early@tonto.DEC (the higher we climb, the better the view) (01/06/86)
Subj: USENET net.motss newsgroup articles Subject: Re: I want/need emotions >..description of emotional inhibition applies to gay >men as well, though maybe with lesser force for some. It can be seen in >a lot of behavior in public (bars, social events, meetings, etc.) and >private (please fill in here). More importantly, it goes deeper than >surface conduct and affects things that underlie personalities (basic >attitudes, drives, potentials): I think many of the manifold problems Speaking as a het, and having had some very close male friends over the years, I feel there is an "environmental heredity" against close male relationships. I can only count three (poor me) really close friends that were so close and emotionally involved that I questioned my own sexuality (because 'MEN' aren't supposed to feel that way). Today, I still have one really close friend, but distancing is setting in, as time goes by, and the daily contact is missing. I think this is one of the poverty areas of human relationships we've failed to grasp, thinking more in terms of power, prestige, and maybe performance. I had thought (probably not true) that gays had a corner on this commodity. Apparently,judging by what I've read here, that is false. bob early (Dec E-Net) TONTO::EARLY) (UUCP) decvax!decwrl!dec-rhea!tonto!early "I laugh lest I cry" -Anon-
on@hpda.UUCP (Owen Rowley) (01/09/86)
>In article <284@decwrl.DEC.COM> early@tonto.DEC (the higher we climb, the better the view) writes: >Speaking as a het, and having had some very close male friends over the >years, I feel there is an "environmental heredity" against close male ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^ >relationships. I can only count three (poor me) really close friends >that were so close and emotionally involved that I questioned my own >sexuality (because 'MEN' aren't supposed to feel that way). Today, I >still have one really close friend, but distancing is setting in, as time >goes by, and the daily contact is missing. I think this is one of the >poverty areas of human relationships we've failed to grasp, thinking more >in terms of power, prestige, and maybe performance. I had thought >(probably not true) that gays had a corner on this commodity. >Apparently,judging by what I've read here, that is false. > bob early I think that your term "environmental heredity" is grasping to be redfined as "learned behavior" ie: it is a tabu that is so deeply entrenched in our cultural context that each individual is affected by it whether they like it or not. Questioning your sexuality is a fairly easy thing to do really, and the answer is generally found between your legs (hint... Men have penises and women don't) Again I think that you mean you questioned your emotions regarding your friends and that the tabu prevailed (men aren't supposed to feel that way) One thing that I have come to realise is that this tabu is not globally held in all heavily patriarchal cultures, but is global in Societys that are dominated by Yahweh based religions. We are indeed poorer for the fact that the boys who own the most dangerous toys (weapons) are divorced from their human nature in that they are only allowed a fraction of the emotional territory that is possible. I suspect that the urge to take someone elses territory away from them is a surrogate for the close male contact that is forbidden to them as Men! Gay men certainly do not have immunity from the psychological torment that seperates potential comrades into individuals who have no options to competitive behavior. Sometimes I think that those Gay men who cannot hide their homosexuality are the bravest men I know . It is certain that they are better off emotionally but those who have not come to terms with their right to be who and what they are suffer greatly at the hands of society for it (being out). And this brings us back to the Tabu again, those who cannot bring themselves to break the Tabu (no matter what they feel inside) often make life miserable for those who have no choice BUT to break the Tabu. The Fag Basher who falls into this category, is attacking because he is threatened by the Tabu and the Queen is not. The Fag basher has to prove that he is a Man by attacking the Queen not because of anything the Queen does but because the attacker himself feels guilt and threatened. (Fag bashing can be anything from verbal abuse to murder) LUX .. on Owen Rowley hplabs!hpda!on