dm_johnson@xanadu.DEC (01/03/86)
>I found this entry within our 'Sexetera' notes file. I browse through >this one once in a while, to see what the het's have been up to. > >Anyway, the author of the entry is quoting from a book titled "Male Sexuality" >by Zilbergeld. The topic in discussion is about men suppressing their emotions. >It totally blew me away to find that most of the contributing men agreed >more-or-less with the following extract. I would *explode* if I was unable >to express myself emotionally to friends and intimate partners. Are we really >that different?!?! I've read that book plus 5 or 10 others plus working with a shrink. In the beginning I quite heavily denied the thesis about men suppressing their emotions. However, with the passing of a lot of time I changed my view. But having achieved some level of "enlightenment" I'm not totally sure that my situation is any better. Because the majority of relationships with men have not changed but now I am aware of the poverty of expression which occurs. Granted, I still have hangups to work on, but if I try to move beyond the sacred trilogy (sports, work, politics) the most frequent reaction I get is embarassment. And if I should get beyond the trilogy what comes out is mostly intellectualized rather than personal. I may have changed but the numbers of men available to interact with on that basis really has not changed. I grew up in a cornbelt, rural, wasp, homophobic environment. Men's roles and responsibilities were quite definite and unchangeable. Affectionate feelings towards a man are very threatening coming from that background. I would venture to say that most heterosexual men have the reaction affection = sexual = homosexual = ??? and rather than deal with it they suppress all such feelings.