mmm@weitek.UUCP (Mark Thorson) (12/01/85)
{scene: the bound and gagged president of a major manufacturer of hand-held
shavers is being guarded by two malevolent figures}
T: Okay Otto, you can remove Mr. Kiam's gag.
O: Yes Mr. Thorson.
K: YOU'RE NUTS!! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS?
HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK THEY'LL PAY?!?
T: I didn't bring you here for purposes of ransom, Mr. Kiam.
I brought you hear for an English lesson, ha ha ha!
Otto, lather him up!
O: Yes Mr. Thorson.
{Otto lathers Mr. Kiam's face}
T: Otto, shave Mr. Kiam incredibly close.
O: How close is that?
T: Incredibly close! As close as you can imagine, and then some!
O: I don't know how to do that, Mr. Thorson.
T: Just try your best Otto, I can't ask for more.
{Otto shaves Mr. Kiam's face}
T: Okay Otto, you did a pretty good job. I don't think I can feel
any stubble.
O: I tries my best Mr. Thorson.
T: Now Otto, shave Mr. Kiam again, EVEN CLOSER!
O: But I don't know how to do that, Mr. Thorson.
T: DO IT, OTTO!
{Otto shaves Mr. Kiam even closer}
K: AIEEEEEE!!!
T: Very good, Otto.
K: AIEEEEEE!!!
O: You know I really think we should call a doctor, Mr. Thorson.
K: AIEEEEEE!!!
T: Nonsense, you just scratched Mr. Kiam a little.
K: AIEEEEEE!!!
O: But why he be screamin' like that?
K: AIEEEEEE!!!
T: You might have scraped the tips off a few million sensory neurons.
I wouldn't worry about it.
K: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!!! YOU SADIST!!
T: Sadist... No, I don't think I've quite earned being called a sadist.
Now maybe Hilda qualifies. Oh Hilda.
{a dental hygenist appears carrying a tray of small, sharp, stainless
steel instruments}
T: Clean Mr. Kiam's teeth. Clean them INCREDIBLY CLEAN!
H: Yes Mr. Thorson.
K: NO NO NO!! HAVE MERCY!!
Mark "I hated the ad so much, I kidnapped the company president" Thorson