levasseur@morgan.DEC (12/05/84)
Another Jason Article
The views expressed here are not those of |d|i|g|i|t|a|l|
Equipment Corporation, my keyboard, the VAX my account is on,
or the janitor who just emptied my waste basket but were gath-
ered from gay men in a discussion group; the topic being hob-
bies and life beyond the bar scene. Opinions positive or neg-
ative are welcome. If you must flame, the walls in my office
are fire retardant.
Hobbies
Like many of you, I've met a lot of interesting people since
coming out 13 years ago. These people ran the gamut from PHD'S
to sales clerks. The factors which would lead me to persue a
potential friendship after the initial introductions were dis-
pensed with were not based on looks, but on common interests. We
all seek companionship on some level. It's a sad state of aff-
airs that some people's criteria are set in the bedroom. I've met
lovers whose only common bond was sex; needless to say that
these relationships don't get very far after the fireworks of
infatuation die down. I also have met a lot of guys who choose
their friends based on looks alone; pretty bits of fluff to flit
around the disco with. This is all well and good for the pretty
blonde boy who's 19 and has just come out but I feel sorry for
the againg fairy of 50 who still thinks he's Peter Pan and
spends 7 nights a week and most of his disposable income at the
disco. When I first came out I spent more than my share of time
in the bars. It was a novelty, which quickly wore off. I had
more important things to do; hobbies to indulge in and friends
to share them with.
I attended a gay rap group's meeting where the subject was
hobbies and interests outside of work. Almost half of the group
of fifty men claimed to have no outside interests other than go-
ing to the bars and cruising. One man I spoke with said that he
couldn't see wasting his time building model boats or stamp col-
lecting. "Aw c'com", I said, "do you mean to tell me that hob-
bies mean just model ships and stamps?" He nodded and told me
that he thought hobbies and the people who had them, were bor-
ing. This group of men admitted to being bored most of the time,
which is why the bars became their only interest. My conversat-
ions with these people rarely last more than a few minutes. I
get bored when the entire evening's topic is the latest bar gos-
sip.
A lot of my friends and I share the same dilemma; too many
interests and not enough time or money to persue them all. The
people I know who have hobbies they enjoy rarely talk of being
bored; they're always discovering something new, whether it be
a recipe they've concocted, a new application for their person-
al computer, or a new friend they've met in a mountain club.
Another asset hobbyists have is an insight to where our true
talents lie. It's a known fact that a large section of the work
force suffers from job dissatisfaction. Millions of us fight rush
hour traffic daily, only to occupy an office we hate being in.
After work, our married counterparts return to their families
while a lot of gay men return to an empty apartment; their only
greeting coming from a note on the refrigerator left by their
roomate or a hungry cat, waiting to be fed. They feed the cat,
then take a nap; waking at 11 pm to take a shower and go to the
bar; the same routine they've repeated for years.
Now there are the other men who come home to the same greet-
ing as the latter, but here is where the similarity ends. One
guy will call a friend over for dinner who he may have even met
at the bar. They found that they shared a common passion for
restoring classic cars and attend evening classes on car mech-
anics. You won't find either one at the disco very often. They-
too busy working on one of their cars together, going to car
shows, and socializing with friends who share their interests.
Lets see what the guy from each group gets out of his even-
ing. The first guy may spend an evening of idle bar banter with
someone he's trying to lure to his apartment;if he's lucky, an-
other notch gets added to his bedpost. The second guy is doing
something he finds satisfying with a friend he enjoys being ar-
ound. They may spend Saturdays working in the garage together
and Sundays at road ralleys with kindred spirits; some of them
gay. How many of us, myself included, have spent evenings at the
bar socializing with people we'de rather not be around. The only
reason we're with them is to not appear rude or unfriendly.
"But I don't like mechanics!" you may say and my reply is,
"that's fine, but what are you interested in beyond partying and
sex?" If you've always wanted to play the piano but always made
excuses why you couldn't then it's time to make time and start
tickling the ivories. A friend who plays may be more than happy
to get you started on the basics. You see, people who are in-
volved with their hobbies usually love to share these interests
with others, especially their friends. It helps deepen the bond
of friendship as you explore the worlds of music, computers, ham
radio, cooking or anything else together.
You may say, " but hobbies are so expensive" . I agree with
you. Some of them are, but the satisfaction gained from learning
and doing make it worthwhile for us. What's that you say? you'de
like to tinker with a home computer but they're too expensive
and complicated. If you've done nothing more than party 6 nights
a week for the last year, take a serious look at how much you've
spent. Let's suppose a guy goes out four nights a week and puts
away 4 to 5 drinks a night, plus cover charges; that's roughly
$40 a week or $2000 a year. You can buy an inexpensive home com-
puter, software, and even take a few evening courses to learn how
to use the thing. Some of you may be getting the wrong im-
pression of old Jason. I can hear some of you mumbling now,"Lis-
ten to that old auntie go on and on. She probably locks herself
in her room and masturbates while looking at pictures of stereo
equipment." No, not quite right. I enjoy going out boogeying with
my lover or friends as much as the rest of you, but for me
it's a minor part of my life.
Oh! you say that hobbies are solitary pursuits and you don't
want to become a hermit, with only your Apple IIE for company.
If you want a hobby to be solitary, it can be; take it from
somebody who knows. When I was a kid, I had a burning passion for
electronics and spent most of my time behind a wall of test
equipment, stereo, and ham radio gear. I very seldom saw the light
of day or other human beings and slept with my soldering
iron under the pillow. I didn't socialize much except for the
other electronic wiz kids who kept me company. We ate, slept, and
drank electronics. It was during this period of time that I mom-
entarilly put the test leads down and faced the fact that I was
gay.
Now that I knew who I was, I wanted to share my interests
with other gay men. When a trick took me home I usually ended up
fixing his stereo or TV instead of his libido. Word spread that
there was a Mister Wizard at the bar and I met people through my
savvy with test equipment. I also met other gay men who shared
a passion for high-tech. These guys only went to the club occas-
ionally since outside interests kept them occupied.
If fear of lonliness is what keeps you from learning to play
the Cello, then fear not. As I said earlier, classes are a great
place to learn the pastime of your choice as well as mingle with
people of similar interests. There are also many special inter-
est groups that cater to just about any hobby imaginable and
welcome new-comers. It can serve as a night out as well as a
chance to gain some skills using a Wok. If you're worried that
there won't be any fairies to cruise at the computer user's club
you saw advertised, then maybe you should go back to the bar and
lean against that favorite wall which bears your body's imprint.
I can't understand why some guys refuse to go anywhere which may
not guarantee a roll in the hay. Remember that the straights
that may dominate the evening course you're in are also human and
believe it or not can be quite enjoyable company. If you decide to
finally quit your obsessive quest for the tall dark man you may
bump heads with him under the hood of a car in the adult educat-
ion shop class.
An old friend of mine continually complains that he doesn't
have any interests. The local bar is where he has parked his 45
year old carcass 6 nights a week for the last 8 years. When
we're together it amazes me how many subjects he's well versed
in but has never taken the time to persue. He claims he's too
old to start a hobby to which my reply is, Rubbish! The guy is
an accomplished skier and ever since I've known him, the ski
equipment has gathered dust in the hall closet. If you're like
my friend and don't know where your interests lie, it might be
beneficial to take an aptitude test or at least do some serious
soul searching as to what other people do that you're fascin-
ated by.
There are a lot of gays that I've met who have made their
hobbies into careers. One man hated his prestigious job as a
company controller. His only interest was the bars and gossip-
ing with the queens. He wasn't very attractive by physical
standards and usually went home alone He was on a treadmill
in his career as well as social life. A friend of his always
commented on his fabulous cooking. Dinner parties he threw al-
ways met rave reviews. He never thought of his cooking as a hob-
by but it was the one thing he enjoyed. On a friends request he
put together a collection of his recipes which found their way
into the right hands. His friend made a proposal that he open a
restaurant. He poo-poo'd the idea at first but today owns one
of the area's most popular eating establishments. He's also a
lot happier than when i first met him.
So what's all this stuff about pastimes boil down to? I'm
not telling all of you to rush out and buy, old cars, invest
$800 in automotive tools, and take mechanics courses; unless
that's something that you've always wanted to do. A hobby is
something that you should be able to dissolve yourself in, alone
or with others. It can also be great therapy for the mind and
soul as well as keeping the fingers busy. There's a great deal
of personal satisfaction to be gained from restoring that ant-
ique buffet you picked up at the flea market, the instrument
you've learned to play, or the radio you repaired. A hobby can
ward off bordom, get you in touch with skills you never dreamed
you had, and in general help you feel good about yourself when
your job doesn't. Oh yeah! I almost forgot. It can also make you
a much more interesting and attractive person to be around.
gam@amdahl.UUCP (Gordon A. Moffett) (12/07/84)
Very good! I enjoyed reading it very much. It has a message for
everyone, straight or gay.
--
Gordon A. Moffett ...!{ihnp4,hplabs,amd,sun}!amdahl!gam
37 22'50" N / 121 59'12" W [ This is just me talking. ]
[ Note longitude correction; I am no longer in the Pacific Ocean ]ecl@ahuta.UUCP (e.leeper) (12/10/84)
REFERENCES: <148@decwrl.UUCP> I'd like to add my two-cents' worth (on sale for only 1 cent!): You are much less likely to find antagonism among people you share interests with. My particular hobby is science fiction, and it certainly seems that among science fiction fans, a person's lifestyle is far less of a barrier to friendship than, say, the fact that they think L. Ron Hubbard is a terrific author. (This may also be a function of science fiction fans being more open to "unconventional" ideas. Who knows?) If you have had difficulties with (for example) co-workers who have found out you are gay, don't extend this to everyone. You have nothing in common with your co-workers except your job, which is probably not their main interest. People who know you because of your interests, however, are too busy being interested in the same things you are to concentrate on superfluous things (like your gayness/their homophobia/whatever). BTW, this applies to anyone who feels they "don't fit in" to the mainstream of society, and hence feels defensive--whether because of race or religion or what have you. Evelyn C. Leeper ==> Note new net address: ...ihnp4!ahuta!ecl (Mail sent to my old address will be forwarded temporarily.)