arndt@squirt.DEC (01/12/86)
OBoy! --Ger" my man, we as a nation 230 million strong seem to have
failed to get Columbia off the pad, but you single-handed have launched
Kim and SDyer into orbit!!! We will now have three stanzas of 'But that's
what he WANTS! Don't reply to him.' They'll start thinking I paid you!
Hate to read YOUR mail for the next few days.
By the way, Volume I wasn't too bad for a start. Could I submit to II??
Please. By the way, 'Top' refers, to me at least, to the Marine Corp. And
I misspelled 'preference' on purpose - must be the only one among the
thousands I've misspelled (having been mugged at an early age by Public
School) not meaning to. Although you got me about sentence structure.
Comes from reading too many Daniel Defoe novels during Social Studies.
But what really hurt was comparing me to Dukakis. What a low blow. Watch
me but not for any reason you should keep an eye on him. You make me feel
positively . . . . South African!
As for your friend not seeing the daggers. Did it ever occur to you that
there may not be any???? When I think of 'daggers' I think of my
Sykes-Fairbairn Commando Dagger. You can't peel oranges with it - it is
just made for slipin' between ribs (with a twist). Glad you think my stuff
is funny. But listen pal, there are folks out there who want to kick your
teeth in just by way of 'hello'. My cream pies, not to mention the fact that
I don't tolerate 'fag bashin'', hardly constitute 'daggers'. Perhaps you've
taken too many English Lit courses. Meanings within meanings. Don't give me
too much credit. Remember Chauncy Gardner. I'll bet you squint at your squat.
Some people manage to see through my 'dysfunction' and we do chat. Below I
have enclosed two responses of mine to the recent posting about what to tell
my son. I've removed the names and I hope they don't mind me posting them.
Hey --Ger", laugh it up.
Regards, (Keeeeeep chargn')
Ken Arndt
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Dear ------:
Thanks for asking me to shut up in so nice a manner. However much you
may not like my style there IS a point, seen by some (see below) and
leading to discussion off-line. Granted I'm not the average poster,
or non-homosexual I might add, but I do have something to say however
poorly said or understood. May I ask you to take the time to read the
exchange below. It is in response to a private posting to me on the
same public posting of mine that caused you to write me.
Regards,
Ken Arndt
###############################
Hi -----:
Thanks for writing. You asked so many and such good questions that I
filed your posting and edited it to reply in detail. I'm sitting here at
the kitchen table with a bottle of French Colombard (screw top of course!)
and going over my mail. Actually dispite my rep (or because of it) I have
a conversation going with about 2 - 4 motss members at any one time. It's
not all name calling, but I reel 'em in with my remarks and we get down to
some pretty interesting stuff. To get to know me is to love me. I'm even
going to have a chance to meet some of the gang shortly. Anyway, here goes.
*************************
You said:
Your story paints an interesting picture. How much of it is true?
What specifically did you say to your son?
How specifically did you feel?
--Well, if you read the last line you found out my son is only
two years old. That sort of put it in perspective and tipped you off that,
in my own style, I was asking a question. It IS true that he made the
statement, not meaning anything to do with motss of course. My mind started
working and my fingers on the keyboard took it from there. I didn't actually
say anything to him. His statement was reported to me. The interesting
question you ask is of course if he HAD actually made the statement and meant
what you thought he meant how would I have felt. Well, knowing what you do of
my opinions and beliefs you will understand I would not take it as if he were
saying 'I like strawberry rather than orange ice cream'. My feeling would be
that he would be throwing away (given he was ok in the hormone development
dept.) a great fulfilling part of his life for a sham - wanting to be what he
was not. Of course being my son it would occur to me he was putting me on. But
if he persisted I wouldn't freak but attempt to talk it out on a serious level
between the two of us. I have seen a lot of things in my lifetime and very
few things are left to shock me, I believe. And my son and I (as well as my
daugters) are very close. If you've tracked my 'saga' on the other nets,
net.kids in particular, you would know that we have a family bed. We tell
each other that we love each other about ten times a day. (2 - 3 actual) And
I found interesting the posting to motss the other day about touching and
expression of feelings. The kids and I touch a lot - my son as well of course.
I have some male friends who touch and some who don't. Just today I was
on the ski slope with a guy I work with who has problems with his job and
while the kids were skiing we talked and I tried to pick up his spirits. When
we finished talking and parted he put his arm around me and told me he loved
me. The point I'm trying to put across here is that my response to any such
statement by either my son or my daughters would be tempered by our relation-
ships. I don't believe that such a statement would come from a moment's
reflection upon their part (unless they're trying to get a rise out of me)
and since we are close (I have yet to go through teen ages with them of
course) I think, or like to think there would have been some advance warning
dealing with the feelings before they were expressed in such a forthright
statement.
You said:
Why are you asking net.motss for other choices about how to behave towards
your son?
--Well, that was the question of the posting. I'd really like
to know how other people have thought about and perhaps dealt with this kind
of situation having to do with sex and their children or parents. I hear a
lot of bitter feeling from motss people about how they are not understood,
and how bigoted it is of anyone not to accept them for what they feel they
are. I wondered about some real life experiences they may have had that
led them to this frame of mind. Not just some red neck saying 'fag', but
people who cared about them and about whom they cared who did not share
their point of view on sexuality. One can daydream about what should be
done on either side but what actually HAS been done.
You said:
Did you really kill the cat? If your son gets the feelings he wants
to be a girl, and if he gets really frustrated about an unsatisfying
response from you, are you prepared to play the part of the cat next
time?
--Ahhhhhh ------, we don't really have a cat. And I would
not tolerate killing a little animal. Or a big one for that matter. I used
to kill but found that it diminished me. So now I restrict my shooting to
targets. There are times to kill, as the Psalmist says but I like what I
read in WITNESS by W. Chanbers, 'never kill a man without a deep sense of
regret'. Just so with a kitten. But even if my son turned against what I
beleive is right I could not, perhaps BECAUSE I love him, say it's ok. I could
understand, tolerate, even ignore some things. After all, there will come a
time when he, as I did, will have to stand alone and be responsible for his
own moral decisions. But something like this I could never accept as just
his 'preference'. He'd still be my son of course. I'd never throw him out
or stop loving him. But I'd never condone his choice if I felt it was wrong.
I'll leave the 'doorway scene' ( out into the snow) for the movies and the
jerks with moral values but no love.
You said:
What do you want him to be? How are you going to make sure he becomes
exactly what you want him to become? Did you become exactly what your
father wanted you to become?
--I'm not at all sure what I want him to be. Something
like 'reaching his full potential'. I wish for him what I wish for myself -
to put out my hand and touch the face of God! (You see, any fool can drop
his zipper - I have just flashed my soul! The only sensible things I have
ever read about life are in the Christian scriptures.) As for my father,
there's a story. To me one of the finest men ever to walk this earth. I
deeply regret, though I would not call him back to his suffering on this
earth, he has never seen my son. What a trio we would make. But I have
reason to believe we will all meet one day.
MY dysfunction appears to be that I can hardly express myself without
hyperbole and affectation. I don't take myself too seriously and am a
bit surprised when others do. But then so many readers are so serious, eh?
Thanks again for writing. Hope I have answered some of your questions.
Regards,
Ken Arndt