rob@ptsfb.UUCP (Rob Bernardo) (11/23/85)
The authors of the article "Cold War in the Gay World" presented two polar categories of gay men, based on how they were able to conform in youth and how they accepted "gayified" behavior in adulthood. Things don't seem that clear cut to me for several reasons: The first reason is that I wouldn't know whether to classify myself as a Q or R. On one hand, much of "gayified" behavior and style really turns me off. Just as the authors say of R's, my reaction OFTEN is "Why would someone want to appear that way?" On the other hand, I don't shun the gay ghetto and, like Q's, I suspect that a gay man who does so suffers from internalized homophobia. In my childhood, I was an unathletic sissy. I could not conform, but unlike the author's description of Q youths, I did not turn non-conformity into anti-conformity. Instead I deeply wished I could conform. The second reason is that I often meet "gayified" gay men who DID conform in their youth. They were athletic, they joined a fraternity, etc. And now as adults they conform within the gay ghetto. Because of their conformity to some "gayified" style, if I had to classify them as Q's or R's, I would chose Q's. They OFTEN aren't particularly effeminate, but rather "masculine" clone types, who are on one of the gay bar's softball teams in the gay softball league, who go out to gay discos on the weekend (at least prior to the epidemic), and in general, seem to keep their social life restricted pretty much to the gay ghetto. The third reason has to do with gay self-hatred. The authors say that R's put a premium on straight appearance because they were able to conform and reap the benefits of conformity during their youth. The authors explain the R's dislike of gayified behavior as inability to appreciate why Q's lean towards anti-conformity. The authors claim that the Q's view this dislike as gay self-hatred, and that the Q's are merely un-understanding of the R's premium on conformity. I strongly disagree. There is quite a bit of "R-like" behavior that IS motivated by homophobia, although it would be difficult to ascertain how much of this dislike of various "gayified" behavior comes from homophobia. But on the other hand, a lot of what the authors say rings true. I think that this is so because what they describe are not two types of gay PERSONS, but rather two DYNAMICS IN OUR PERSONALITIES. I see both the "R" dynamic and the "Q" dynamic at work in my own personality, in my own style, and in the personalities and styles of my gay male friends. Furthermore, most gay men I meet show quite a mixture of these two dynamics. As for the way I "categorize" (or not) myself, I do not think of myself as a gayified gay or as a "straight" gay, but as a Rob-Bernardo-gay (or as a just plain Rob-Bernardo). I often feel very critical of gay men who have moved to San Francisco and gotten too GHETTOIZED. They seem to have lost their individuality in conforming to the gay ghetto. But that's another posting to net.motss. So, what I think the authors missed is that conformity in youth can lead to conformity to the gay ghetto in adulthood, and that some dislike for gayified behavior is due to homophobia.