levasseur@morgan.DEC (Ray EMD & S Admin 223-5027) (10/16/85)
Jason on Aggression
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Since the advent of the AIDS epidemic I've seen a subtle increase in
the amount of "Fag Bashing" in the Boston area; taunts shouted from passing
cars have also increased. This could be due to the ignorance and fear on the
part of the aggressors, "Kill the fags and the problem will go away". It's
pretty hard to be rational with these guys since they're behavior is fueled
by adrenalin, testoscerone and irrational fear. I'll put aside the pure
definition of Homophobia in this posting and aim at aggression.
In the strictest sense, man has always been an aggressor; on the battle-
field, gridiron and in industry. We do need a certain amount of aggression
to get ahead, or at least to maintain the status quo or pecking order. If
it werne't for aggression, the United States may have turned out a Nazi or
Cummunist country; a Fortune 500 Company may have folded in it's infancy,
etc. The stronger has always picked on the weaker to take over their turf.
The sorry fact is that a lot of men just cannot "Live and let live" They
act on their animal instincts to conquer the (suppposed) weaker members
of the species, "only the strong survive". This doesn't make sense to me
as a rational person, but it's a fact of life I must live with. Since
moving to Boston I see more and more of the "Kill or be killed" mentality
at work in everything from finding a parking space to keeping certain
minorities out of neighborhoods.
One area where I see my cover blown as a gay person in the workplace
is competitive sports. Men are expected to enjoy competitive/contact sports.
From my Sociology classes I learned that sports act as a safety valve to
vent the pent up aggressions in men; It sure beats throwing nuclear missles
at each other. I, as well as most gay men I've met have never shown an inter-
est in sports. There are those gay men who are avid baseball, football and
hockey fans. They can hoot, holler and let off steam along with the most
macho straight dudes. In almost every job I've held I tended to eat lunch,
etc alone, mostly because I couldn't contribute to the discussion of the
pevious days games. A lot of non-gay men have labeled me as "Suspect" if
not worse because I don't follow sports. On more than one occasion I've
been approached and told, "it's just not normal for a man NOT to engage in
sports". My rebuttal usually gets me strange looks when I explain why I
missed the Super Bowl, "I would rather persue something constructive like
working on a hobby or my writing, visiting friends, listening to music, etc".
This is one area where I feel especially different from other men and can-
not relate to their enthusiasm over the upcoming Bruins game, so there's
not much we can chat about over coffee. In one job I was ostracized over
not being interested in pitching in to rent a bus for the group to attend
Red Sox games in Boston. I feel that it's fine if someone enjoys sitting
in the grandstands, but don't pass judgement on me if I choose not to. There
are many gay men who have excelled in competitive sports. The San Francisco
gay baseball team have repeatedly defeated the Police Department in tourn-
ament games. There are probably many gays in major league teams but the
fear of being labeled less than a man keeps them in the closet. After all
this is one area where machismo is worshipped more than in many others.
There were some postings to this network and articles in magazines
which offered theories that maybe there were three kinds of brain struct-
ures; male, female and homosexual. I believe in this based on my own life
and observations. Gay males seem to share both male and female traits,
moreso than non-gays who tend to downplay any sensitive personality traits.
The non-gay men I've met have usually acted in a more boistrous, macho
manner which sometimes is a sign of their aggressiveness. I sometimes drop
into a straight bar to observe the other 90% of society and the straight
guys tend to overact the MACHO routine just like a drag queen goes over-
board on the feminine side.
I'm not inferring that all heterosexual men are mindless gorillas. This
couldn't be further from the truth. There are many sensitive, live and let
live straights out there. The target of this article is the ultra macho
male who beleives that anything less than Sylvester Stallone is a wimp. It's
these guys who have the problem not the objects of their derision.
What makes a man? That's one of the $64,000 questions! Straight guys I've
known value toughness. My Dad was like that and it wasn't until he was almost
dead that I saw him as a kind, sensitive man. He knew his time was up and there
was no sense in keeping up his brute force image. One thing that Dad valued was
physical strenght. As I grew up Dad would continually challenge me to arm
wrestling matches. Needless to say with his 19" arms he always took me down.
The moral to the story was that He was a real man and I wasn't in his eyes; he
could jump farther, climb higher, run faster and lift more than I could. Tow-
ard the end he challenged me once more and I won. He broke down crying be-
cause he didn't feel like a real man any more. He patted me on the shoulder
and admitted defeat. I told him he was no less a man, if anything he was more
a man for fighting his cancer for the nine years that he did. He was also
more of a man for admitting he had a softhearted side. When Dad was young he
believed that violence solved everything. Some of his favorite terms were,
"Bomb'em back to the stoneage", "Put'em in the hospital", "Teach'em a lesson"
etc. Toward the last year he was here he became more philosophical, "why do
we have to always fight and argue? it's such a waste of time and energy","why
can't we all get along in peace?" From him, I learned what a real man was.
A real man isn't afraid to admit he's wrong, he will choose diplomacy to
aggression, he isn't afraid to cry when feeling hurt, he'll only resort to
violence as a last resort when life/loved ones are threatened. Over the
years I've grown to admire Jesus Christ, Ghandi, etc as real men; sensitive
yet sure of themselves.
On the flip side of the coin of aggression is "Passive Aggression". I
see this used by women as well as gay men. The passive form of aggression
expresses itself more as verbal and emotional warfare. A macho straight
male can be intimidated by his wife's use of passive aggression; the cas-
trating female! In a lot of macho straight men I see very fragile egos
which are protected by a hard shell of machismo; get through the hard
shell and they either collapse or become extremely violent. To threaten
a man's manhood is to court disaster. In the movie "A Naked Civil Servant"
Quentin Crisp whispers something into the ear of a tough who's come into
a gay bar fag bashing. I don't remember the exact words, but it was to the
effect that the guy was a closet case. The words got to him and he went
bonkers, storming out of the bar. Passive agression can be as devastating
as that from physical force; the only difference is that it leaves no
visible marks. My last lover and many other gay men I've seen are masters
at passive/female agression. He could manipulate me and others into a
position of powerlessness with his skillful use of heavy handed mind games.
He was weak physicly, so using emotions gave him the upper hand. Most of
the time I was left completely disarmed after he finished with me. Gay
males and women have a way of instilling fear with words (or lack of) and
body language.
There are a lot of gay men who can handle themselves in hand to hand
combat as well as with words. A lot of fag bashers are under the impression
that we're all easy marks and pushovers. These guys are unsure of their own
masculinity and get pumped up when they beat on someone weaker; it assures
that they are real men and can fight.
My first lover held a 7 th degree black belt in Karate as well as lesser
degrees in other martial arts. I know of quite a few gay men who are well
trained in self defense. It takes a fag basher by surprise when he gets the
tar knocked out of him by some little fairy. He may lay off or get ever more
zealous after getting a dose of his own medicine. After all his beliefs
about gays and himself have been challenged. I used to have a fag bashing
freind who did a total turnaround after being put in the hospital by an
effeminate guy who broke a few ribs and rearranged his face. We have to
stand up for ourselves, otherwise nothing will change. The only thing that
a lot of these guys understand is physical force; that's the only way that
they'll respect someone's worth.
Back to my first lover! We were walking along Newbury Street in Boston
one night when a car started tailing us. There were 6 guys in the car all
shouting out obscenities and catcalls. My ex finally got fed up and walked
over to the car, leaned over and softly said, "You have a problem buddy?"
The 6 got out of the car and faced off with him and he repeated, "What
seems to be the problem? You want trouble, you got it!" One came at him
and went flying over the hood; the others all got back in the car and locked
the doors. They drove off screaming "FAGGOT!" leaving their friend in the
road. The guy just looked up and pleaded that he didn't want any trouble,
his friends put him up to it. So! these guys aren't so brave since they
have to travel in packs. I'm sure a lot of you have walked down a street
and passed a group of guys who mumbled "faggot" or something similar under
their breaths as you passed. These guys are cowards! as are most other
MACHO fag bashers; they wait for you to turn your back until they spew
their garbage. What follows are a few hints in handling these turkeys.
* If you happen to pass a group of men who mumble something derogatory
try to ignore it. They want it to bother you. Act as if you never
heard anything but keep alert for the sounds of footsteps behind. Try
not to keep looking back, don't act scared. If they do take off after
you, there are a couple of courses of action. If they're all carrying
baseball bats, then run like hell, they probably mean to use them. I
had a bunch of toughs chase me. When they caught up to me all that
happened was a bunch of angry glances exchanged, then they walked away.
I turned and looked them in the eye as if to say, "try it mutha!"
Every situation will be slightly different since it's hard to read the
minds of the attackers or know if they're stoned on something. Most of
these passing verbal taunts are just that. Just remember that they're
the ignorant jerks and go your own way. It will bother them that they
can't get to you.
* Some will be more direct. A hand may reach out and someone may say,
"Hey fella, I wanna talk to you!" I'll pull away, leting the jerk know
that he'de better lay off. I may also say something like, "Hey look
man I have no beef with you, now lay off! Go take your problems to
someone else unless you wanna talk about it!" I try to reason with
the person without letting him know I may be afraid, but let him
subtlely know that if he wants trouble, I'll give it to him. A lot
of these guys are looking to beat on something, anything; gays to
them are an easy target. You can assert yourself without being
insulting. If you holler back, "Hey Mary! your mother wears a jock-
strap!" you can count on trouble; don't get them more worked up
then they already are.
* One problem that has come along with liberation and visibility is the
common knowledge of where our bars, neighborhoods and other hangouts are.
Some of these jerks will come to our turf to prey on the unsuspecting.
These guys rarely travel one at a time but by the carload and usually
take up their station later in the evening when they know gays will be
leaving bars. It's important to keep your wits about you when out bar-
hopping; a staggering drunk is an easy target to spot. Stay sober and
check out your surroundings. Even if you don't know the neighborhood,
act as if you live there, walk briskly but don't run, don't look as
if you're little boy lost. Muggers and fagbashers zero in on someone
who's shuffling around aimlessly late at night. If you're walking
home avoid dark deserted streets and unlit areas. If I drive, I try
parking as close to the bar as possible.
* If you're leaving a bar or any other gay meeting place and know that you're
being followed, don't panic! Don't break into a trot and then a gallop
unless you're positive that there will be an attack and you're outnumbered.
If you can get back to the bar or other place, then do so and have a cab
pick you up at the door. If you're too far away, then try staying among
other people and in well lit areas. If you see other gay men ask to walk
along with them. Let them know that you think someone may be following
you.
* If someone starts talking with you in a bar (yes, some fag bashers will
go to the bars) and seems very nervous, looking around, etc then politely
excuse yourself or ask other patrons if they know the person. I've used
this tactic a few times when asked to go home with the guy. I usually
found out they were bad news and was able to move on to safer people.
* Muggers who travel alone are usualy armed with a gun or knife. If it
comes to the point where your money is demanded, don't put up a struggle
but calmly hand it over. Pleading for your life doesn't win many brownie
points with these vermin and your wimpering may even anger them more.
Try to stay as cool as possible, then get the hell out of there as soon
as you're safe. A lot of police are apathetic as far as violence towards
gays goes but don't be afraid to report the incident. There are still some
dedicated policemen who want to see this scum cleaned off the streets.
* There are some fag bashers who travel alone and unarmed. They think that
they can just beat up any fag. If it comes to the point where you're
going to have to fight, then give it all you can. The adrenalin rush
controls the fight/flight response. You can turn on your attacker and
make him wish he'd picked on someone else. Unlike professional boxing
there are no set rules for street fighting. He sure as hell isn't going
to play by any rules; bite, kick, whatever you have to. Try getting a
few good kicks and punches into vulnerable areas. The abdomen (right
under the ribcage), the Adam's apple, kneecaps, the face and of course
the groin. If you can get it in, a swift kick in the balls will take
the fight out of an attacker. Another little trick is getting hold of his
fingers and snapping them back; maybe breaking a couple. I abhor violence
but will use it if that's the only alternative.
* Gays in groups should be able to do damage to an equal number of fag
bashers. A few years back I was in a gay bar and heard a commotion out-
side. The doorman wouldn't let anyone out to see what was going on. It
seems a van pulled up in front of the line waiting to get in. There were
around 45-50 gays waiting to get in and 5 hoods in the van. They all
jumped out with baseball bats and all 50 gay men scattered; a few got
seriously hurt. Why couldn't so large a number turn on their attackers
and subdue them, I still wonder. They did what the attackers knew they
would, run like scared rabbits. Half the time if a group of gay men
start storming their attackers, the hoods will run.
* I was at a gay beach a couple of years ago when a boat pulled up close
to shore. I could tell from the group of guys getting out of the boat
that they were bad news. They went up to a blanket with two guys and
started kicking them around. One guy on a blanket next to me jumpd up
and started yelling, "Hey let's get the fucking assholes". About 25 of
us started storming the boat. The attackers waited a minute and beat
feet fast. We all stood around shaking hands and hugging. We had stood
up to the bullies and they ran. It takes many more incidences like this
one to tell these morons that we're not going to put up with their crap
* Remember that fag bashers, like rapists, are irrational people. In a lot
of cases the outcome will be unpredictable. If you get into a situation
where you're trapped, try using diplomacy while observing your attacker;
is he going for his knife, does he seem more afraid than you are, does
he look high in something? Read him! Look for an escape route if needed!
Get the attention of others!
* Travel in numbers! Fag bashers tend to pick on solitary soles rather
than groups. If you don't have friends to go out with then just be care-
ful. If you're alone it's wise to avoid areas that are notorious for
trouble like Boston's Combat Zone.
* You might think about enrolling in a self defense course. Hopefully you'll
never have to utilize what you've learned but your self confidence can
get a pleasent boost from knowing you can handle yourself.
Bottom line on dealing with fag bashers and homophobes is that for the
most part, nobody gets hurt, just some semi-nasty words get exchanged and
the ordeal is over. In a lot of cases if you turn and say, "whad'ya say?"
they'll turn away and say "Nuthin!" A lot of times the shock of you chall-
enging them will make them back off. In general, as I said before they're
pretty backboneless creatures when alone.
I can remain calm while being aggressive which bothers some people. To
a lot, aggression = shouting, screaming, punching. Remaining calm can prove
more of a threat than acting out. One must be in control of their anger to
carry this off. Self assertiveness is aggression under control.
Ray