mfs@mhuxr.UUCP (Damballah Wedo) (03/05/86)
My wife and I are going through adoption procedure with the New Jersey
Division on Youth and Family Services. This will (eventually) be our first
child. Stories from adopters and adoptees, books to read, and any
other information that will help us be ready for this child
will be ggreatly appreciated.
Post or email replies, but please reply. We are feeling a bit bewildered
by the procedure itself, so information on that, or similar experiences
would also be appreciated.
Thanks in advance.
--
Marcel-Franck Simon ihnp4!{mhuxr, hl3b5b}!mfs
" Viv Ayiti libe're' "mc68020@gilbbs.UUCP (Tom Keller) (03/08/86)
In article <557@mhuxr.UUCP>, mfs@mhuxr.UUCP (Damballah Wedo) writes: > My wife and I are going through adoption procedure with the New Jersey > Division on Youth and Family Services. This will (eventually) be our first > child. Stories from adopters and adoptees, books to read, and any > other information that will help us be ready for this child > will be ggreatly appreciated. > > Marcel-Franck Simon ihnp4!{mhuxr, hl3b5b}!mfs Marcel-Franck, congratulations! I beg of you, whatever else you do, do *NOT* keep the fact of your child's adoption a secret from the child. This is *SO* harmful. As soon as the child is old enough to begin to comprehend (perhaps 6-8 years old??), explain about adoption, and why you adopted him/her. Explain that you *CHOSE* her/him, and that you couldn't possibly feel any stronger love for anyone. Be open, be honest. This honesty will tell your child more about your love than can be measured. -- ==================================== Disclaimer: I hereby disclaim any and all responsibility for disclaimers. tom keller {ihnp4, dual}!ptsfa!gilbbs!mc68020 (* we may not be big, but we're small! *)
ruppert@apollo.uucp (Deborah J. Ruppert) (03/12/86)
Congratulations on choosing to adopt! My son arrived from El Salvador 2-1/2 years ago at the age of two, and has been a joy. Coupla things: 1) Start talking about how your child arrived in your family as soon as possible. 6-8 is too late. One good way to do it is to start a special scrapbook of your child, beginning with pictures on arrival day and chronicling development over the years. Even very young children like to look at pictures of themselves and you can tell the story of how "Mommy and Daddy waited and waited and then the adoption agency brought you to our family and how happy we were", with emphasis on choosing to have the child in the family. It is important to be clear about adoption as soon as you start talking to the child, even if you don't get a response right away. Because when s/he begins asking questions about "Where do Babies Come From?" the issues are clearer if s/he already knows about adoption and can separate gestation from parenting. (well, not in those words, not to a 2-year-old). 2) Good books: Where Did I Come From? (author/publisher unknown, 'cause the book is at home, but it is a large format book with many drawings). This is the basic "sex ed" book for youngsters up the age of about 10--no nonsense, big words defined well, and the best description of orgasm geared to a child's perception I've ever seen. My son had his copy before he even arrived in our family. And the reason I recommend it is mainly because of its companion volume: Why Was I Adopted?. Same author/publisher, should be found in most major bookstored. Same approach to a difficult subject. Good bedtime reading material. 3) For more resources, look for an adoptive parents support group in your area. Your agency may be able to point you to some. Good luck! Good parenting! Deb Ruppert Apollo
flowers@ucla-cs.UUCP (03/18/86)
> My wife and I are going through adoption procedure with the New Jersey > Division on Youth and Family Services. This will (eventually) be our first > child. Stories from adopters and adoptees, books to read, and any > other information that will help us be ready for this child > will be ggreatly appreciated. Think about breast feeding. Seriously. Adoptive mothers can breast feed, and the health benefits to both mother and baby can be life long (i.e. fewer allergies in adulthood for the baby, lower rates of breast cancer in women who breast feed for a long enough period of time, etc.), not to mention all the usual benefits of convenience, etc. The key word is "relactation" (I think that is a mis-nomer but that is what La Leche calls it). I don't have any personal experience with this, but my childbirth instructor has been involved in helping adoptive mothers breastfeed, and there are several success stories in the La Leche book "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding". La Leche's techniques are "demand-based", but I have also heard of adoptive mothers getting hormone injections to help establish lactation. Look into it (contact La Leche League or others) and plan ahead because it does take some preparation. Did you know that there is a group in Africa where the fathers nurse their young? (I've heard that from a few sources, one including childbirth class, but I can't give any specific sources so don't ask).