dinitto@beorn.DEC (03/05/86)
re: jim diliddo's posting describing his aversion to flamboyant
effeminate gay men
i agree with your opinion of "boys in the band". i saw the movie for the
first time about 3 years ago and was shocked at the negative portrayal
of gay men. the film clearly is an attempt to portray gays as very
emotionally unbalanced and unhappy individuals. it was a gross generalization
and a very bad source of role models for young gays. i'm glad that i
didn't see this film while i was an adolescent.
your discomfort at being associated with effeminate men, however, is another
matter. the fact that you feel uncomfortable around them indicates a high
degree of insecurity on your part as to your own sexual/social identity.
are you so closeted that you fear being seen in public with an effeminate man
because he may implicate you as being gay, by association? perhaps, on the
other hand, you are afraid that people may assume there is a sexual
relationship between the two of you. is that really a problem?
one of the most wonderful things about being gay is that it gives a person
a greater appreciation of the irony inherent in social intercourse. i am
very amused when someone makes an obvious assumption which turns out to be
false. that's why i find myself socially attracted to people who do not
"fit the steriotypical mold". onlookers make all kinds of assumptions about
them, and it's so much fun to see the expression on the spectators' faces
when the truth is revealed!
surprise is one of the best remedies for boredom. you should enjoy it more,
and worry less about what society thinks of you. otherwise your peers may
start to refer to you as: "that *silly* young you-know-what!".
i do not consider effeminate acting men a negative role model. i do not
beleive that their presence in a bar or on the street is a bad influence
on young gays. there are plenty of butch numbers around the bars and the
streets that can serve as alternative role models. these gay men are just
dripping with masculinity.
the important fact which should be made clear to young gay men and women is
this: there is a choice of personality traits which they can assume, and
as individuals, the choice belongs to them.
- bob dinittorrizzo@bbncca.ARPA (Ron Rizzo) (03/06/86)
For my 2 cents worth, let me repeat a good piece of advice someone gave to me years ago, when I was piqued by nonconformity (which seems to be the underlying issue here): in deciding whether to do something, he said, "What does it matter what others think? If you had to consult other people for their approval before acting, you wouldn't have done any of the interesting or worth- while things you've done in your life, would you?" Posed this way, I realized the answer was clearly yes, at least for me. Of course there are some things where the approval, or at least the reaction, of others is crucial. But they're easily recognized and limited. Approval matters for your job, not because of "pro- fessionalism" or any other popular fiction, but because that's where your income ($$) comes from. Reaction matters, eg, in situations involving violent homophobes. But that's about it. The rest of your life can be pretty free-form, if you can tolerate occasional flac. Regards, Ron Rizzo