jrc@ritcv.UUCP (James R. Carbin) (12/25/84)
Phil Ngai asks in net.singles: >>I was talking to a friend last night and discovered we had both dated >>homosexuals........... >>.............................. So I would like to ask, in this globe >>spanning forum, if this kind of thing seems to be more common in California? I suspect that I am risking some flames, but since the question was asked, I'll throw in my two cents. 1) It is not that uncommon for someone who is gay to maintain a cadre of dates of the opposite sex who are also gay for the express purpose of maintaining appearances. I know that on one occasion, a piece of "juicy gossip" involved a so-called hot romance between myself and a fellow employee. At that time I was so buried in the closet that I would never have dared tell the truth. I suspect that some of the female attention shown towards me was a result of the image that was created by this arrangement. I suspect that this woman also had several "straight" dates as a result of "our affair." Probably after one "comes out of the closet," their need to continue such a masquerade is eliminated (or at least sharply reduced.) 2) While an anti-homosexual attitude is still not that uncommon on the part of many individuals in our society, I believe that a much more open, realistic & enlightened environment exists today. In years past, it was not that unusual for a homosexual to marry. (Again for appearances sakes - in some cases, the spouse was actually aware, or at least suspected after awhile that this was the case - the spouse (often the straight wife) was sometimes willing (albeit reluctantly) to allow their mate to have their occasional night out on the town. Before marriage, or when marriage never occurs, many gay individuals give into the strong societal pressures to conform. Hence, they date even though the prospects of marriage (or at least a successful marriage) is almost nil. While the acceptance of homosexuality is a great deal more than even only a few years ago, fear of disclosure is still great enough to make many gays attempt to present the appearance of normalcy. And of course, there are those who are not sure of their sexuality and hence keep experi- menting. 3) In the latter case, not only does the gay individual come out on the short end, but so do all of the straight dates who are ignorant. (This assumes of course that the gay individual is really gay and not just unsure of their sexuality, which is an entirely separate issue.) (Also, the notion that you can "tell" a homosexual by some outward signs is usually a myth unless that person is a flaming queen or a butch dyke - please no flames over the use of these titles - suggest better labels if you can. The fact that the juicy gossip re: frequent dates as mentioned in paragraph #1 is evidence that this is true in at least one instance.) 4) Remember, this question was asked in net.singles and I am only responding. Before you flame, ask yourself what motivates you to do so. If you really feel that I am out of order, then flame away. For that matter, maybe you will want to flame Phil also. If this discussion is too much for some of you (i.e. like large body parts), then express your feelings about that too. as ever, j.r. {allegra,seismo}!rochester!ritcv!jrc p.s. Phil: 1) Note that I live a long way from California. 2) And if your geography is not that keen relative to the northeast, Rochester is about 350 miles from New York City..... yah know, what some would call one of the bastions of unusual lifestyles.