rrizzo@bbncca.ARPA (Ron Rizzo) (08/04/84)
FANTASTIC GYMNASTICS Did many of you see the gymnastic finals on ABC-TV Thursday night? I'd been oblivious of Olympic events, except for a general feeling of revulsion toward ABC Sports' obnoxious coverage (ignoring events in which the US was unlikely to win medals and athletes who weren't in the running for prizes) and the rather disgusting displays of American chauvinism at the games, after watching a mere hour or so of it on Tuesday. However, sex admits of no obstacles. Early last night, Michael, a friend who'd been a gymnast in school, phoned me. He'd just returned from Los Angeles Monday (he'd watched the opening ceremonies on a portable TV while lying on the beach; over the weekend, one of the Australian teams strolled into the salon where he was cutting hair and requested barbering en masse; he was immediately seized by a violent fit of delirium tremens, despite the fact he's a teetotaler, & just missed seriously impairing the optical & auditory equipment of the Austros he cut). It seemed this olympiad's gymnasts had earned Michael's unqualified enthusiasm. The US team was half Mormon, he said: "They're all ash blonds who believe in Jesus." The way the gymnastic competitions were arranged caused an interesting side effect: different events were staged simultaneously, like a three-ring circus. As a result, since some events required different clothing, the gymnasts were disrobing on camera. Well, I didn't notice much disrobing in the finals last night, but nothing else eluded my eyes. After Michael's call, I literally ran to the TV (which proved unnecessary since we have remote control). I lucked out: most of the evening's coverage was ---guess what?--- gymnastics. When Bart Conner did his first flying leap, I nearly passed out. I found myself literally transfixed by the sights on the screen. I had the sense of directly experiencing the phenomenon expressed in that common figure of speech: "his eyes were glued to the screen." I was aware that I probably could not alter my field of vision: my neck muscles had seemingly passed out of voluntary control. This unprecedented state continued undiminished until the final medals ceremony, amid Koji Guchiken's fits of weeping and Peter Vidmar's flashing dental surfaces. As a result of my intent study of those events, I awarded mental medals of my own to those contestants ABC Sports allowed us to see (occasionally the camera would pan past the many other gymnasts who were also competing, as if washing over the shores of Plato's Realm of Ideal Forms) for outstanding feats of aesthetic-erotic- athletic accomplishment. So I'm curious about other folks' reactions to the pulchritude evidenced in the persons and performances of the gymnastics competition. Here's the lineup: Mitch Gaylord, Bart Conner, Peter Vidmar (USA); Tong Fei, Li Ning, Xu Shiqiang (China); Koji Guchiken (Japan); a British gymnast whose name es- capes me. What did you see? "Doth mine eyes deceive me?" Ron Rizzo