jeanne@ucla-cs.UUCP (11/20/84)
Source unknown, but possibly amusing:
Real Programmers Don't Write Specs
Real Programmers don't write specs -- users should
consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all
and take what they get.
Real Programmers don't comment their code. If it
was hard to write it should be hard to understand.
Real Programmers don't write application programs;
they program right down on the bare metal.
Application programming is for feebs who can't do
systems programming.
Real Programmers don't eat quiche. In fact, real
programmers don't know how to SPELL quiche. They
eat Twinkies, and Szechwan food.
Real Programmers don't write in COBOL. COBOL is for
wimpy applications programmers.
Real Programmers' programs never work right the
first time. But if you throw them on the machine
they can be patched into working in "only a few"
30-hour debugging sessions.
Real Programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is
for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies.
Real Programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real
programmers are around at 9 AM, it's because they
were up all night.
Real Programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no
programmers write in BASIC, after the age of 12.
Real Programmers don't write in PL/I. PL/I is for
programmers who can't decide whether to write in
COBOL or FORTRAN.
Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any other
sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain
climbing is OK, and real programmers wear their
climbing boots to work in case a mountain should
suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine
room.
Real Programmers don't document. Documentation is
for simps who can't read the listings or the object
desk.
Real Programmers don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or
ADA, or any of those pinko computer science
languages. Strong typing is for people with weak
memories.