moiram@tektronix.UUCP (Moira Mallison ) (06/05/84)
I remember being surprised when I read an article ( *generic deity* knows where!) that women did not form close friendships because of the innate competition for the attention of men. I have always had very close female friends (we've always had different tastes in men...hmmm). Granted, I've had a limited number of friendships with men; I've rarely felt comfortable enough to get to a space of complete trust with them. (This is changing due to the ubiquitous preponderance of men in this profession!). What I've felt that these friendships provide me is the acceptance of myself exactly the way I am, together with support for personal growth. These friends accept me in ways I dont always accept myself. They let me be a slug when I want to be a slug; they listen, challenge, support me when I'm working things through; they rejoice in my successes and they help me dust myself off when I fail. We are scattered all over the country; we have dreams of reunions and at the same time each of us gets more comfortable in our own little corner of the country...(why cant I convince any of them to move to the beautiful Pacific NW? what? you say you don't have webs between your toes? how bizarre!!). Back to the competition aspect: In the last couple of years at school, I've spent a lot more time socializing with men from classes. Since last fall, this has narrowed down to a group of 3-4 who regularly go to the local pub for a pitcher of beer, sometimes joined by SO's, sometimes not. (SO's are not in CS). The presence of the SO's tends to have little affect, but when another woman from CS joins the group, it definitely affects the dynamic (especially if she's younger, thinner, prettier, or just more flirtatious). I become much less secure about my position in the group. I feel the competition. I feel much less like 'one of the guys'. So, perhaps women who are brought up to think that what they need to do in life is "catch a man", this feeling of competition with other women is pervasive and they dont form close friendships with other women. In closing, I offer an enhancement on letters. I bought a small paper bound blank book which is being used as a letter journal. It has more continuity to it than letters; it gives us a chance to give a thoughtful response to each other. We have both really enjoyed it. Moira Mallison tektronix!moiram