levasseur@morgan.DEC (Ray EMD & S Admin 223-5027) (10/10/85)
Careers, Criticism and Freedom of Expression
Jason
*****
When I was young the only thing I knew about gay men was that they were
supposed to all be effeminate. The only jobs that I knew of them occupying
were hairdressers, interior decorators, artists, florists, etc. I can recall
my parents being quite upset, when at 12 years old I announced that I wanted
to be a florist. "No no son, you don't really want to be a florist now, do
you? Only fairies want to be florists." As a prepubescent kid I loved to
decorate things and paint. I also loved to cook. These interests didn't win
me many points with the other boys who were content playing football and
other sports. I also had a quite massive record collection. During the time
and in the city I grew up in, it was understood that only girls collected
records. The boys used to beat me up, but guess who was asked to disk jockey
at sock hops.....you guessed it, the fairy. Well anyway, from the age of 9
I developed an interest in electronics and got my ham license at 11. This
was marginally acceptable with the other boys but I was still considered a
nerd and only fit in with the science club gang.
Teachers were always calling my parents suggesting that I be pulled from
public school and placed in a school for sensitive gifted children. Since
my folks were not particularly wealthy, I stayed in public school and got
beaten up a lot. I really should have been placed in the Provincetown, San
Francisco or Fire Island school systems. The one thing that the above ment-
ioned stereotypical careers and my interests held in common were that they
were all creative. You must understand that I was a product of the 50's and
sensitivity was reserved for girls, boys were supposed to be tough. Most of
the boys hated science and art classes with a passion and sat dreaming of
gym. I on the other hand was terrifid of gym class. This was where both the
other boys and the coach could ridicule me to death since I couldn't do a
decent pushup or catch a ball. In my junior year of high school the coach
called me into his office and promised me, "I look forward to flunking you
next year, ya little twerp". You had to pass gym to graduate so I was really
scared. I started weight lifting and by the time finals came in my senior
year I had big pecs and arms. The coach was really pissed off when I earned
my A in physical education.
Most of the kids wanted to attend college; the boys mostly to major in
Business or Electrical Engineering. I opted for the Navy after a two year
junior college education in Industrial Electronics. Boy I'll tell ya, the
Navy butched my act up!
Well, enough about the past! What I've noticed a lot since coming out is
the enormous numbers of gay men in Electronics and the Computer Sciences. It
seems that 75-80% of the gay men I meet are programmers, analysts, engineers
or at least operators. This could be due to a few reasons; the proliferation
of high tech openings in the last couple of decades, gay men getting in touch
with their masculinity or the fact that these careers offer opportunities to
be creative. At one gay social group meeting the topic of gays in high tech
came up. Someone made a comment, "The rallying cry of parents in the 50's and
60's was please son, don't become a hairdresser. Will the rallying cry of the
80's and 90's be please son don't become a software engineer or programmer."
Everyone got a chuckle out of the guy's comment since the majority of men
present were all computer types. An old friend was a systems analyst and I
asked, "Peter, why do you suppose so many gays get into the computer field"?
His answer (half joking) was, "Well m'dear, that's obvious, only a computer
can give ultimate attitude. Don't play by it's rules and it won't talk to you."
I personally just get satisfaction out of getting a program or procedure to
run. For me, it's a lot like painting, cooking, etc.....very creative.
Another reason that gays may fit in technical positions is that in many
companies, personal differences are tolerated more then in a stuffy business
environment. The guys who have been most tolerant of my being gay have been
technicians and engineers who are sometimes pretty of the wall themselves.
They're too busy getting their pet projects completed to have time to dis-
criminate against anyone. Of course there are homophobic technical types
but I see them less than in accounting, finance, production or other more
business minded disciplines. I currently work in an accounting/finance area
and the tolerance is markedly less then when I worked as a tech. Of course
there are also some pretty live and let live business types around and I've
been fortunate to have a few as managers. I think of business and it brings
to mind the Alka Seltzer commercial where all the executives are seated ar-
ound the boardroom table and the chairman is exclaiming, "Finance, cut back
another 15%, sales get another 25%, etc", with all the execs dropping Alka
Seltzer in their glasses as he speaks. Most gay men I've met do not like
working in an environment like this, who needs the hassles! in college I
learned that the most agressive, macho men would succeed in business. A lot
of these were the types who beat me up in school. I won't put these guys
down because there are folks who honestly enjoy continually having their
adrenalin levels pumped up meeting ridiculous deadlines; someone's gotta
do it!
Most gay men I've met would rather have a job that was more like play
than work. This may fit in with the playful qualities I've seen in a lot
of gay men. Unless they're of the mean go get'em variety, most will avoid
the "Bumstead! I want that report in 5 minutes or you're fired!" type of
position. I met a waiter in a San Francisco restaurant who chatted with me
after his shift ended. He was previously a big advertising executive in
New York. I asked why he gave it all up and his reply was simply that he
got very tired of all the bullshit. "why should I kill myself over a job
that I hate", he added.
This brings up another point about gays in the workplace. Most of us
don't have a wife and kids to feed, so we can call it quits a lot easier
if the job seems like it's going to be more of a pain than it's worth. The
married man on the other hand may have to wait longer to make a career
change since the money's gotta keep rolling in or else. A few years ago
Psychology Today ran an article about youthfulness. It's findings were
that prisoners and gay men seemed to stay younger, longer. The reason for
the prisoners was that they were isolated from the pressures of society.
The reason for gays was given (in theory) as choosing jobs that were fun
and not having the added worries of families. My job itself isn't very
much fun but my boss gives me software hacking projects that make it a lot
more interesting; the electronics tinkering, dance tape mixing and writing
help satisfy my creative urges while I plan a long range career change.
Appearances and the judgements they attract are another area. How many
of you have been in a gay disco and seen a guy wearing a rainbow colored
Mohawk haircut or similar trappings and thought, I wonder what he does for
a living. In my field, shirt and tie are de rigeur. Now I'm not very fond of
neckties but there is an unwritten law which states I should wear both to
the office. I would much more like dressing casual and keep the latter for
playing dressup. I prefer jeans and LaCoste shirt or Tee's to ties. Straight
friends continually get on my case to dres my age. My answer is, "how should
a 38 year old dress, hmmmmm? Where is it written that I must give up my faded
jeans when I become an adult?" This line usually leaves them stumped. Another
little accessory I've added to my appearance is a 3" long punktail; the rest
of my hair is quite short. This does not gain me very many atta boys at the
office but is a part of my self expression. It's very hard to explain to a
straight, conservative manager that the boys at the bar think it looks hot
on me. I met a guy recently who's a sales executive and has a foot long dyed
punktail. I asked him how he gets away with it and the reply was that he
works for an art supply company and most of his clients are either gay or
very bohemian. On my part, family and straight friends are always telling me
to "Grow Up!"......but I am quite mature and responsible. Minor things like
punktails, faded 501's, Zapata moustaches, and Tee shirts with witty sayings
get me blasted from mom and the straight friends who have lost their play-
fulness in exchange for 3 piece suits and the Wall Street Journal.
I see much less of the non-gay friends I used to hang out with. Matter of
fact I get along with their kids better than with them. As one friend said to
me, "MTV is for teenagers, I cannot see why you watch it". He and his wife are
into elevator music. When I visit, I watch MTV with their 16 year old. The only
rock music that they find acceptable comes from the 50's and early 60's. I
brought a dance tape over and they thought it was all noise. Maybe a lot of gay
folks stay young because they can change with the times more easily than more
conservative married people....I dunno, it's a thought! To a couple of the
non gay married friends that I've had, I'm known as somewhat eccentric. They
have swallowed everything that society preaches about acceptable dress, man-
ners, tastes, etc. A couple of straight folks I've known have used the par-
able of the grasshopper and the ant to describe me, carefree and frivelous.
Actually I'm not that way at all. I, as well as other gays have different
worries and concerns than our married peers. They may worry about Junior's
braces, getting him into the right college, etc. My worries are more concerned
with; will I get fired sometime in the future for being gay, will I get beaten
up as I leave a bar, will I loose my apartment, will I contract AIDS, ETC. All
are just as valid as my counterpart's. The difference is that I just have me
to worry about; no family, no ties. When straight folks start acting envious of
my so called worry free lifestyle, I offer to switch places with them for 30
days. The answer is usually, "Uh! no thanks, I'll pass".
The area that bothers me most is when non gay friend suggest I settle down
with a good woman. one friend's wife has made comments on many occasions that
the life I lead is very selfish since I don't have the responsibility or ex-
penses of a wife and family. Is this my fault? Did I consciously make a dec-
ision to rebel against what society expects? No! I hear them claim that I have
all this money to play with but they're the ones who can afford to take expen-
sive vacations. They often forget that my rent runs 2-3 times what their mort-
gage and taxes do since they bought their house in the early 70's. In some ways
this is the same kind of guilt trip my mother tries laying on me, "Why can't
you be normal?" I've spent quite a long time trying to decipher what "Normal"
really is! I guess for me being normal is being myself, having consideration
for others, paying my bills, trying to learn all I can can about the world and
attempting to enjoy it all along the way. One thing I've noticed is that the
people around me seem to place me under closer scrutiny then others; especially
if they know I'm gay but don't really know me as a person. I'm not sure if they
are waiting for me to go bonkers and start kissing every man I see on the
street, wear evening gowns, molesting young boys, etc. This can be written off
to fear of the unknown. As well as I've known a few non gay men, they still act
cautious, maybe fearing I'll make a pass at them. This couldn't be further from
the truth, but try convincing them. A lot that I've met are certain that my
life is one continuous orgy. Many heterosexuals place too much emphasis on the
SEX in homo-SEX-ual. This is as much a myth as thinking that all Black men have
12" long penises. One reason that gay men may seem more promiscuous has to do
with society's enormous pressures against homosexual relationships. There is
a lot of subconscious fear of getting involved and the repercussions it may
draw. This is not true 100% of the time but it does affect the ability of a
gay man to settle down coupled with their own buried homophobia.
So what does this all mean? For me personally it means getting into a
career that allows me creative expression, living somewhere that I feel com-
fortable in, seeking out people who aren't judgemental, etc. The way it looks
now I have a lot of hard work ahead of me. The only thing stopping me from
full self expression is my own inner fears.
Ray (aka) Jasonlevasseur@euclid.DEC (Ray EMD & S Admin 223-5027) (02/17/86)
Well, let me begin by saying that I was deluged with responses to my posting on "petty/catty/etc" behavior. I was not really looking for a bunch of answers, nor was I seeking free psychiatric help; my health insurance does not cover computer network head shrinking :-) The responses were from an equal number of hetero as well as homosexual men and women. A non gay female reader put it best: >among the best postings in this newsgroup. I hope that you don't mind but I >have shown many of your articles to coworkers, my husband and many of our >gay friends here in Rochester. I believe that you have many more friends than >you will admit to yourself. If it were not for the distance separating us, >I would say your welcome here any time for dinner or just to socialize with >our friends who would also like to meet you. Your last posting disturbed me >somewhat. What you are creating is a self fulfilling prophecy of alienation >by dropping out as you so put it. If it's any conselation life is no differ- >ent for heterosexuals than it is for you. It might help if you consider the >behavior you've highlighted as a basic flaw in human nature, not the gay comm >unity but all of mankind. You are right "it ain't pretty" but you are doing >yourself a grave disservice by foresaking what you seem to have worked so >hard to attain. By rejecting the gay community you have rejected yourself >and I don't think that is what you really want to do, is it? I for one will >miss your quick wit and insight into human behavior as many others will. We >are all good at giving advice but not taking it. Jason/Ray take some of the >same advice you've so generously shared with us. You'll be all the better >for doing so. This letter left me kinda speecheless! I was a little nearsighted, wallow- ing in bitterness. I have also polarized a (until recently) friend by a statement I made about his social circles. When I stop to think about it, I really haven't been treated any differently by straights then gays; they can be just as tacky and tasteless. Through a third party who works with my closest straight male friend I've learned that he's said some mighty nasty things behind my back but smiles to my face. My roomate and I went to a "get aquainted" party at the apartment complex we just moved into. We *both* were treated just as cat- ty as the worst gay bar situation I've been in. I've been covertly railroaded out of jobs by peers and superiors who were not gay and who acted pleasant to my face. So I guess that life *is* no different and if I drop out I'm cutting off my nose to spite my face. Since I expect to be ignored and shit on by straights I can ignore their behavior and rationalize it as semi-acceptance/ tolerance. I guess that I've just overreacted to the same behavior from within the gay community. As my roomate put it, "ignore it Ray! it's their problem not yours." Maybe I've been too sensitive and should loosen up. One thing that leaving Boston's gay ghetto has done for me is make me think about how everyone else as well as I interact with others. The straight guy who passes me in the hall and mutters "faggot" is no better than the bar queen who mutters "stay away from him, he's bad news" as I walk by. Immersing myself in ghetto culture made me see only gay ghetto behavior; ignoring the other 90% of society. Now that I'm in "yuppified" suburbia, I'm learning, there's no differ- ence. People is people and there's gonna be those who will act nasty so as to jocky themselves into a position of power.....no I'm not dropping out, just thinking *too* much. It's time to re-establish contact with those social groups I've foresaken, too bad if not *everyone* likes me....nuff said! * and now for something completely different! * About a couple of comments recently; advertising and looking straight. I'm an avid videophile and subscribe to a couple of trade rags, Video and Video Review to be precise. If you look in the advertising section there are a larger and larger number of ads for XXX videos. These mags have nothing to do with sex and some readers have written letters to the editors complaining about the smut ads. Sexually oriented advertising seems to be more invisible in mainstream publications than in gay ones. I regularly read the Advocate and am a little put off by the amount of space taken up by what was "the pink pages". Before one could yank out the pink section and leave the Advocate out on the coffee table. Now I don't since I don't want mom seeing ads for phone sex and Rick (Humongous) Donovan videos. What can I say "SEX SELLS" Go to an auto show, voluptuous models microphone in hand, extolling the virtues of the manufacturers they represent. I saw an ad a while back in an audio mag that showed a pretty girl in a tight tee shirt sporting huge buzzooms. The caption read something like "XXXX has what it takes up front" to promote the signal pulling power of a car stereo's tuner. Oh well nuff said on SEX in advertising, it's there and always will be for better or worse. "Straight acting and appearing" When I see this in a personal ad I envision a guy who speaks in a Midwestern monotone, wears a suit and discusses stock prices in the Wall Street Journal. What is gay or straight looking? Beats me, especially today. I see more and more kids/young adults wearing tight 501's, bomber jackets, clone haircuts and moustaches, cockring bracelets, earrings, etc. It's hard to tell the townies from the boys without a program. My roomate and I went shopping at the Mall of New Hampshire last Saturday. For those of you who will never get to shop there, it's a big suburban mall that tends to be very cruisy. We passed a group of guys who I'de swear were right out of the Castro area and they muttered "cahksukkahs!" as we walked by. Of course we also passed many kindred spirits. My roomate writes off the gay appearance of non gay males to a heightened awareness of appearance. The straight boys are much more clothing/body conscious then they were before. They're just picking up on the "hot" look that gays have capitalized on all along. I met a guy through a personal ad who was the epitamy of "straight acting and appearing". He never used the dreaded "G" word, never mentioned anything having to do with gay culture, did not cruise; at least as far as I could see spoke like a townie and dressed down, very conservative. He talked sports a lot and had Sports Illustrated out on the coffee table. I've also met guys who were straightr but had me fooled; they swished, talked with a lisp and acted as faggoty as the worst stereotype, but were as straight as one could be as far as sexual preference goes. What's gay and what's not? Long John Baldry, a Brit- ish folk/blues singer probably put it best in "A Thrill's a Thrill" Ya see the gays are straight And the straight's are queer And the bi's just call everybody dear. Oh well, just me talkin again. Ray Nausea, New Hampster: Where the men are men and the sheep have vacated due to rising rents and condo conversions.