levasseur@morgan.DEC (07/16/85)
The following in no way reflects the opinions of |d|i|g|i|t|a|l| Equipment
Corporation, my terminal, morgan, or the janitor who empties my waste bas-
ket but are from my own personal observations.
Jason on Bars and Bar Behavior
******************************
Some of you may remember my postings regarding liars and the
little tete-a-tete I had with Dan. Closely related to this is the sub-
ject of lines some guys will try using on the unsuspecting. I've not-
iced in the gay scene; particularly the bars, that this is common. I
used to be a sucker for the, "trust me, I'm honest when I say this"
line of bullshit. I've found that the guys who continually try market-
ing some virtue in themselves, usually lack that very quality.
I'm not really sure why a lot of gay men have to use these lines
to manipulate others but my own theory is that it stems out of their own
insecurity and lonliness. They project unrealistic hopes in the minds
of the unsuspecting regarding where this one night of passion will lead.
Of course this is very common in the cruise bars and discos where users
and bullshit artists hang out. Since recently moving to Boston I'm freq-
ienting bars more often and am noticing a lot that I never did while
living beyond the burbs. It can be fun to go bar hopping with a friend
or two and observe the various games that get played; and people wonder
why soooo many guys go home alone, the AIDS crisis aside.
I don't usually stay until closing, but it's entertaining to
watch the last minute shopping that goes on during the "Hour of Desper-
ation" or "last call syndrome" I really don't have the time anymore to
play this game; I'de rather go home alone. I guess that in my old age
I'm learning that the Bars are not the place to make busom buddies or
meet Mr right. My favorite place is a dark little levi cruise bar that
locals affectionately refer to as "119". It's friendlier than most Bos-
ton bars and every form of gay lunacy prevails here, which makes for en-
tertaining evenings. What follows is some sharing of goings on behind the
doors where "they only come out at night"
The Secret Agent
----------------
This is the guy who follows you around all night but ducks into the shadows
as soon as you approach him. He'll stand so closely behind you that you can
feel his breath on your neck; turn around and he's gone. These guys prefer
fantasy to reality. As long as you're at arm's length, they can fantasize
what you'de be like in bed but would rather not follow through. I sometimes
wonder if these are private eyes that my mother hires to keep tabs on me.
The Tall Dark Stranger
----------------------
Somewhat related to the above, the stranger will dress in cowboy, military
or clone drag. Ya know the type; muscles for days, Marine ball cap and
khaki tank top revealing hairy pecs, boots, and dark glasses. They're us-
ually found leaning against juke boxes, poles or near the pool table. They
like being thought of as somewhat of a mystery. I think that they're a mys-
tery too.....why do they bother going out when all they do is stand silently
scanning the horizon. I would love to know what, if anything, goes on in
their heads.
The Idler
---------
Almost always found in discos by the edge of the dance floor. You can spot
them standing there; shaking their buns to the music and looking around in
search of a dance partner. As soon as someone asks them to dance, they either
walk away or say that they're just resting; maybe later! I wish they'de take
their act somewhere else and make room for the people who really like to
dance with others.
The Entourage
-------------
These are the stars of gay nightlife. Usually they make a stylishly late ap
pearance at the bar in a small tight cluster. They can be picked out by their
garishly chic GQ costumes; flowing pants, Hawaiian shirts and Panama hats.
They don't tend to drink much since they've taken their drugs before going
out. Pretty to look at, not much else.
The Voyeurs
-----------
Straight couples who drop into the gay disco so that they can tell all their
friends in the burbs that they were trendy. Some honestly come because the
music is much better than in the straight clubs.
Census Takers
-------------
Usually found sitting close to the entrance. They examine every new face that
comes in. You can hear their necks snap every time the door opens. Bar manage-
ment should offer them jobs as doormen where they can hold a little tally
counter. Always looking for the "Tall Dark Man" who never seems to show up.
Blushing Wallflower
-------------------
Usually found in some dark corner, curled up in a catatonic ball. They sit
there, playing with the ice in their drinks and dare not look at anyone for
fear that someone might talk to them.
S & M Crowd
-----------
No! Not Sado/Masochism, but stand and model. The Stranger, Idler and Entourage
fall under this category. They never talk to or leave with anyone; just there
to be seen. I could never get into this and find it a waste of time and bor-
ing. They move around occasionally or at least shift their weight to let the
other patrons know that they're alive.
The Desperado
-------------
As soon as "Last Call" is announced these denizens spring to life. They also
fall into the S & M crowd. The reality hits that the evening is over and their
bed has grown cobwebs from lack of use. Of course there are also the big game
hunters who's bedposts have so many notches in them that all that remains is a
pile of sawdust. These guys cannot bear to go home alone and last call usually
gets them networking. They also wait until the last minute to do their Christ-
mas shopping. The desperado is a confused soul who cannot make a decision until
it's almost too late.
Bulldozers
----------
These are the guys who barge their way through the bar or across the dance
floor; self important snobs who think they own the joint. No matter where I
stand they manage to push and prod me or anyone else out of the way.
Duck and Cover Crowd
--------------------
When the lights come up at last call, they run for cover of darkness; any shad-
ow will do. They look good in bar light, or lack thereof but have an aversion
to normal lighting. "Is My mascara running?"
The Tycoons
-----------
Aka Bullshit artists. They love to strike up conversation with a stranger and
ramble on about all their material belongings, money and success; most of it
a figment of their imaginations. They can be a hazard to themselves and don't
even know it since there are ears in most bars that tune into such idle chatter.
This type of soul may find himself robbed in an alley after the bar closes.
The Storyteller
---------------
I feel bad for these guys who want to tell you the entire story of their lives
in one evening; complete with family albums and the tragic tale of Aunt Gert-
rude's stroke. I really think that they're lonely souls and are looking for
companionship.
The Shit Stinking Falling Down Drunk
------------------------------------
Speaks for himself. I don't know why, but wherever I stand one of these guys
seems to bump into/lean on me. Responsible bartenders and managers don't us-
ually let anyone get to this point.
There are many other varieties of flaura and fauna lurking in the
shadows but these are the ones that I see the most of. I prefer to sit back
and watch the show, "bartender, more popcorn....and another beer" I've learned
to hold the evening at arm's length and appreciate it for what it is; whatever
that might be.
Quirks and Lines of the Clubs
-----------------------------
The ritual that amazes me is the obligatory passing of small pieces
of paper between men. I knew one guy who had an entire dresser drawer full
of phone numbers from people he never called. This is probably safer than
the big game hunter but wastefull of time; to say nothing of the trees that
are cut down to make the paper that trick sheets are made of. The lines ass-
ociated with this ritual really got me, "here's my number, call me", or
"give me your number, I promiss I'll call on Tuesday". Have you ever noticed
how many times you call these guys and they always seem to be busy or not at
home? I used to sit home with cobwebs on my fanny, waiting for the long awaited
call from Mr Right, which never came. Now I say,"ok I should be home, if I'm
not leave a message on the machine. Gay men have made answering machines a
multimillion dollar industry. Next to Doctors, Lawyers and other business; gays
buy more answering machines to cope with the influx of trick sheet calls.
When it's time to go out all the boys spend hours in the bathroom,
primping themselves for the evening. I had a roomate that took an hour to
get ready to go out. He would try on his entire wardrobe each night before
finding something suitable to wear. The "Weekend Brownout" usually takes
place in this time period; in Boston it's usually from 9-11:00 pm when all
the hair dryers in Boston go on all at once and sap power from the North-
east power grid. Think about it! Multiply ~1000 watts for the average hair-
dryer by the number of boys doing the town and you're talking Megawatts!
I look at it this way, if they can't accept me the way I am, then F***'em
My ritual....shower, 5 minutes, shave and brush teeth another 3, grab a
pair of 501's and a shirt another 5.......gee, It only takes me 13 minutes
to get ready. Since my hair is short and I don't have much left, I don't
need a hair dryer. What takes the other 45 minutes for me is deciding,
do I really wanna go out and expose myself to all this bull tonight?
I'll skip the gory details of driving in city traffic, searching
for a parking space, etc and am now outside the bar of my choice. Before en-
tering I try to condition myself by repeating "This isn't real, it's all
a mass hallucination, a fantasy. Nobody can hurt me, the force is with
me. The tall dark man doesn't exist, it's all Hollywood hype to make me
an obsessive compulsive hunter, etc, etc" Quite a Mantra, huh! I enter
the bar, not expecting anything to happen; this is when it usually does!
As the evening wears on and I chat with people I know, more and more men
chat and pass comments to me "Geee you're a hot man". I consider the
source and try taking it as a compliment. As "Last call" approaches, the
same guy might come by again and say, "I think you're a REALLY hot man"
This is only if the guy hasn't landed one of the other guys he's been feed-
ing this line of crap to. By this time I may have danced myself silly with
friends, had a few drinks, put up with incredible attitude, etc and go home
alone because I'm tired and consider myself too good a person for the hour
of desperation lottery. Finally after 14 years of being out, I can put the
bars in perspective; not to be taken too seriously. Lastly here is a little
table of commonly used lines and what I percieve them to really mean
What he said What I believe he said
-------------- ----------------------
"I think you're hot" Closely related, could be a sincere com-
"You're a handsome Man" pliment or a line of bull. I assume that
they've been roaming around all night
telling various men this same line until
someone takes the bait.
"I'll call you next weeK" Don't hold your breath Chucko! I am sur-
prised when they actually do; one out of
100 ain't bad.
"Call Me on Tuesday" I always follow up but very rarely are
they ever in. I leave a message to call
me back, if I'm not in leave a message
on the machine.
"You're not like all the others" No I'm not! they usually are, and I cut
my losses quite soon if there's the haz-
ard of emotional damage inflicted by
these turkeys.
"You're nice, I like you" That's nice!
"Geee I want to take you home Decoded, means "I have a lover" I usually
but have a roomate. Can we go politely decline the offer. can also mean
to your place?" they live with their folks.
"I want you!" For their trophy collection, another notch
on the bedpost.
"I never go to the bars, just From experience, they're usually as much a
happened to come out tonight" fixture at the bar as the poles that sup-
port the building it's in.
"I never go home with anyone Usually their beds handle more traffic than
you're a first" the Mass Turnpike at rush hour.
"I could easilly fall in love They could fall in love with anyone who
with you" they take home.
"I love you" (on the first time) WHAT!!!! Love developes over time, not the
time period between when I meet the guy and
we go to bed.
"I don't like drugs" Yeah, except a little grass, mda, poppers
lsd or speed once in a while. They're the
first to ask if you want to smoke a joint.
"I've never done this before but It doesn't take a medical doctor to tell
for you I'll make an exception" if someone's telling the truth here; nuff
said!
"I want to see you again" Chances are that what he means is that he
wouldn't mind chatting next time he sees
you at the bar. Don't read too much into
this line.
These are just a few of the lines that I hear most often. Bottom line
to all of this is that over the years I've come to expect very little from the
guys who live in the bars. To put it another way, I take what's said in the
bars with a grain of salt. They are a necessary evil of our subculture and can
be fun and entertaining when put in their proper perspective
*Jason*rob@ptsfa.UUCP (Rob Bernardo) (07/18/85)
In article <3127@decwrl.UUCP> levasseur@morgan.DEC writes: > Jason on Bars and Bar Behavior > ****************************** >.... Since recently moving to Boston I'm freq- >ienting bars more often and am noticing a lot that I never did while >living beyond the burbs. It can be fun to go bar hopping with a friend >or two and observe the various games that get played; >.... What follows is some sharing of goings on behind the >doors where "they only come out at night" > >The Secret Agent >---------------- >This is the guy who .... > >The Tall Dark Stranger >---------------------- >Somewhat related to the above, the stranger will .... > What followed in the above article were descriptions of several stereotyped behaviors the author found in gay bars. The article distressed me. If it was intended to be humorous, it missed the mark with me. I found it merely to be nasty criticism of the behavior of people only seen at a distance. The criticism seems to me to be pointless - it does not shed any light on the behaviors described - it merely criticizes without any attempt at understanding. I realized some may view my reaction as humorless, but it really hurts me when I see a gay man putting down others in this fashion. LABEL JARS, NOT PEOPLE. I don't know, maybe I'm just in a humorless mood today. -- +--------------+-------------------------------+ | Rob Bernardo | Pacific Bell | +--------------+ 2600 Camino Ramon, Room 4E700 | | 415-823-2417 | San Ramon, California 94583 | +--------------+-------------------------------+---------+ | ihnp4!ptsfa!rob | | {nsc,ucbvax,decwrl,amd,fortune,zehntel}!dual!ptsfa!rob | +--------------------------------------------------------+
psh@hound.UUCP (P.HANSON) (07/23/85)
In response to Rob's posting, I have to agree that the practice of stereotyping people in bars is a dangerous thing. If one goes into a bar, has a drink and scans the place to observe behavior hoping to spot someone to meet, one can't help but categorize people the way Jason has done. And yet, it's natural to "scope out" the bar. You're prrobably not going to walk into the place and strike up a deep conversation with the first stranger you come across. You're going to look for somebody you think you might be more appealing once you start talking to them. The danger of stereotying is that most people exhibit some stereotypical behavior but discounting them as undesireable people to meet means that you'll probably sit at the bar and drink alone that night (and thus fit an undesireable stereotype yourself). It's also possible that someone may exhibit stereotypically undesireable behavior as a disguise so that everyone and their brothers don't hit on them. But, once they find someone that attracts them, away goes the disguise. I did not take offense at Jason's posting. In fact I found myself recalling images of people I had met, that fit his descriptions. I was amused the way he stated his observations but I didn't learn anything that would help me out in a bar situation. I do believe that Jason published a similar article on answering personal ads. Now that article did give some constructive tips. I have a hardcopy of that one around here somewhere...now where did I put that thing?
wdc@mit-eddie.UUCP (William Cattey) (07/27/85)
I agree that, in theory, people should not be labeled. However, I am afraid that although Rob did not like the Jason's article, there is a common theme in the article, and in Rob's criticism: Distance. Most of the time I find Gay bars unpleasent places to visit. I don't visit them much anymore. I'd rather watch television, and I haven't plugged my television in in nearly a year. You're right Rob! Jason describes stereotypes of people seen from a distance. The distance is the one they create. I have all but given up trying to bridge that distance. My observation is that if I meet you, for example, at a bar, you won't talk to me unless you have been introduced to me by someone we both know. The rest of the environment is people keeping their distance. Jason, your insights are right on target. If I meet you at a bar, how can I know how to reach you in the midst of those clawing to meet me for the one night stand, or those who walk away in mid sentence? Find me at Spinoff on Tuesdays. The light is better, and when there is nobody I know, I can enjoy pure skating. Gay skating is little better than bars, but I feel comfortable enough there so that I don't get so cynically pissed off when people play distance games. Besides, a few of the better skaters are nice people and love to teach what they know. Just popped in after a long time off the list, Bill Cattey
mel@ihmax.UUCP (m lyn) (07/28/85)
> In article <3127@decwrl.UUCP> levasseur@morgan.DEC writes: > > Jason on Bars and Bar Behavior > > ****************************** > >.... Since recently moving to Boston I'm freq- > >ienting bars more often and am noticing a lot that I never did while > >living beyond the burbs. It can be fun to go bar hopping with a friend > >or two and observe the various games that get played; > >.... What follows is some sharing of goings on behind the > >doors where "they only come out at night" > > > >The Secret Agent > >---------------- > >This is the guy who .... > > > >The Tall Dark Stranger > >---------------------- > >Somewhat related to the above, the stranger will .... > > > What followed in the above article were descriptions of several stereotyped > behaviors the author found in gay bars. > > The article distressed me. If it was intended to be humorous, it missed > the mark with me. I found it merely to be nasty criticism of the behavior of > people only seen at a distance. The criticism seems to me to be pointless - it > does not shed any light on the behaviors described - it merely criticizes > without any attempt at understanding. I realized some may view my reaction as > humorless, but it really hurts me when I see a gay man putting down others > in this fashion. > > LABEL JARS, NOT PEOPLE. > > I don't know, maybe I'm just in a humorless mood today. > -- > > > +--------------+-------------------------------+ > | Rob Bernardo | Pacific Bell | > +--------------+ 2600 Camino Ramon, Room 4E700 | > | 415-823-2417 | San Ramon, California 94583 | > +--------------+-------------------------------+---------+ > | ihnp4!ptsfa!rob | > | {nsc,ucbvax,decwrl,amd,fortune,zehntel}!dual!ptsfa!rob | > +--------------------------------------------------------+ I wish it was simple to look at another and not try to categorize him/ her just let them "BE", then we wouldn't tend to have all the problems we are experiencing today, now would we ( or wouldn't we)? ________ |------| / \ | ______ | | | gay| | | ------ | |________|