frye@bbncca.ARPA (Roger E. Frye) (08/20/85)
As a bisexual,
I've been able to find lots of extra ways of hiding out.
I was able to tell myself that I was adaptable or curious and adventuresome.
When I had sex with men, I was just venting my excess sexual energy.
(At least I could say that until I began looking at how intense male-male
sex can be for me.)
When I wrote articles and layed out issues for the Gay Community News,
I was just hanging out with my friends and using the paper as a way to get
published.
(At least I could say that until they asked me to review a book about
bisexuality, and I couldn't find a model voice inside me to write in.)
When I lived and danced and marched and read books with lesbians
(what's the label for the gay counterpart of a fag-hag?),
well, I don't feel like dismissing that part too easily.
There is the attraction to strong, independent women.
There is the opportunity of being in the gay world without having to act.
(I meant "act" as in action, but I'll leave in "act" as in a play.)
By the bye again, has anyone noticed how many lesbians have begun sleeping
with men lately? Is this just a local anomaly? My data: Boston 4,
Seattle 2.
Back to the subject.
I'm talking about using bisexuality as an extra way of hiding out in response
to P.HANSON:
So, where are they all? Bisexuality is interesting because there are
now two closets to hide in i.e. one can be openly gay or straight and
yet sneak on over to the other side. There is good reason for one
to do this. We now have admittedly gay politicians and public servants
but could you imagine an admittedly bisexual one?
I used to live in suburban Weston, MA. After my boyfriend spent some time
with me there, and we had gotten back to his place in Boston, he told me how
uncomfortable he had been in that heterosexual atmosphere. The house itself
had been full of lesbians, and he has no problem with that, but the neighborhood
reeked for him of the assumption of family. This frightened me. I hadn't
seen how easily I hid when I bought condoms at the store or took out gay
books at the library. A few moments of suspicion by strangers against a
continual inner feeling of not belonging there. For me going to a gay area
is a charged experience, for him it's going home.
Rob Bernardo calls this disenfranchisement.
By the bye, Rob, thank you for your excellent article.
It brought me near to tears.
There are similar but different kinds of loneliness and laughter for bisexuals,
but the terror of AIDS is there for us all.
P. HANSON also asks:
Is being bisexual never
to be happy? To satisfy both sexual preferences nearly eliminates the
possibility of a monogamous relationship. And to have a monogamous
relationship implies a sort of celebacy. Or does it?
and Rob Bernardo suggests a logical narrowing by distinguishing those with
the problem because they have "separate sexual desires for males and females"
from those who do not because they have "a single sexual desire that can be
satisfied by both males and females."
Well, a lot of things were going on when my girlfriend and I agreed on the
idea of me having a boyfriend too. One of them was that I would just be
venting excess sexual energy with a man (single desire theory). Another
was that it wouldn't be as threatening to our relationship since it was only
a man (single desire theory, since I'm more attracted to women). Another
was that it would give me a chance to explore my homosexuality (separate
desire theory, but also how to hide desires for nonmonogamy under the label
of bisexuality).
Then there is the experience itself and I have to put it in both categories.
(I know, I know, bisexuals are that way because they can't make choices.)
The stubble on my boyfriend's cheek excites me in a different way than the
fuzz on my girlfriend's cheek. On the other cheek, biting their calipygous
cheeks gives me quite similar pleasure.
No, I don't think that being bisexual is never to be happy. While I was
monogamous, I enjoyed other men and women from a distance. Now while
I'm not, it feels like I am always happy. I expect that I'll settle down
to the safer haven of monogamy with someone again, this time with an even
greater appreciation of how attractive everyone is.
Are there any married bisexuals out there? (P. HANSON)
Yes. Not me, although I was married for 14 years. I was very straight then.
I belong to the Boston Bisexual Men's Network. I would say that half of us
are married or in primary relationships with women. We have had discussions
and videotapes of the television shows on the special problems of married
bisexuals, and one of the subgroups which meets more frequently is of married
bisexuals. Most, but not all of these men, were out to their wives.
-Roger Frye (617)-497-3155
{harvard,seismo}!bbnccv!frye
frye@bbn-unix.arpahollombe@ttidcc.UUCP (The Polymath) (08/22/85)
In article <1534@bbncca.ARPA> frye@bbncca.ARPA (Roger E. Frye) writes: > >By the bye again, has anyone noticed how many lesbians have begun sleeping >with men lately? Is this just a local anomaly? My data: Boston 4, >Seattle 2. Sorry to pull this aside out of a barely related article, but it did strike a chord with me. Although not gay myself, I was, for a number of years and reasons too complex to go into here, involved with the lesbian community in Los Angeles and, later, in London. The time period spanned nearly 10 years from the mid 60's to mid 70's. Anyway, from my experience, there's nothing "lately" about Roger's anomaly. Though both our samples are tiny, this sort of thing has been going on probably throughout history. I've known a number of lesbians who slept with men at one time or another for various reasons. Occasionally the man in question was me. Some will insist that these women were in fact bisexual. I define them as they defined themselves. I have no idea what this means, if anything, but would like to hear comments from some of the lesbians (or gay women, if you prefer) on the net. -_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_ The Polymath (aka: Jerry Hollombe) Citicorp TTI Common Sense is what tells you that a ten 3100 Ocean Park Blvd. pound weight falls ten times as fast as a Santa Monica, CA 90405 one pound weight. (213) 450-9111, ext. 2483 {philabs,randvax,trwrb,vortex}!ttidca!ttidcc!hollombe
sophie@mnetor.UUCP (Sophie Quigley) (08/26/85)
In article <704@ttidcc.UUCP> hollombe@ttidcc.UUCP (The Polymath) writes: >In article <1534@bbncca.ARPA> frye@bbncca.ARPA (Roger E. Frye) writes: >>By the bye again, has anyone noticed how many lesbians have begun sleeping >>with men lately? Is this just a local anomaly? My data: Boston 4, >>Seattle 2. > >Anyway, from my experience, there's nothing "lately" about Roger's anomaly. >Though both our samples are tiny, this sort of thing has been going on >probably throughout history. I've known a number of lesbians who slept >with men at one time or another for various reasons. Occasionally the man >in question was me. > >I have no idea what this means, if anything, but would like to hear >comments from some of the lesbians (or gay women, if you prefer) on the >net. Maybe this simply meant that they were physically (or otherwise) attracted to you and your friends. What else should it mean? -- Sophie Quigley {allegra|decvax|ihnp4|linus|watmath}!utzoo!mnetor!sophie