allen@bunker.UUCP (C. Allen Grabert) (03/13/86)
This discussion of teenagers and sex raises a question that I haven't really seen discussed. That is, what if the family's religious beliefs state that premarital sex is improper? Not, 'If it feels good or if you are with someone you love and you're protected, it's alright', but 'No one may have sex until they are married because sex is specially reserved for that time.' Is a mother in such a family doing wrong to not talk to her daughter about contraception since that would imply that the mother is condoning or expecting premarital sex? Should she tell her daughter about contraception anyway because 'even though it's not proper she is human and humans sometimes do things they shouldn't and she should be protected just in case'? What if the parents believe that they've raised their daughter to understand that she should wait until marriage to have sex and also to come talk to them when she has questions or conflicts between what they've taught her and what others are telling her? (This ought to provoke a good discussion.) -- "She's as beautiful, oh so beautiful, beautiful as a foot..." Allen Grabert (...ittatc!bunker!allen)
whitehur@tymix.UUCP (Pamela K. Whitehurst) (03/14/86)
In article <1102@bunker.UUCP> allen@bunker.UUCP (C. Allen Grabert) writes: >[...] what if the family's religious beliefs >state that premarital sex is improper? >[...] Is a mother in such a family doing wrong to >not talk to her daughter about contraception since that would imply that >the mother is condoning or expecting premarital sex? Should she tell >her daughter about contraception anyway because 'even though it's not >proper she is human and humans sometimes do things they shouldn't and >she should be protected just in case'? It's just my belief but, contraceptives should be discussed when sex is discussed. So far I have tried to keep the level of information about contraceptives equivalent to the level of information about sex. (This is where babies come from ... the mother decided to get pregnant) Your questions seem to indicate that a mother who does not believe in premarital sex will tell her daughter about sex. I am not sure she would. However, if she tells her teenagers about sex she should also tell them about the results of sex and how to control some of the results, before they find out from someone else. Religious beliefs that state premarital sex is improper have more behind them than 'because you might get pregnant'. These are the values that parents teach and (hopefully) children learn. -- P. K. Whitehurst ...!hplabs!oliveb!tymix!whitehur
gdvsmit@watrose.UUCP (Riel Smit) (03/18/86)
In article <697@tymix.UUCP> whitehur@tymix.UUCP (Pamela K. Whitehurst) writes: > >Your questions seem to indicate that a mother who does not believe in >premarital sex will tell her daughter about sex. I am not sure she would. > I am not sure you are right. I know quite a few mothers (including my own) who do not believe in premarital sex and who did/do tell their children (and not just daugters) about sex. By the way, must the mother tell the daughter and the father the son? My parents both told me (at separate times) and each gave a different perspective, which I think was valuable.
frye@cuuxb.UUCP (frye) (03/20/86)
The religious side of the story is one of my pet peeves with parents. My parents beat me over the head with religion to the point that I want nothing whatever to do with it now. Especially if its used as an excuse to get around some job someone just doesn't want to fool with in the first place. When it comes to sex, I feel its a parents obligation to tell their offspring everything they can including how to prevent pregnancies. If a parent isn't open and honest, that parent will eventually loose credibility. A parent can tell a teenager that he/she would rather the kid doesn't have sex outside marriage and still tell the whole 9 yards. I have known parents to put their daughters on the pill when someone in the neighborhood got raped too. Sure hate to bring that topic up in this group, but facts is facts. There are valid reasons for birth control (Pope be damned.) and a parent should be a real parent and inform a kid of everything he/she can. That includes family finances, politics, life insurance sex, crime (both violent and none violent), and anything else the kid should know. Too many people leave too much up to other people when it comes to the education of their kids. Others think stupid things like, "Oh, my little angel wouldn't do such a thing." (Bet me!) I grew up with a few alledged little angels, so I know better than that. Its your choice, be a good parent or a premature grand parent. Religion has nothing to do with it unless the kid is religious enough to follow its doctrines. I'm not because my folks tried to scare hell out of me with it. I just treat people as well as I can because I believe its the right way to be, and people like it. I've told a few people about this. I'll let you folks in on it too. My parents are my friends now and have been since I was a teenybopper. Before that, they had some wierd idea that I had to do everything they told me to do. They'd force me to go to Bible school every Sunday. One super cold Sunday I ended up freezing up a finger and my left eye, and never made it to the church. What really bugged me was my folks tel- ling me I had to go even though it was cold. They didn't want any excuses, they just wanted me to go to church. I told them that sinse they'd lost me an eye over their bull headedness, I wouldn't be going to church any- more. There was nothing they could do after that to get me near a church or do anything I didn't want to do. Now, I was 7 or 8 when I lost the use of my eye. The summer after that, I went to church with my Grandad (Mom's Dad, he was a Baptist Minister) when we visited him and Grandma in Missouri. That bothered my folks a lot and they asked me why I wouldn't go with them. I told 'em Grandad asked me to go and they never asked me anything. I had never turned them down for anything else but Bible school and church. I only turned them down once because it was so cold. That got me into a world of trouble with them. I finally started to go and came back with a frozen eye. Why should I listen to them anymore? They wouldn't listen to me. I couldn't believe it the next summer. They'd enrolled me in a Bible school over my summer vacation. Dad took me down there the first Sunday and I sat there for a whole two minutes listening to a grumpy old fart preach fire and brimstone at the top of his lungs to kids he didn't even like. (He proved he didn't like 'em too. He was on us like ugly on a gorilla for just being kids.) I climbed out a window and disappeared. Well, my folks got mad and gave me hell. Next Sunday, Dad hauled me back down there and I crawled out the window again. Weren't no way I was going to stay in there. Its more fun outside. I got my tail warmed that time, but next Sunday I did the window routine again. I missed it when some kid threw a rock at that old fart and hit him up alongside his head(8-). My dad found out from a neighbor about that. I told my Dad, "I tried to tell ya, but ya wouldn't listen to me. I also told you I wasn't going to go down there. Now do you believe me?" They tried a few more times to get me to go to church and bible school, but I told them I had no desire to mess with that or anything else related to it. Now, ya know why I believe in talking to kids. Only thing is, you have to try to keep 'em alive long enough for them to grow wise enough to understand you when you talk to them. That's why I advise parents to only spank a kid if its absolutely called for. For instance, you can't leta kid play in the street. His days are numbered 'til you get that point across. GET IT ACROSS! That goes for other places that are just plain dangerous. Once they are old enough, listen to their side of the story too. They do have one sometimes. The part about getting a whippin' for not going to Sunday school may just cause some of you folks to say, "Aha! That's what I mean about spanking kids!" Well, it didn't bother me much because, like I said. My folks didn't always know about things I did that I would have had my butt spanked for. I figure I'm up on 'em by at least 5 or 6 whippin's(8-). My Dad got me once when I didn't deserve it and found out later that he was wrong. He told me what I been tellin' you. He missed me a couple of times he should have gotten me. Ummm, at the time though, I didn't feel like tellin' him about any of the times he'd missed me(8-). I mean, I ain't no fool. See, I learned early that I shouldn't volunteer too much info. Anyhow, be your kid(s) friend too if you can swing it. I can't remember any of my childhood when I didn't like to have friends, or my adulthood either. Friends tell you about things and listen to you when you talk. Your kids will learn to respect your attitudes if your a friend and a parent. Ummm, even your sexual attitudes(8-). GET THOSE POINTS ACROSS TOO! You can do it. I got faith in ya. More mad ravings form, Grizzly (who was a kid once).