moriarty@fluke.UUCP (The Napoleon of Crime) (06/21/85)
Well, as mentioned in several other newsgroups, ~30 people have written me
over the last few months asking me to post the complete collection of
sign-off lines I spike my articles with. Hope you enjoy them, as I don't
plan to post it again for two years or so.
Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer
John Fluke Mfg. Co., Inc.
UUCP:
{cornell,decvax,ihnp4,sdcsvax,tektronix,utcsri}!uw-beaver \
{allegra,gatech!sb1,hplabs!lbl-csam,decwrl!sun,ssc-vax} -- !fluke!moriarty
ARPA:
fluke!moriarty@uw-beaver.ARPA
==============================================================================
"By the way, I payed for the whole trip on Mr. Underhill's American
Express card. Want the number?"
----
"You are still dead, then?"
"Oh yeah, hey, totally."
----
"For I perceive that behind this seemingly
unrelated sequence of events, there lurks
a singular, sinister attitude of mind."
"Whose?"
"MINE! HA-HA!"
----
"When in doubt, tell the truth."
Mark Twain
"When in doubt, book 'em."
Steve McGarret, Five-O
----
Ronald Reagan: America's favorite placebo
----
Save the whales.
Collect the whole set.
----
Support Mental Health. Or I'll kill you.
----
"Do you think what we're doing is wrong?"
"Of course it's wrong! It's illegal!"
"I've never done anything illegal before."
"I thought you said you were an accountant"
----
"The pyramid is opening!"
"Which one?"
"The one with the ever-widening hole in it!"
----
"This Land is made of Mountains,
This Land is made of Mud,
This Land has lots of Everything,
For me and Elmer Fudd..."
----
"OHHLYMPIAA! Olympia!"
"Osiris!"
"My friend!"
"What has happened to your nose?"
----
"We're all Bozos on this bus."
----
"The Angels...! The angels were speaking to
me! And do you know what they said?"
"No... vhat?"
"We are the men from Texico,
We work from Maine to Mexico,
We're close to you no matter who you are..."
----
"You can't go in there!"
"Yes I can. This is America. I can go anywhere I want to."
----
"And that was the end of Grogan, the man who killed my father,
raped and murdered my sister, burned my ranch, shot my dog, and
stole my Bible!"
----
"I could not rest, Watson, I could not sit quiet in my chair, knowing
a man such as Moriarty walked the streets of London unchallenged."
----
"You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll kiss $3 goodbye!"
----
"You can thank the Rock 'n Roll detector for leading you to your doom!"
"Thanks!"
----
"There they are! Dirty Towel-Heads! HEEEEEEY-OOOOH!"
"What are you doing? We're on your side! We're with the U.N.!"
"You-Win, huh? I'll show you what we think of you One-Worlders! Eat
Lead, Bedouin Thugs!"
----
"I'm going to have you wrapped in a U.S. flag and burned personally by the
President, in high octane American gasoline!"
----
"OW! Rubber spider venom! That's not fair!"
----
"Calling J-Man Kink. Calling J-Man Kink. Hash missle sighted, target
Los Angeles. Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept."
----
"My sense of purpose is gone! I have no idea who I AM!"
"Oh, my God... You've.. You've turned him into a DEMOCRAT!"
----
"You are WRONG, you ol' brass-breasted fascist poop!"
----
"Scotty, I need Warp Drive in three minutes or we're all dead!"
----
"I don't DESERVE this!! I haven't even KILLED anyone in this issue!"
----
"Strong men blench! Women scream! Children vomit!"
----
"Honey, this is GREAT coffee."
----
"Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *can*
you believe?!"
-Bullwinkle J. Moose
----
"Nobody here but us folk heroes."
----
"Hey, man, I'm an electrician!"
"MAKE MY DAY! MAKE MY DAY!"
----
"'OLIVE LOAF VIGILANTE' PUMMELS STREET MIMES...
Hundreds call police praising mystery man."
----
"Awww..."
"Don't let that 'sweet' act fool ya, Harry! They're DANGEROUS ASSASSINS!"
----
"Now, for the LAST TIME, old man, WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?"
"And as I told you *already*, sir, I'm SELF-EMPLOYED and PROUD OF IT!"
----
"It's a job for YOU, Dangermouse..."
"Oh, *good* old DM!"
"...AND Penfold."
"Oh, ick."
----
"I want to buy a husband who, every week when I sit down to watch "St.
Elsewhere", won't scream, "FORGET IT, BLANCHE... IT'S TIME FOR 'HEE
HAW'!!" "
----
"This cognac is older than God."
----
"Well, Penfold, it looks like we'll have to save the world again."
"Ooh, Ick..."
----
"It just doesn't make any sense, Penfold!"
"But our adventures NEVER make any sense, DM!"
----
"My God! Are we sure he was a liberal?"
"Pretty sure. They pulled him from a Volvo."
----
"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberrys!"
----
"I'm not SURE that that makes sense, DM."
"Well, it is a CARTOON, sir..."
----
"NOW how much would you pay? But wait, there's less! Order now, and we'll
include the amazing $17,000 coffee pot! It boils, it boils... it even
boils!"
----
"...Who'z dat guy?"
"That's Berhard Goetz."
"Bern-hard Getzz? De jazz musician?"
----
"If you tell the truth, you must smile. Otherwise, people will kill you."
----
"He even looks like God... except his hands are in his pockets."
"They should be, he's got four dead Presidents in 'em."
----
"You'd do it for Randolph Scott."
(chorus) "*gasp* RANDOLPH SCOTT!"
----
"Some tottyhead is mixing genres!"
----
"Texxon... Do what we say, and nobody gets hurt."
----
"I must say, you look *maahvelus*."
----
"My friends, it is better to look good than to feel good."
----
"Take that, you hostile sons-of-bitches!"
----
Blessed Me,
----
Any opposing views may simply go to hell.
----
"There *are* standards. If you can't see one, you *make* one and
stick to it come Hell or high water -- until you see a BETTER one."
-John Gaunt
----
"Deep space is my dwelling place, the stars my destination"
----
"They dared to call me mad! ME! HA! HA! HA!...."
----
"The voters have spoken, the bastards..."
----
"Dammit, man, that's unprofessional! A good bartender laughs anyway!"
----
"But I guess I'm just stating the very obvious (shutup! shutup!...)"
----
"Oh, intercourse the penguin!"
----
"Lithium is no longer available on credit"
----
"History is made at night. Character is what you are in the dark."
----
"It's not MY GODDAMN PLANET, Monkey Boy!"
----
"There's more hoods than we thought!"
"Then shoot MORE BULLETS!"
----
"Hi. This is God."
"Uh-Oh..."
----
"...for DEATH awaits you all, with nasty sharp pointy teeth!"
----
"She's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead."
----
"He is the Napoleon of Crime, Watson..."
----
"DANGER is my BUSINESS"
----
"Nun-beating? Good Lord, man, I can't condone THAT!"
----
"A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!"
----
"Pfui. More people saying what they believe would be a
great improvement. Because I do I am unfit for common
intercourse" -- Nero Wolfe, "Blood Will Tell"
----
"Negative, sucker. You need a smoking pistol and you know it."
"Right you are. Where are those handguns when we really need them?"
----
"Are they being mistreated?"
"Only by a few fanatics. Mostly local anchormen."
----
"But I'd rather eat Johnson!"
----
BULLWINKLE: "You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit."
GENERAL: "What does that make YOU?"
BULLWINKLE: "What else? An executive..."
----
"That's the biz, sweetheart"
----
"...in an iron coffin, with spikes on the inside!"
----
"I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk" -- John Huston
----
Be there. Aloha.
----
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro...
----
Be firm, fly low and stay cool....
----
"Pfui."
----
"...it's people like you what cause unrest."
----
"Never argue with a fool; others may not be able to tell the difference."
----
"Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of Science?"
----
"Cheese it, cheddar-breath, you can't fight America's Action Hero, see?"
----
"The elder gods went to Suggoth and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."
----
"What kind of ANIMAL would DO a thing like this?"
"Whoop Whoop Whoop..."
----
"Do what you want with the girl, but leave me alone!!"
----
"Just remember, he knows more than you do!"
"I have a Master's Degree!"
"In SCIENCE!"
----
"The maniac will please refrain from waxing nostalgic."
----
"Say yur prayers, yuh flea-picken' varmint!"
----
"Look, if anyone else pinches my phrase, I'll throw them under a camel!"
----
"Master of the emotional belly flop."
----
"Yes Ma'am. So will Jesus, but I ain't waitin' up nights."
----
"WATCH OUT, Comrade! He's bearing ARMS, as is his constitutional right!"
"Eat TEFLON, Ivan!"
"Retreat! Back to Moscow!"
----
"Hey, George. Our Soviet Masters on line 3."
----
Guns don't kill people. I don't kill people. Moran, HE kills people.
----
"Hurry! They're freaking out on stale Heineken!!"
"I'M A FROG! I'M A FROG!"
----
"There... I've run rings 'round you logically"
----
"Avast, ye scurvey corporate dogs! Prepare to be boarded!"
----
"Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear...."
----
"Say no more, Say no more!"
----
"The more you drive, the less intelligent you are."
----
"....and his hideous clockwork dog, Toto...."
----
"There's something you don't see every day."
----
"This looks like a job for BICYCLE REPAIRMAN!"
----
"Laugh while you can, Monkey Boy!"
----
"Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown!"
----
"It looks just like a photon pod... but in verrry bad taste."
----
"Badges? We don't need no steenken badges!"
----
When in this world the headlines read
of those whose hearts are filled with greed
who rob and steal from those who need
the cry goes up with blinding speed for Underdog (UNDERDOG!)
Underdog (UNDERDOG!)
Speed of lightning, roar of thunder
Fighting all who rob or plunder
Underdog (ah-ah-ah-ah)
Underdog
UNDERDOG!
----
When Polly's in trouble I am not slow,
it's hip hip hip and away I go!
----
"His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier."
----
"How is this possible?"
"We keep him upstairs in a big plastic bubble."
----
"Of COURSE, dummy! They invade each other to stay in shape!"
"That's what makes them so tough..."
----
"The Fourth Dimension is a shambles?"
"Nobody ever empties the ashtrays. People are SO inconsiderate."
----
"Go to it, sir! Good luck!"
"Gosh, he's unflappable."
"Bill, this is a nickle, and this is an orange..."
----
"BLAM! BLAM! POW! POW!"
"What's going on, Dad?"
"I'm defending our home from foreign invaders, son."
----
"I support the right to arm bears."
----
"Mongo just pawn in game of life..."
----
"...AND his God Damned CAT!!!"
----
"Wink-Wink, Nudge-Nudge, Know-what-I-mean, Know-what-I-mean?"
----
If dementia has a name, it must be...
----
"The bigger they are, the nicer they are..."
----
"No. 1.... The LARCH tree."
----
DIM! (DIM of the YARD!)
----
"What do you want to talk about?"
"I can talk about anything, I've been to college."
----
"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing."
-Wernher von Braun
----
"Silver bullets MY ASS!"
----
"Hey, nice coat, man. What's in the pink box?"
----
"Where are we going?!"
"PLANET 10!!"
"When are we leaving?!"
"REAL SOON!!"
----
"No matter where you go... there you are"
----
"Look....up in the sky...it's a bird...it's a plane...it's a frog!"
"A frog?"
"Not bird nor plane nor even frog, just little old me, Underdog!"
----
"...we do our part -- what's your problem?"
----
Just another garden-variety Communist dupe...
----
From the conning tower of The Submarine of the Usenet
----
The Submarine of the Usenet
----
Heavens, they're tasty...
----
"Nick! Heath! Jarrad! There's a fire in the barn!"
----
"...and several butcher's aprons"
----
"The wonder of it all."
----
"There is no mistreating of the Abos... while there's anybody watching."
----
"Those who travel with him.... must be crazy."
----
"... the all-weather breakfast cereal"
----
"I'd do anything for a hundred pounds, of DOLLARS, my dear Dudley!"
----
"Hey Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of muy hat!"
"But that trick NEVER works!"
"This time fer sure!"
----
Necessity is a Mother -- no invention!
----
"I have seen victory snatched from the hands of other commanders."
----
"I just hired him and he's already off on a case! What a brown-noser!"
----
"If I were not in the C.I.D., A window-washer I would be!"
----
"Grab your Cape/And drop the phone/Your next stop is/The Joker Zone"
----
"Americans love a winner... and WILL NOT TOLERATE a loser"
----
"You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest WIITH... A HERRING!!"
----
Trivia is my Business
----
"Can you say PAIN, boys & girls?"
----
"He's everywhere! He's everywhere!"
----
"Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?"
----
"Noooobody expects THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!"
----
One of the last true Bohemians...
----
A eccentric America is a Safe America...
----
"That green-blooded, pointy-eared Son of a Bitch!"
----
"Don't call me 'tiny'."
----
America's Actioned Hero,
----
"Aye, and if my grandmother had wheels, she'd have been a wagon...."
----
"Wow... this is intense."
----
"The word is no, therefore I am going anyway."
----
"I understand that in this country Coke comes in cans!"
----
"Is this a trick question?"
----
"Aim for her flat-top!"
----
"...I'm going to hit it with a stick."
----
"I'm a BAAAAD boy!"
----
"These are DARK TIMES for all mankind's HIGHEST VALUES!"
"These are DARK TIMES for FREEDOM and PROSPERITY!"
"These are GREAT TIMES to put your money on BAD GUY to kick
the CRAP out of MEGATON MAN!"
----
THE DAILY PLANET
SUPERMAN SAVES DESSERT!
Plans to "Eat it later".
----
"SAVE US, Megaton Man! SAVE US!"
"PROTECT US, Megaton Man! PROTECT US!"
"THINK for us, Megaton Man, THINK for us!"
"MOW MY LAWN FOR ME, Megaton Man, MOW MY LAWN FOR ME!"
----
"LOOK at them! Helpless, tender creatures, relying on ME,
waiting for ME to make my move!"
"Move your ASS, Fat-head!"
"It is a MANDATE, and I am DUTY BOUND to OBEY!"
----
"You're all MISTAKEN! I got 65 girlfriends -- and a
LIFETIME MEMBERSHIP in the NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION!"
----
"Try it NOW, you murderous poopheads!!"
----
"Hide the wenches and batten down the access codes... yer about to
be boarded, ye scurvy network news dogs! Har Har..."
----
"Well, we've come full circle, Lord; I'd like to think there's
some higher meaning to all this. It would certainly reflect
well on you."
----
Call me Moriarty, Zeck, Karla, or Bloefeld;
just don't call me late for dinner.
----
"I can give you my word, but I know what it's worth and you don't."
-Nero Wolfe, _Over_My_Dead_Body_
----
"I have no talents. I have genius or nothing. But all genius is
distorted, even my own."
----
"You have heard me speak of Professor Moriarty?"
"The famous scientific criminal, as famous among
crooks as--"
"My blushes, Watson," Holmes murmured, in a
deprecating voice.
"I was about to say 'as he is unknown to the
public.'"
Dr. John Watson, _The_Valley_of_Fear_
----
"But in calling Moriarty a criminal you are
uttering libel in the eyes of the law, and
there lies the glory and the wonder of it.
The greatest schemer of all time, the
organizer of every devilry, the controlling
brain of the underworld.... That's the man."
----
"I can tell a Moriarty when I see one. This crime is from
London, not America."
----
"The man pervades London, and no one has heard of him."
----
==============================================================================gnome@olivee.UUCP (Gary Traveis) (06/25/85)
> Well, as mentioned in several other newsgroups, ~30 people have written me > over the last few months asking me to post the complete collection of > sign-off lines I spike my articles with. Hope you enjoy them, as I don't > plan to post it again for two years or so. > > Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer > John Fluke Mfg. Co., Inc. Ok, now, for a REAL challenge, try to identify where they all came from!