tankus@hsi.UUCP (Ed Tankus) (02/21/86)
> > It is my view (having never been spanked, and having grown into a fairly > > reasonable person who would NEVER spank my own child), that ... > > > > The non-spanker's reasons were given here. > > Tom H. replies with a flame and ... > > > I spank my child, there are times when it is neccessary. > I don't spank her to get "results"; I spank her when the long term > benifits outweigh the short term costs (and it costs to spank > someone you love). > I don't spank her for just any infraction or because I am mad > (that would be child abuse). > Before she could talk, she was spanked when she got into a > potentially dangerous situation i.e. playing with electric cords > etc.; this made sure she wouldn't do it again. > Currently she gets spanked mostly when my not spanking her would > cause greater damage than my spanking her. For example, playing > with electric plugs, dangerous chemicals (Note: we have done what > we can to prevent her from getting access to these, but children > are as smart as we are and it rarely takes that much to figure out > most locks), crossing the street without looking both ways first, > etc. What is the cost of a spanking next to a child's death? > There are also several things which my wife and I can not or > will not tolerate although they do not directly endanger my > daughter. One example is writting in books; another would be > direct disobediance of a direct order. Spanking is a last resort > and only done when verbal warnings have not worked and when she knows > better. My daughter is currently averaging about 2 spankings a > year. She is very self disciplined and even though all her > neighborhood friends are older and larger than her she is not a > follower but an equal. > > Tally Ho, > Tom H. I am a father-to-be (April or May) and I generally support Tom's thinking. My wife is a different story. She does not believe in spanking AT ALL. We have had many arguments about this, still with no clear resolution. I was spanked and, many times, severely beaten. I deserved the spankings sometimes (of course I'm prejudiced) and sometimes I did not. I NEVER deserved the beatings. Still I feel that being spanked, swatted, whatever, has it's place. Despite and because of the hitting, I feel I have grown up very well-adjusted. I will love my child and care for it with all my heart. I hope that the lessons I have learned *MAY* preclude me from ever hitting that child. But I will not delude myself with fantasies. Electrical cords, chemicals, sharp objects, hot stoves, etc., all *MAY* require a parent to use this option. Torrid, screaming tantrums *MAY* necessitate the same treatment. I know that when I pulled one of these, I got it. It taught me about selfishness, about manners, about asking for things in a polite and reasonable way. I have used the term, "spanking", in a very general way, much like everyone else. But spanking doesn't have to mean an open hand across the buttocks. It can be a stiff finger firmly planted on the child's hand as they reach up to the hot burner. It can be any similar variation. If I feel I have to spank, I will. But I will also try to reinforce what I did by explaining to the child what they did wrong or what the result of their actions could have been. Maybe, just maybe, they would have learned enough to preclude me from spanking them again. But then again, I can't delude myself with fantasies ... Thanks for reading this far. I NEVER intended for this followup to be so long. -- " For every word there is a song upon which inspiration lies ..." Ed Tankus Net : {noao!ihnp4!yale!}!hsi!tankus Snail: Health Systems Int'l, 100 Broadway, New Haven, CT 06511