presley@mhuxn.UUCP (Joe Presley) (12/22/84)
Well, it's "that time of year" again (my third annual recap on the year that was to have been). Here are the highlights from the January 3, 1984 issue of *National Enquirer*, America's answer to *Pravda*, where America's 10 leading psychics gave us their all in telling us what to expect. Even though 1984 isn't over yet, I feel confident we've no problem with passing judgement. (My parenthetical notes after the psychics' names are from *N.E.* itself. [Dorothy Allison - who has helped police solve crimes]. Unemployment will drop; American factories will have full order books; time of great national pride in American-made products; Monaco's Prince Albert and Brooke Shields wed; Johnny Carson quits; Larry Hagman drops out of "Dallas" and goes to Tibet to study under a guru; gorilla escapes from NYC zoo and terrorizes the city. [Clarisa Bernhardt - who predicted earthquakes]. Economy will go up and up; food and fuel prices will tumble; Sean Connery will be attacked by a gunman in NYC; Joan Rivers and Liz Taylor make up and Liz offers to sit in for Joan as hostess of "The Tonight Show"; [John Catchings - who locates missing people]. Burt Reynolds confesses to being in love with a 16 year old high school girl; Michael Landon will star in a TV show about a gay priest; Ted Kennedy will elope with his secretary; a vaccine against AIDS will be developed. [Shawn Robbins - predicted a major air disaster]. John Lennon's ghost saves Yoko and Sean from fire; two Soviet jumbo jets collide, killing 1000; Congress launches probe into UFO after Jimmy Carter reveals a UFO sighting; Gary Coleman will sprout up. [Florence Vaty - predicted Nixon's resignation]. Commando-style gang of Viet Vets steal crown jewels from the Tower of London; one of Reagan's children will be captured by pro-Arab terrorists; Prince Rainier proposes to Jackie Onassis and she accepts; Pope John Paul is target of assasin when he makes a surprise visit to Poland; Space Shuttle astronauts pick up messages from another planet. [Micki Dahne - predicted Canary Island jumbo jet collision]. Huge earthquake in CA reveals a major new gold vein; Joan Collins moves from "Dallas" to "Dynasty" (to replace Larry Hagman?); Mr. T struck by lightening attracted to his gold jewelry. [Fredrick Davies]. Reagan pushes for major new tax breaks to insure his November victory; gold soars to $1000/oz. [Lou Wright - predicted assassination attempts on Reagan and John Paul]. John Denver buried under avalanche; Shirley MacLaine opens an "occult travel agency"; Cher becomes a born-again Christian and tours as a gospel singer. [Barbara Donchess - predicted Mount St. Helens eruption]. A way to repair heart damage without surgery is discovered; Nancy Reagan is involved in helicopter crash; gunman wounds Presidential candidate Jesse Jackson in Memphis. [Beverly Jaegers - helped St. Louis police solve crimes]. Federal government cracks down on religious cults and deports foreign-born leaders of these cults; Yasir Arafat assassinated; a medical breakthrough in brain implant surgery will occur. ------------- If you've managed to wade through this far, congratulations!! I knew you would do it!! Any guesses when I'll post my recap of the *1985* predictions? -- Joe Presley (ihnp4!j.presley)
moriarty@fluke.UUCP (The Napoleon of Crime) (12/31/84)
Well, they weren't THAT far off... >...gorilla escapes from >NYC zoo and terrorizes the city. Close... it was George Steinbrenner, but for obvious reasons, an understandable mix-up >Burt Reynolds confesses to being in love with a 16 year old high school girl; This may be because they both share a sophmoric sense of humor. >Michael Landon will star in a TV show about a gay priest Well, he's playing an angel; but the idea of a gay angel brings up some rather interesting theological questions (in fact, the idea of a HETEROSEXUAL angel brings up some interesting theological questions...) >John Denver buried under avalanche; However, John will be stuffed and used in the next Muppet Christmas special. >Nancy Reagan is involved in helicopter crash; She decides to just stick to driving her Olds from now on... Thanks, Joe... "I must say, you look *maahvelus*." Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer John Fluke Mfg. Co., Inc. UUCP: {cornell,decvax,ihnp4,sdcsvax,tektronix,utcsrgv}!uw-beaver \ {allegra,gatech!sb1,hplabs!lbl-csam,decwrl!sun,ssc-vax} -- !fluke!moriarty ARPA: fluke!moriarty@uw-beaver.ARPA