rjd@linus.UUCP (Robert DeBenedictis) (03/15/85)
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The opinions expressed in this article are my own and do not
necessarily reflect the opinions of the MITRE Corporation.
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Today I told my boss I was gay. I did this because I wanted to place
an ad in the corporate weekly that read:
HOUSEMATE - Male (gay), 22, seeks 2 housemates (male or female)
for 3 bedroom ranch at the Billerica end of the Middlesex Turnpike;
4 miles from MITRE. ALL utilities included (Bay State phone/ht/hw/elec).
NO couples, tobacco, or pets with fur. Available early April, $325/month.
Call Robert, x2260 or 369-1848 after 5 p.m.
The corporate weekly has a classified section for ads like this. Well, not
exactly "like this." I submitted the ad this morning. Which is why I told
my boss I was gay. I've know him off and on (always as my boss) for over 5
years. Some of the people I work with who are roughly my age had been told.
I felt my boss had "earned the right" to be told this in person, rather than
find out from some third party who had read the ad. He seemed a little caught
off guard but dealt with it admirably. I learned today that I do indeed have
a boss worth working for. It was a positive experience, though I was a real
wreck after I made up my mind to tell him, but before I actually did.
Anyway, to get to the point. I submitted the ad this morning to the staff of
the corporate weekly. This afternoon I got a call from the "man in charge."
He said that the corporation's legal counsel, Robeson Gray, had been consulted
on the matter of allowing an employee to state sexual preference in a corporate
publication. Robeson Gray advised that it not be allowed.
Why? I asked "the man in charge" he said he didn't know. He couldn't even
imagine why they might advise against the placement of such an ad. But they
did. I asked him if he could find out why, by maybe asking Robeson Gray for
an explanation of their decision. He said that he didn't think the corporation
would be willing to get involved in this issue, financially or otherwise. I
should mention that MITRE is closely related to the Air Force; over 90% of
our work comes from them.
What I want to know from you, dear reader, is What recourse do I have? None?
Tommorrow is Friday. I can think of a few people to talk to. I could go see
one of the VP's. He claims to have an "open-door" policy; anyone can make an
appointment to see him. I could see what he says. I could go to the
Affirmative Action Committee to see if they have any advice.
You may be wondering why this matters so much to me. Well, I don't know if
you've ever had the experience of having someone just totally discount your
whole being and worth because your gay. I don't want to have to answer lots
of calls only to hear "oh! uh, the room is kind of small" when I can tell
full well that I'm being rejected, not the room. As things went, I told the
editor to run the ad without the "gay". I figured I'd just deal with the hurt.
But thinking about it, I'm going to call him up tommorrow and cancel it. I do
not need that kind of aggravation. I don't need to forcefully bring myself
into contact with a cross-section of the population that is likely to make
me feel bad and helpless.
Any advice will be gladly accepted.
The sooner the better as I must decide
quickly what my response to this is.
Robert DeBenedictisrjd@linus.UUCP (Robert DeBenedictis) (03/15/85)
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The opinions expressed in this article are my own and do not
necessarily reflect the opinions of the MITRE Corporation.
O--------------------------------------------------------------O
I just had an idea. The corporation's lawyers (Robeson Gray) advised
against allowing an employee to state sexual preference in an ad. But
maybe they'll allow me to use some euphemism like "alternative lifestyle".
If anyone out there knows of any other fairly direct euphemisms, drop me a
line. My goal is to clue in as many gay people as possible to the fact that
I'm gay AND to dissuade people likely to react unfavorably to my gayness
BUT without coming out and saying that I'm gay. Got that?
Robert DeBenedictiscuzz@sphinx.UChicago.UUCP (Laura Cuzzillo) (03/20/85)
It seems to me there are 2 issues here. Is your employer right in where he "draws the line" on what may or may not be published in the company paper? and Will including that you're gay in your add accomplish your screening purpose? My opinion on the first question is NO!! Being gay or wishing to publish that info simply does not belong on the "bad" side of any line whether it relates to employment, housing, free speech, or whatever. Perhaps they do have to draw a line, but why should being gay automatically fall behind that line? I agree that bigots go behind that line (no Italians need apply). It MIGHT be legit to restrict sex adds (sadist seeks masocist, man seeks woman, woman seeks woman, whatever). It is surely ok to reject anything illegal (addict seeks dealer). But for crying out loud, don't let them bunch you in with the baddies. However, the other side of that question is do they have a right to reject all or part of your ad? Probably. It's too bad, but companies usually reserve the right to edit everything, and I don't think there's much you can do about it. As for the other question, my advice is don't do it. From your messages, it seems to me that your purpose is to shield yourself from the jerks of the world, not to make some political or personal stand. If you say you're gay in your ad, you may avoid some or even most of the people who are too ignorant and or insecure to live with a gay man. On the other hand, you are inviting a much worse sort, namely the crank callers and harrassers, who will call just to give you grief. Believe me, the former (uh, uh, I don't know, uh, I think the room's too small) is alot easier to take. This is especially true because your ad will be in a company paper, presumably anyone who wants could find out who you are, where your office is, etc, and really make your life hell. (Someone I know became known as a lesbian at work - a social work dept in a hospital. She had to leave shortly thereafter because she started to get dogshit, dead birds, and such through interdepartmental mail. Her managers basically said "What did you expect?"). So leave "gay" out of your ad. Then you'll get calls only from real house hunters, and you'll be in control because you have something they want. Then when you interview them face to face, if you get that far, ask them if they have any problems dealing with gays. But remember, stay in control. The question is not an apology. If they can't deal with it, they can't live with you. That's that. Most important remember that if they can't deal with it, IT'S THEIR PROBLEM, not yours. It's they who should be embarrassed for being narrow minded, ignorant bigots, not you for having the integrity to be yourself. I hope this all makes sense to you. And good luck finding a good housemate.