-------------------------------------------------------+ PKW hplabs!oliveb!tymix!whitehur
suze@terak.UUCP (Suzanne Barnett) (02/04/86)
> My daughter is almost 14. She has alomst no assertiveness. I don't > worry about her rebelling, I worry about her not standing up for herself. > I am trying to find a balance between: holding her responsible for her > actions, and not being so afraid of the results that she will not try > anything. Sometimes I think she looses out on too much by being a 'good > kid'. > > PKW > hplabs!oliveb!tymix!whitehur Remember, responsibility shouldn't come all at once, but be learned and earned. You don't mention it, but be sure to keep the converstion going. Tell her about your day and ask about hers; not in an interrogating manner, but in an "I'm interested" manner. Listen to what she says. If something happened that she disliked or didn't agree with, ask her what she thinks should have been done, or could still be done about it. You might show your confidence in her by asking her opinion when You have some problem that needs solving. Whenever some controversial news item occurs, ask her opinion, discuss it, and then discuss the other side's opinion, regardless of whether you both agree or not. When you advise her, be sure it's advice that she can accept or not, make it clear to her that the decision is hers, as are the consequences. It's sometimes good to give several options of advice, along with the possible and likely consequence of each choice. This doesn't mean you can't sometimes dictate a course of action to her, but don't disguise that as advice. Be sure she knows when she makes the decision and when you do. I was a "good kid" and VERY shy and unassertive until I was in college. Yes, looking back I think I missed a lot, sort of like I slept through my teen years. Of course I didn't and have many good memories, but I also remember my fears of other people. I'm still somewhat shy around a group of people I don't know, or don't know well. What made me turn assertive in college? A large part had to do with getting involved with a croup of people and being put in a position of leadership. (Which passed from one person to another on a frequent basis, so everyone went through it.) It also had to do with growing up, maturing and facing responsibility. My 14 year old step daughter is the antithesis of this. She is very self assured. However, I've noticed over the past year that she has become less self assured among her peers. (No change around family, very close friends or adults.) A frequent phrase we hear is "how embarrassing!"; she feels that any one she is with reflects on her, particularly family. Our reaction, as long as she isn't hurting anyone else's feelings, is to smile and say to ourselves, this is a phase, she'll grow out of it. In some cases we continue to encourage her to try something we think she might enjoy or be good at that she doesn't wish to try because it isn't something Everyone does. Enlisting peer presure for this can help; such as inviting her friends to accompany us, particularly when we think they would enjoy it and thus influence Kristen's enjoyment. -- Suzanne Barnett-Scott uucp: ...{decvax,ihnp4,noao,savax,seismo}!terak!suze CalComp/Sanders Display Products Division 14151 N 76th Street, Scottsdale, AZ 85260 (602) 998-4800
doug@terak.UUCP (Doug Pardee) (02/04/86)
> My daughter is almost 14. She has alomst no assertiveness. I don't > worry about her rebelling, I worry about her not standing up for herself. > I am trying to find a balance between: holding her responsible for her > actions, and not being so afraid of the results that she will not try > anything. Sometimes I think she looses out on too much by being a 'good > kid'. In my teens, I was an unassertive 'good kid'. This was due not to a "lack of assertiveness", but rather to a high level of intellectual maturity through which I could see that a 17-year-old does *not* really know it all. I was almost fanatical about "getting my facts straight" before I spoke or acted. No one needed to worry about whether I would accept responsibility, either. I knew full well what I could accept and what I couldn't. Not that I didn't get into trouble from time to time -- but I never got into any I couldn't get out of. Although I came close once. I seem to recall a Sheriff's Deputy pointing his gun in my direction. Being a 'good kid' doesn't necessarily mean being good all of the time :-) [P.S. no arrest, no ticket, my folks never found out.] By the way, I tend to think that there's only so much that a person can learn in X years of childhood. In my case, my intellectual maturity came at a heavy cost in emotional immaturity. But I was able to cover up by always remaining unemotional. Grown-ups sure think it's great for a teenager to never get upset or lose his cool! -- Doug Pardee -- CalComp -- {hardy,savax,seismo,decvax,ihnp4}!terak!doug
cascella@ittvax.ATC.ITT.UUCP (Advanced Technology Group - UNIX Support) (02/05/86)
>If there is any interest in sharing concerns about living with >teenagers, please express your interest soon. > > Sincerely, > Kris I have 3 teenagers. A son 17 and two daughters 16 & 14 who are all from my previous marriage. I also have a 6 year old daughter with my second husband. I'd be happy to exchange experiences/ideas/concerns/joys/heartaches with others. Suzanne Cascella decvax!ittatc!ittvax!cascella -- This is a signature line