sdyer@bbncc5.UUCP (Steve Dyer) (08/19/85)
SOME THOUGHTS ON BISEXUALITY
Yes its the worst of both worlds, but its also the best of both
worlds. I can go out on a beach and enjoy watching twice as many
beautiful bodies as the average person. I can discuss sexual issues
with both Straights and Gays from a position of empathy.
I finally came to terms with my sexuality about two years ago, after
many years of self-doubt and confusion. Oddly enough, my first two
sexual encounters happened at the same time in summer camp. One was
with a girl, and one was with a boy. (I wonder if this was a symptom or
a cause). This was before I had even heard of the idea of
homosexuality, but when I finally did, I felt tremendous guilt and
confusion. What was I, gay or straight? I tried to suppress the same
sex tendencies I felt, and kept focusing on my opposite sex ones, to
reassure myself that I was "normal".
Since I was pretty much a greasy nurd in high school, open manifestation
of my sexual tendencies was not an issue. Yet even though I was
asexual, I certainly FELT desires. I kept trying to dismiss them,
"Simply a matter of intellectual curiosity" I would say to myself about my
strange desire to be a voyeur in the boys room. But then I would think
back to my experience in camp...
I lost my virginity with a woman my freshman year at college. I was
so relieved! Now I had "proved" that my past "gay" tendencies were
merely an abberation!
Proved, that is, except for the pesky problem that I still felt a
tremendous interest in male bodies as well.
A year later, a gay friend came out to me. This proved to be a
crucial event, for it gave me someone whom I could speak in confidence
with about my sexual feelings. I had long discussion with him about
my sexual history and my confused feelings. He gave me much reassuring
advice which allowed me to feel comfortable with what I was.
Since that time, I've fully accepted myself as bi-sexual, and have had
relations with both sexes. But to most of the
outside world, I'm apparently straight. I don't suppress my feelings
about men, I just don't actively pursue them. Given the homophobic
nature of society, its so much easier to act upon my straight urges.
However, when a "gay" opportunity presents itself, I won't necessarily
turn it down.
While I have accepted my feelings, I still don't fully understand them.
I seem to be attracted to men who have somewhat effeminate characteristics.
Perhaps I just see them as quasi-women? I don't know... it seems to
me that there is so much overlap among "male" and "female" personalities
that one should be able to love both sexes equally easily (given the
right member of that sex), and thus should be able to express physical
affection equally easily as well (if that physical affection is
a manifestation of personal affection). I'm reminded of a story in which
a woman asks the man who loves her,
"Would you love me if I lost a leg?"
"Yes"
"How about all my limbs"
"yes"
"How about if all of my body became disfigured, so that you couldn't tell
what sex I was?"
"yes"
"So why wouldn't you love me if I was a man?"
The point being that what you love about a person is so much more than
their external physical features. If sex is ideally the ultimate union
of two people in love, it would seem to me that in a healthy society
bisexuality should be the norm, rather than the exception.
Comments?
P.S. I've been reading this newsgroup since its inception. I've found
it very theraputic; since my face to contacts with gay men are limited,
and I'm "out" to very few people, this group has provided me with a
strange sense of " anonymous comraderie". Thanks to Steve Dyer and
other brave folk who brought about the creation of this group.
--
/Steve Dyer
{harvard,seismo}!bbnccv!bbncc5!sdyer
sdyer@bbncc5.ARPArob@ptsfa.UUCP (Rob Bernardo) (08/20/85)
In article <424@bbncc5.UUCP> anonymous writes: >SOME THOUGHTS ON BISEXUALITY > >Yes its the worst of both worlds, but its also the best of both >worlds. I can go out on a beach and enjoy watching twice as many >beautiful bodies as the average person. Just because someone is attracted to members of both genders, it doesn't follow that s/he is attracted to twice as many people. I don't enjoy watching all men and friends of mine who are less "picky" than me enjoy watching a broader spectrum of men at the beach than I do. Seems to me that someone who is relatively "unpicky" but attracted to members of only one gender may in fact enjoy watching more people at the beach than a "picky" bisexual. I think our culture leads us to think of our attraction simply in terms of the gender of the object of our attraction. The terms we have for categorizing sexual attractions are based solely on gender, more specifically the sameness or oppositeness of gender. Gender DOES play an important role in our sexual attractions - which is to be expected since gender is the most salient characteristic of a person. But other features of a person are important, too. -- +--------------+-------------------------------+ | Rob Bernardo | Pacific Bell | +--------------+ 2600 Camino Ramon, Room 4E700 | | 415-823-2417 | San Ramon, California 94583 | +--------------+-------------------------------+---------+ | ihnp4!ptsfa!rob | | {nsc,ucbvax,decwrl,amd,fortune,zehntel}!dual!ptsfa!rob | +--------------------------------------------------------+