let@bnl.UUCP (Lora E Thompson) (09/11/83)
There is a guy in my office who has lately been coming to work wearing a pheremone based cologne. I know both because my boyfriend sometimes wears it, and because of its effect upon me. We've gotten along fairly well in the past, but I'm afraid to tell him that I wish he wouldn't wear it at work. If he comes into the terminal room while wearing it it's practically impossible to keep my thoughts straight, and I end up going to a terminal in the machine room where its FREEZING, but at least I can concentrate. My question is: How can I tactfully ask him not to wear it? He's a nice guy, but he's also a bit touchy, and I want to keep a good working relationship with him. - Lora
padpowell@wateng.UUCP (PAD Powell[Admin]) (09/12/83)
What is this pheremone cologne? I have been noticing a whole series of "strange" scents being sold as "attractive" to the opposite sex. This is the first time I have heard of anything which has had an effect on women, but then I havn't been reading much lately. Patrick Powell, U. Waterloo
ginger@ssc-vax.UUCP (Ginger Grover) (09/13/83)
Perhaps you could tell him you are "allergic" to his cologne and ask him to not wear it. You wouldn't have to go into detail about exactly *how* it affects you. And it would be a good idea to suggest one or two other colognes he might like to which you know you're not "allergic". If you make it clear that other men have worn that particular cologne and you had the same reaction to it, he should be able to take your comments less personally. But I definitely do not think you should suffer in silence -much less freeze in the machine room. A good working relationship is one in which such matters can be discussed - maybe you should (gently) point that out to him. Ginger Grover ssc-vax!ginger
steven@qubix.UUCP (Steven Maurer) (09/13/83)
Give him some "friendly" advice.
Tell him that, as a woman, you think it stinks.
Tell him it is the most disgusting scent you have ever smelled.
He'll be demanding money back real soon
Stevelaura@utcsstat.UUCP (Laura Creighton) (09/14/83)
This business about lying to the poor guy -- I do not think that this is a good idea. After all, if he stops wearing it because he thinks women do not find it sexy, and women *do* find it sexy, then you are contributing to a mistaken world view that he will have to use until somebody corrects him, which may be never. After all, how often do you talk about pheremones to your friends or people you work with. Personally, I would dislike that *anything* had such power over me that I could not think. I would 'put up with it' not out of some martyr complex, but out of a sincere desire to master my control over the world and everything that is in it. I once put up with somebody's preference for loud rock music for that very reason. However, that approach may not be for you. And even if you do try it you may find that while you can work with the perfume you just do not like it. I found that I could work with rock in the next room, but I still didn't like KISS. Then, of course, you may have reformulated the problem. It is not 'poor me, I cannot work with this inconsiderate boor' but 'I have a conflict of interests with person X and I am going to resolve it'. Note: I am not saying that this is your (who ever started this article, I forget where it came from) current attitude. i just know a lot of people who cannot think of any problem that they have except in terms of 'poor me' so this phrase applies to SOMEBODIES out there. Now you have the 'how to resolve conflicts of interest' question. There are several approaches to this. I have rhinocerous hide, and can take garbage from anyone, and give it back, so I am in general not worried about a scene, or hurting people's feelings. therefore, in general, I would have no problem saying to somebody "I really dislike that perfume you are wearing. Could you please wear something else". In such a way that they are very sure that I mean it. Which is enough for most people. However, there are lots of cases where this is not an optimal plan of attack. I can outline some of the standard ones, and what I might do in such a case, but I do not know the person, so I can only be of very limited assistance. First of all, you may not want to be blunt. I know people who hate being blunt. They will have to think of a better way to say this. I cannot, since I do not speak 'bureaucratese', but if you are that sort of a person then you will already have come up with a more polite way of saying "Don't Do This!". Second of all, you may be dealing with a person who will fight back. If they are likely to say "stuff it!" when you request that they wear something else, then you are going to have to see whether you want to wage war on them. Don't unless you either think that you can win, or want the experience. In general, if you are always fighting you will not have much time for other things, so keep the wars down to a minimum. However, if you are forced to work with a louse, you may want to fight with him a lot, and win all the time, so as to keep yourself ahead of him. that way, months down the road, when he wants to do a job that you and he are doing together in a horrible kludgey fashion, you can quietly say "no we are going to do it this way" and get what you want. If you are likely to have to fight these ones out, then perhaps it is a good idea to build up precedents now. After all, if you have been running from the warm rooms to avoid hurting his feelings in the past, when he decided to produce a crock that will have your name on it with his, you may not feel confident enough to tell him where to take his hike. And so you damage your professional image, as your name gets associated with some slimy horror. Of course, to some people the ability to be a 'nice person' that agrees with others is more valuable than your professional image. If you are one of these people, disregard my last paragraph. Thirdly, you may be dealing with a person who has had a tough life of it recently who will be severely hurt if you criticise his perfume. There are a lot of walking wounded out there. Now you have to decide whether you want to deal him another blow. You may decide yes, in which case, go implement 2 paragraphs ago. You may decide no. In this case, you are going to have to try to get him to change without appearing 'hostile' or 'aggressive' to him. Remember, what you consider 'casual advice' he may consider 'a threat like he has never seen before'. People are weird. If you are trying to be non-hostile, then you are going to have to get him to change either through a subtle trick, or through cultivating a firm friendship with the fellow. After all, you take things from friends that you would not take from others. Making a friend is tough work. If you do not want the hassle (or if you think that he would make a lousy friend) you might have the option of having a friend of his tell him that wearing such and such a perfume to work is likely to have a strange effect on certain employees and may be considered offensive to them. Of course, if you do not know any of his friends, then you are out of luck. This way of working also reveals something of yourself to the friend of the perfume-wearer, so if you are looking for a way to avoid confrontation this is a pretty bad move. It gives a lot of power to the perfume-wearer's friend, who is expected to be more loyal to the perfume-wearer than to you. (This changes if the friend is mutual.) It would be better to go through the immediate superior to both the perfume-wearer and yourself. However, you may end up looking like a 'sissy' which may or may not be a bad thing depending on where you work, and what the people involved are like. Something that might work, depending on the person, is if you gave him a bottle of perfume that does not have that effect on you. Tell him that you do not like that perfume, but soften the blow by giving him a gift. Make it *good* perfume -- nobody wants a tacky gift. Also, if he is going to interpret this as a sign of your undying love for him, you are either going to have to deal with that, or find a better solution. As an unobtrusive measure that might get the message across, (if he picks up on these things) buying a lot of solid air freshener and placing it in your office may work. However you may not find 'the smell of the wild Canadian northern pines' at such quantity to be pleasant either. Vinegar and Ammonia are 2 strong smells that many people do not find offensive (though I find ammonia extremely offensive). He may view this as a threat, however... Laura Creighton utzoo!utcsstat!laura
courtney@hp-pcd.UUCP (09/27/83)
#R:ssc-vax:-50800:hp-pcd:41800001:000:429
hp-pcd!courtney Sep 26 13:07:00 1983
I don't like the idea of lying to the guy. Give it to him straight:
STOP POLLUTING THE ENVIRONMENT WITH YOUR MANIPULATIVE CHEMICALS!
Pheromone colognes/perfumes should be banned and probably will be
soon... such use of chemicals is akin to an employer spiking the water
tank with caffeine to improve employee's productivity... it is totally
unethical as is any other form of clandestine/manipulative activity.
Courtney