rjd@linus.UUCP (Robert DeBenedictis) (03/31/85)
This discussion has gotten a little heated. Kinda like the old days
when all we ever did was argue about religion and our right to be
human. Anyway, the original ad, that sparked this conversation read
like this:
HOUSEMATE - Male (gay), 22, seeks 2 housemates
(male or female) for 3 bedroom ranch at the
Billerica end of the Middlesex Turnpike; 4 miles
from MITRE. ALL utilities included (Bay State
phone/ht/hw/elec). NO couples, tobacco, or pets
with fur. Available early April, $325/month.
Call Robert, x2260 or 369-1848 after 5 p.m.
As you can see, I wasn't excluding straights. However, I would really
rather live with a gay person. Discrimination you say? Not really.
It's more like an all-girls school. Right Now, in my life, I could
use a few examples of gay men. I live out in the suburbs and my contact
with other gay people is somewhat limited.
There are certain things that I can count on from almost any gay person,
that I can't count on from some of my straights friends. Sometimes, my
straight friends can inadvertently make me feel real shitty about being
gay. I don't know that they mean it; but let me give you an example:
I was over at a friend's room in his frat house the other day.
He knows I'm gay. I recently told one of his roommate's that
I'm gay. I think my friend's roommate is a real cutie, but I
don't know if he'd ever consider romance with a gay man. Any-
way, the cutie answered the phone. We were listening and his
tone of voice was real formal. At one point he said something
like "I look forward to that very much." To this my friend
commented (though not directly to me) "Yeah, he sounds like he
looks forward to that about as much as having a hot stick shoved
up his ass."
Now, I never quite know how to deal with comments like that. And something
tells me that if I had a gay roommate, I wouldn't have to worry about things
like that. Would anyone deny me the right to live with others of my kind?
You know, being gay in a predominantly straight environment can be
lonely. That experience I just described happened last night. This
net is really the only place I can talk about it. Oh, sure, I could
give my best gay friend in New York a call; but he's usually out or
sleeping on the weekends. And I've got some gay friends in Beantown,
I could call one of them up and tell them. But how much nicer it would
be to be able to come home and cry on a sympathetic roomies shoulder.
O.K., you got that? You see, there are good reasons for being allowed
to choose whom you live with. And just because I might only want to
live with a certain kind of roommate doesn't make me an asshole. It
just means that right now I maybe don't have the fortitude or stamina
to justify my existence on a daily basis.
Robert DeBenedictiswp80@sdcc12.UUCP (wp80) (04/19/85)
In article <295@linus.UUCP>, rjd@linus.UUCP (Robert DeBenedictis) writes: > > There are certain things that I can count on from almost any gay person, > that I can't count on from some of my straights friends. Sometimes, my > straight friends can inadvertently make me feel real shitty about being > gay. I don't know that they mean it; but let me give you an example: > I was over at a friend's room in his frat house the other day. > He knows I'm gay. I recently told one of his roommate's that > I'm gay. I think my friend's roommate is a real cutie, but I > don't know if he'd ever consider romance with a gay man. Any- > way, the cutie answered the phone. We were listening and his > tone of voice was real formal. At one point he said something > like "I look forward to that very much." To this my friend > commented (though not directly to me) "Yeah, he sounds like he > looks forward to that about as much as having a hot stick shoved > up his ass." > Now, I never quite know how to deal with comments like that. And something > tells me that if I had a gay roommate, I wouldn't have to worry about things > like that. > Robert DeBenedictis Robert, what an interesting story and discussion. First, I agree with the posting of your ad. You have every right to decide who you want to share your life and in taking on a roommate. You should know that you are protected under the 14 admendment in terms of freedom of choice (an overused phrase) unless, of course, there are more than two of you and depending on your local housing laws I'm afraid you might have to take on a non-gay. Nothing would stop you of course by letting the applicants know that you are gay. There are cases available on this very subject but lets talk about another problem which seems all too real. Bob, I can relate to your being lonely as the only gay person in your enviornment. I am black and am often times the only non-white. My problem goes even deeper because I can never hide it or pretend not to be black. Can you imagine me telling someone that I am (what a joke - those of us who make confessions are always the last to know what everyone else already knew.) However I am very proud of my blackness and it is always there for me, yet, it is not an issue in my "everyday life." Sure there are comments that people make but, I guess as a group (blacks) and as an individual we have learned to take these comments in stride. For instance when someone use the word NIGGER it has no affect. When you feel good about yourself words and phrases like this tend to loose its punch. Where am I going with this you ask? Well your story about your friend sounded very interesting but he only implied that the person on the phone does not enjoy "hot sticks up his ass." And frankly Robert I cannot think of anyone who would. In any case, he simply did not enjoy talking to whomever it was on the phone and he certainly did not want to be about the event he agreed to participate. Lets not be too sensitive about our sexuality. I enjoy a good group of friends here in San Diego that are nonjudgemental and comprise a good cross section of Americana. We celebrate every holiday! If your frat friend is a true friend, and I'm sure he is, enjoy being with him as he enjoys being with you and who knows....Oh never mind that will simply be another problem for you. Take care. Raynard