mason@pneuma.DEC (12/13/84)
Why are people taking this "scientific study" so seriously; as
though it were gospel?
Personally, I have a lot of problems with studies which seek a
single "causitive factor" (in this case a biological basis) for
just about anything. Often, they use a small sample population,
and use no control groups. They receive a great deal of attention
because they seem to be providing an easy "scientific" answer to a
complex "problem". This particular study which looks at the
mother's hormonial balance as a "cause" of homosexuality (blame it
**all** on mom...now it's her hormones, before it was her
domineering personality) seems to look only at gay men. What
about lesbians? Why do so many "scientific" studies look only at
men, and then generalize about humanity?
Personally, I don't care if being gay is a "result" of what my
mother ate when she was pregnant, how she brought me up, or that
she was wearing blue when I was conceived.
What I DO care about is that there is at least 10% of the world's
population which defines itself as gay, and probably more who are
bisexual. That we have chosen to lead a life (NOT A LIFESTYLE!)
that suits our needs and makes us HAPPY (one might even say *gay*
:-} ), is what is important. I do not feel the need to justify my
life through "scientific", "sociological", or any other kinds of
studies.
I think that Heather Emanuel raised some good questions, though,
and I wanted to respond to two of them:
>> == Heather Emanuel
>>How did you all decide you were gay?
>>Was it your own decision?
This is the same question that a friend of long standing asked me
after I came out (I was 28 at the time, and none of my friends
"suspected", at least, not out loud).
For *many* people it is more a question of finally admitting to
yourself that you are gay, or recognizing the fact, rather than
"deciding". What one can decide is to accept the fact, and choose
to live your life as a gay man or lesbian; how you choose to live
is where the decision making comes in.
Remember that sexuality is a continuum, it is not an either/or,
hetero/homo "fact". There is a great deal of room on the contiuum
for people to be celibate, bisexual; asexual, very sexual, sexual
only with men, only with women....etc.
Deciding to come out is hard for some people, easy for others. It
took me 28 years because I had believed the stereo types about
gays and took the homophonic remarks for truths. I was very homo-
phobic before I came out, and "knew" that since I wasn't like the
stereo types, I couldn't be "one of them". Once I was willing to
see myself as gay, I was able to break through all that sh*t and
see that the stereo types were just not true. I don't think you
have to come out to realize all this, but I think that you have to
be willing to accept yourself and other people for who and what
you/they are.
>> All I'm saying here is that I don't
>>think it's the job of a parent to tell
>>a child what his sexual preference is.
>>Then again, don't they really do that
>>already by assuming everyone is
>>heterosexual?
Yes. Society and families "tell" children that they are hetero-
sexual from the moment they are born (and before). It is a given.
Children who do not feel "that way" are told that they are "going
through a phase", that they will feel "differently" when they get
older. Or, worse yet, they are told that they are sick and are
sent to shrinks or put into mental institutions (that happens less
today, but there were a great number of gay men and lesbians who
were actually committed to institutions because they dared to
define their sexual preferences in a "socially unacceptable" way).
Heterosexuality is so pervasive in this society, while gay and
lesbian culture so invisible, that many people who are gay grow up
thinking they must be the "only one in the world". What a thrill
and relief to find out you are not alone...how sad for the gay men
and women who find it out late in life.
Heather: If you have kids, do the best you can, and trust that
you have given them the best you have...after that, it's all up to
them. No parent, no matter how caring, how careful has ever
raised the "perfect" kid.
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The opinions expressed above are mine; I hope they help form yours
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