daemon@decwrl.UUCP (The devil himself) (04/25/85)
There seems to be a lot of discussion going on about role models. When
I was in the process of coming out, one thing that held me back was that I
would not associate myself with *them*. Although I knew I was attracted to
men; the only role models I had to go on were the ones put out by Hollywood;
suicidal neurotic individuals. The other model I had was the one I was prog-
rammed with since childhood; the little old man in the playground who would
lure young boys with candy or the transvestite. This was enough to keep me in
the closet until I started college. I used to hear my frat brothers joke about
the *queer* bar in Tyngsboro; that the perverts raped young boys right on stage,
everyone got molested in the men's room, etc. A few Saturdays afterward I got
up the courage to visit this bar and *poof* no fairies, just normal appearing
men and women. I also ran into two of my college professors that night; both
were men I admired as teachers. They introduced me to a lot of other people
from campus; all masculine down to earth guys. It took me a couple of years to
change my views of gays and to accept myself as one since I had an entire life-
time of negative roll models to identify with; that was 13 years ago.
I grew up in Lowell, Mass which is a conservative old mill town. When I was
a kid gays were beaten up at best. You had to be macho or you were an outcast.
That attitude is still pretty strong in Lowell. Even the UNiversity of Lowell
which I attended tends to be homophobic.
One thing that's kind of funny is that I've become somewhat of a positive
gay role model to a few roughneck kids in Lowell; one my best friend's son. They
are by no means gay themselves but defend gays in front of friends. I was at
my best friend's home and his 14 year old was in the living room with his
friends; we were in the kitchen. I could hear queer this and fairy that com-
ing from the living room; then Scott shouted out, "Hey ya better not talk
about gays that way. My dad's best friend is gay and he's a good shit"
I looked at my friend's wife and said, "I gotta get in on this" since
the boys didn't know I was gay. I went into the living room and asked Scott,
"what's up?" Scott looked at his friends and said, "See! that's Ray. He's my
dad's best friend" The other boys were kinda shocked and silent. One asked,
"are you really queer man?" I asked,"whaddaya think?" He answered,"Naww can't
be" We spent the entire afternoon chatting. These kids had been programmed
by their peers and parents the same way that I was. They just found it hard
to believe that gay men could be masculine, muscular and have deep voices.
After that whenever I went over and Scott's friends were there they were
always friendly and had lots of very positive honest questions to ask about
what it was like to be gay. I feel good that I've blown some of their stereo-
types away.
Ray