mike@hpfclk.UUCP (05/10/84)
Assuming that we live in a "closed" universe, if you want to know what it is like inside a black hole, just look around you. It's not really all that terrible on the inside after all. Michael Bishop hplabs!hpfcla!mike-b
goodale@fortune.UUCP (Dave Goodale) (05/15/84)
Subject: black holes
Newsgroups: net.physics net.astro
NEW INFORMATION ON BLACK HOLES
Noted Authority Clears Up Confusion
It has come to the attention of this office that much complete
balderdash has been promulgated recently regarding the class of
astronomical objects usually referred to as "black holes". One expert
makes one paradoxical claim, another makes another ... usually in
tones of infuriating condescension ... the time has come to cut
through this Gordion knot and see if with LOGIC we can make some sense
out of the nonsensical gobbledegook that these math priests throw out
in such confusion profusion.
1) CONCLUSION ONE: If we could somehow get hold of black hole,
only a small one ( a couple of miles across ) and drop it on Russia -
we could make a fortune.
2) With Russia on her knees, we would also have an immediate
solution to the garbage crisis ... also housing, jails, etc.
3) Publicity is a problem ... people don't relate all that well
to black holes. Black holes have an image problem. People perceive them
as somehow ... dark ... threatening ... Let's face it, the very name
"black hole" is a turn-off. Black holes need some good PR work to
offset their "bad rap". For instance, its not true that stuff that is
dropped into a black hole vanishes forever. Eventually, the physics
wizards now tell us, the stuff comes back out - maybe a little bit
rearranged. This is a big selling point for people who want to "get
away from it all", or for people who want to put their savings into a
place that is absolutely safe.
4) "Punk" rock is an angle that should be explored here. These
youngsters are naturals for black holes! Bands could vie with each
other to have black holes at their concerts and "social doings", etc.
5) Religion! Need we say more? Meet your maker through the back
door of the universe - down the garbage chute and into the arms of
the almighty!
6) It cannot be denied, from an imagistic point of view, that
the "black hole" brings up certain anatomical comparisons ... even
the name is kind of suggestive - proctologists are naturals for this
approach.
7) Now there are those pundits who state that theory at least
indicates that it would be possible to use a black hole to travel
backward in time and shoot one's grandfather ... in direct
contradiction of the "rational" view of cause and effect ... other
pundits have argued against shooting one's grandfather if the old chap
is at least pleasant, offers one a drink of scotch, etc ... instead
they recommend crushing a bug or perhaps displacing a single electron-
the changes from this would "snowball" until in the present time we
would all be 20-foot pink flamingoes. Now these individuals might
look differently on the matter of shooting one's grandfather. They
might not even have grandfathers ... they might reproduce from viral
infection of bladderworts. What then, pundits? How to shoot one's
grandfather then?
8) There is one final matter - one last question relating to
black holes that seems to stump everyone. That question is ...
"other universes". Supposedly the black hole is the gateway ( if you
don't mind being torn to pieces, irradiated with super-hot gamma
rays, and then crushed down to absolutely nothing ) to "other
universes". Now on this subject of "other universes" no one seems to
have one God Damn sensible thing to say. Sometimes the gurus hint
that the other universe is "similar to our own" - but there is a
timid tone to their assertions that betrays that the speaker wonders
if he dropped a sign somewhere and anyway can't understand his own
equations. Sometimes they say that the black hole just pops out again
in our own universe. Sometimes they say that our own universe itself
popped out of a "white hole" type singularity and that previous to
this there was "no time", "no space", "no causality" and other such
gabble.
The time has come to clear up this whole matter. All this time-
wasting confusion has got to stop, so we can get back to some
PRODUCTIVITY. Let's use some MIND POWER to see if we can blow away
the chaff of fear and superstition and knock some holes in the wall
of non-thought that surrounds this whole concept of "another
universe".
Now here's the key to the whole thing ... if we can get there
through a black hole, its not another universe ... its really part
of our own universe. Right? So ... no problem. We can forget all
about any "other universe". Its all just one big happy universe.
Of course the new place may take some getting used to. Once
we've made the trip, and spruced up a bit, and had a nip of
something strong to counteract the effects of being crushed,
burnt, etc, there may be some "culture shock". It might be
unsettling at first to find that left is always peaches, and that
"reality" is 20-year old hydrogenated crankcase oil ( in short
supply ).
But these are all problems that can be overcome. And now that
the word is out, this office is confident that many farsighted and
right-thinking people will see fit to "take the big step" down
a black hole. Remember, this office will stand behind you - way
behind!