sdyer@bbncca.ARPA (Steve Dyer) (01/06/84)
Handling holidays has often been a problem for gay men and women, since it forces a confrontation between the private individual and the extended family, bringing up issues that aren't always resolved. I guess there are many ways of dealing with holidays, some more satisfactory than others. It might be interesting to ask what other gay USENETters do for the holidays. Has "coming out" to your family made celebrating the holidays easier? What about those of you who have not come out? You can post to me, directly, and I will summarize after an appropriate period OR, of course, express yourself directly here in net.motss. My SO (significant other) and I celebrate Christmas apart, each at our respective families, which are about 1000 miles apart. This turns out to be the easiest. Thankfully, both our families shy away from the "and when are you bringing your girlfriend home" kind of questions, so the visit isn't particularly unpleasant. And, we use the time as a chance to get a bit of breathing room in our relationship before hunkering down for another 50 weeks. We exchange gifts when we get back, while we catch up on what's gone on. -- /Steve Dyer decvax!bbncca!sdyer sdyer@bbncca
kinn@ihu1e.UUCP (Kevin Kinnear) (01/07/84)
I agree. Traditional family holidays pose a real problem for gay men and
Lesbians. For me and mine, Christmas is the most important family holiday and
the biggest problem. Neither set of parents knows that we are gay. We have
tried several alternative ways to "handle the holidays":
1) One year we each spent Christmas with our respective families. I didn't
mind that, but he said that he did not like spending that holiday ("alone")
without me.
2) One year we both spent Christmas eve at my family's then we both spent
Christmas day at his. This was possible because our families live within 150
miles of each other. Ironically, though, it did not work because I was sick in
bed Christmas eve and he spent it alone with MY family.
3) One year we decided that we would spend it at home (i.e. OUR home).
After we had broken the bad news to both sets of parents,
my parents informed us that my sister (who has not been home for five
years) was making the trip back with her family. Nevertheless, firm in our
resolve, we maintained that we were not traveling on Christmas. Secretly,
though, we planned to drop in after Christmas. We had a tree and decorations
for the first time in years, we spent Christmas eve at home alone, all of our
families' presents were more fun to open having arrived by mail. We like this
plan the best of all.
4) Next year... who knows.msimpson@bbncca.ARPA (Mike Simpson) (01/09/84)
***
01/09/84
Having just (!) come down from a frantic eight weeks
of partying, I'm ready to wade into the discussion of
handling holidays.
Christmas is a bittersweet holiday for many of my
friends. My lover and I worked out a compromise for the
weekend: we spent Christmas day together and went to our
respective families on the day after Christmas. (Since my
parents are separated, that meant still more driving.) There
is an almost delicious tension in dealing with my parents,
since they have not admitted to me that they know about my
homosexuality, although I told them eleven years ago. My
sisters, however, know and accept the situation. To
compound the matter, the first question from my mother after
the 'get-reacquainted' hugs and kisses was "Where's Jim (my
lover)? " It pleased me that Mother would acknowledge his
presence that much. My father, however, does not discuss my
sexuality at all, which hurts.
We have a close set of friends with whom we
socialize frequently. The "question" of sexuality comes up
fairly often, but it's not skirted in any way: this crowd
knows that Jim and I are lovers, and we have a spirited
give-and-take. (Anyone need a spare BUNS calendar? My
friends gave me several .. )
I suppose that, like may other areas, there is no
substitue for careful planning. If this Christmas was not
what you expected, start for next year's NOW -- letters,
phone calls, and conversations can do a lot.
-- Mike Simpson, BBN
--
-- cheers,
Mike Simpson, BBN
msimpson@bbn-unix (ARPA)
{decvax,linus,wjh12}!bbncca!msimpson (Usenet)
617-497-2819 (Ma Bell)