[net.comics] Jayembee Reviews

boyajian@akov68.DEC (JERRY BOYAJIAN) (08/17/85)

Reviewed this time around:

BALDER THE BRAVE #1	LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES #16	THE UNCANNY X-MEN #199
THE BLACK DRAGON #5	NIGHTCRAWLER #1			ZOT! #10

Ratings for the comics reviewed are as according to the Mad Armenian Scale, a
shameless rip-off of the Moriarty Scale, stolen out from under the very nose of
the Napoleon of Crime. Nyah-ah-ah!!

"For a critic, it's better to have wrong standards than none at all."

						-- Elmer Allyn Craft

********************************************************************************
|=>A+< A veritable Classic. One of the best of All Time. Example: THE SPIRIT   |
|==>A< One of the best of the year. Ex: TEEN TITANS #38: "Who Is Donna Troy?"  |
|==>B< A very good issue, one of the best of the month. Example: CEREBUS       |
|==>C< A well done, entertaining issue.  Satisfying.  Example: JON SABLE       |
|==>D< Rather boring, or a few good spots mixed with more bad ones. Ex: ROM    |
|==>F< Boring AND stupid or childish.  Example: MARVEL SUPERHEROES SECRET WARS |
|==>Z< Actually offensive.  Example: DAZZLER --- THE MOVIE GRAPHIC NOVEL #12   |
********************************************************************************


BALDER THE BRAVE #1	[Marvel, mini-series, $.75]	B

	Back in the Good Old Days, my favorite comic was JOURNEY INTO MYSTERY
(I *said* they were Old Days), my favorite super-hero was Thor, and my favorite
supporting character was Balder. Back then, I felt that Balder deserved to be
the hero of his own comic. Well, it took 20 years, but he finally made it, even
if it's only a mini-series.
	I'll make this quick. If you don't like Simonson's THOR, and don't
buy it, then you can pass this one by. If you *do* like Simonson's THOR, then
you should be picking this one up. Unless of course, you buy THOR solely for
Simonson's art. BALDER is drawn by Sal Buscema, although it does have what I
think is a conscious Simonsonesque touch. Story-wise, this interleaves with
what's going on in THOR, and will be important to what's going on in THOR.


THE BLACK DRAGON #5	[Marvel/Epic, mini-series, $1.50]	C+

	At last, things are starting to happen, and the quality of the art
and story have increased as a result. This is the first issue that I have
really felt interested in. I hope this bodes well for the resolution next
issue.


LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES #16	[DC, $1.25]	C-

	Nicely done as it stands. There's a major problem with the whole
idea, though. Considering the time-flux problems shown in CRISIS, it would
have seemed more reasonable for Brainy to be upset over Kara's *recent* death
rather than the 1000-year anniversary of her death. After all, what is so
significant about it being a thousand years? Was the 999th anniversary less
of a hurt? And since the 30th Century has known about Kara's death for 1000
years, they must have known about the Crisis for all that time. Why then,
were they so surprised when its effects manifested themselves? Why was Dawn-
star surprised by the appearance of Harbinger?


NIGHTCRAWLER #1		[Marvel, mini-series, $.75]	D

	A silly piece of fluff from Dave Cockrum. A mixture of "Kitty's
Fairy Tale" and the Nightcrawler story from the X-Men issue of BIZARRE
ADVENTURES. Either you go for this kind of silliness or you don't. I don't,
unless it's *really* well done. And this isn't well-done enough.


THE UNCANNY X-MEN #199		[Marvel, $.65]		C+

	Very much an improvement over the last couple of issues. Nice
character bits with Cyclops, Rachel, Magneto, and Kitty. The scenes at
the Holocaust Memorial alone were worth the price. Just goes to show that
when Claremont shines, he *shines*. Too bad he can't do this every issue.


ZOT! #10	[Eclipse, $1.50]	B

	I've not been quite as taken with ZOT! as some (Moriarty, for
example), but I still thought it was in the the top 5% of comics on the
market. And I'm going to miss it. It's too bad, too, as the next issue
(Jenny having to face her own mundane world again) looked promising (I make
no bones about saying that Jenny is my favorite character in the book).
Sigh. "For one brief shining moment..."

--- jayembee (Jerry Boyajian, DEC, Acton-Nagog, MA)

UUCP:	{decvax|ihnp4|allegra|ucbvax|...}!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-akov68!boyajian
ARPA:	boyajian%akov68.DEC@DECWRL.ARPA

allen@bunker.UUCP (C. Allen Grabert) (08/19/85)

> LEGION OF SUPER-HEROES #16	[DC, $1.25]	C-
> 
> 	Nicely done as it stands. There's a major problem with the whole
> idea, though. Considering the time-flux problems shown in CRISIS, it would
> have seemed more reasonable for Brainy to be upset over Kara's *recent* death
> rather than the 1000-year anniversary of her death. After all, what is so
> significant about it being a thousand years? Was the 999th anniversary less
> of a hurt? And since the 30th Century has known about Kara's death for 1000
> years, they must have known about the Crisis for all that time. Why then,
> were they so surprised when its effects manifested themselves? Why was Dawn-
> star surprised by the appearance of Harbinger?

It seems to me that DC is implying that Braniac 5/"the 30th Century" did NOT
know about the Crisis because "previously" it HADN'T happened before.  A similar
situation would be Thanos' interference in the timeline of Warlock/Magus; time
was simply modified.  Thus, the news of Kara's death would only now have been
"propagated" to the 30th Century.  I haven't considered what other ramifications
this idea might have.

Then again, there was a somewhat cryptic mention in Flash (around #346 or so;
I didn't buy the book) about the "Orion conflagration" (I believe it was called)
having disrupted the records of the 20th Century.  (I assume this referred to
Crisis.)
-- 

                     Back on the freeway, which is already in progress,
		     Allen Grabert (...ittatc!bunker!allen)

boyajian@akov68.DEC (JERRY BOYAJIAN) (09/03/85)

Reviewed this time around:

BATMAN #390			THE MARVEL SAGA #1	WONDER WOMAN #328
DOC STEARN...MR. MONSTER #2	SHADOW OF THE BATMAN #1
GREYLORE #1			THE SPIRIT #11		THE UNCANNY X-MEN #200
THE INCREDIBLE HULK #314	SUPERMAN #414		X-MEN/ALPHA FLIGHT #1

Ratings for the comics reviewed are as according to the Mad Armenian Scale, a
shameless rip-off of the Moriarty Scale, stolen out from under the very nose of
the Napoleon of Crime. Nyah-ah-ah!!

"For a critic, it's better to have wrong standards than none at all."

						-- Elmer Allyn Craft

********************************************************************************
|=>A+< A veritable Classic. One of the best of All Time. Example: THE SPIRIT   |
|==>A< One of the best of the year. Ex: TEEN TITANS #38: "Who Is Donna Troy?"  |
|==>B< A very good issue, one of the best of the month. Example: CEREBUS       |
|==>C< A well done, entertaining issue.  Satisfying.  Example: JON SABLE       |
|==>D< Rather boring, or a few good spots mixed with more bad ones. Ex: ROM    |
|==>F< Boring AND stupid or childish.  Example: MARVEL SUPERHEROES SECRET WARS |
|==>Z< Actually offensive.  Example: DAZZLER --- THE MOVIE GRAPHIC NOVEL #12   |
********************************************************************************

BATMAN #390		[DC, $.75]		C-

	Doug Moench's work on this book is rather peculiar. During the long
(nigh unto interminable) Nocturna/Nightslayer storyline, is was ghastly and
self-indulgent. Once that storyline was over, Moench's work picked up consid-
erably. Now, with Nocturna and Nightslayer back in action, things are starting
to get sluggish again. Moench seems to be so taken with his creations, that I
have been getting worried.
	Now, the cover to this issue seems to indicate Nocturna's death. All
well and good, says I, until I started reaching the end of the issue. Unfor-
tunately, it's not Nocturna, and fortunately, she may not be dead. One can
only hope that *this* character is not being cleaned out of DC's crowded
stables.
	Whom am I referring to? Read the issue and find out. And keep your
fingers crossed for the next issue of DETECTIVE COMICS.


DOC STEARN...MR. MONSTER #2	[Eclipse, $1.75]	D+

	I found Mike Gilbert and Bill Loebs' MR. MONSTER #1 to be a refresh-
ing near-parody of the jut-jawed superhero, with not a little touch of the
two-fisted (and two-gunned) pulp magazines characters such as The Shadow and
Doc Savage. Well, the first issue did well enough to have Gilbert and Loebs
(I don't feel like type Messner-Loebs all of the time) continue the feature
as a regular comic.
	Well, what's refreshing once or twice can get a bit tired after a
while, and I'm a bit dubious about the staying power of Mr. Monster. Especially
if future issues are as confused and rambling as this. The story is rather
bizarre, which doesn't faze me much, but it badly needs some tightening up.
If Gilbert can't do some better editing of himself, someone else better do it
for him.


GREYLORE #1		[Sirius, mini-series, $1.50]		D+

	A new comic, from a new publisher, GREYLORE is the product of David
Campiti, Kevin Juaire, Peter Palmer, and Bo Hampton. It's got an interesting
enough premise: there's this wizard whose "charge" is this double planet
system of Stormgren and Sirius. However, something seems to be upsetting the
natural course of events on one planet, and that's having an effect on the
other. The wizard in question ends up disappearing as a result of this some-
thing, and his apprentice (with a gabby familiar) looks into matters. It
seems the problem is this character named Baru Greylore, an adventurer and
rogue. his less-than-honest activities are causing this upset, and the new
wizard must try to get Greylore to become a hero in order to re-balance
things.
	There's a lot of nice ideas in this comic, which is enough to keep
me reading it. Unfortunately, the ideas aren't bolstered by very good writing.
Not bad, but about on the level of the writing one could find in DC's NEW
TALENT SHOWCASE (in fact, I think Juaire and Palmer had stories published in
that comic). And Bo Hampton's art just isn't polished enough for my tastes.
To say nothing of the color repro, which is rather bizarre (it reminds me of
the late, unlamented BLODDY BONES AND BLACKEYED PEAS).
	I'd be happier if this book was less than it was, so that I could
just ignore it without qualms. Unfortunately, it's just good enough to not
want to ignore, while being not good enough to really rave about.


THE INCREDIBLE HULK #314	[Marvel, $.75]		C-

	I'm not sure what I can say about this issue. John Byrne is now the
writer/artist, which says a lot right there. For the most part, it simply
establishes the Hulk's return to Earth, as well as some of the supporting
players. There's also a re-cap of HJulk's origin. I'm kind of glad that
Byrne switched over to hear from ALPHA FLIGHT, as he was running out of steam
on the latter. I'll be interested to see if he can pull the same sort of
remedy on HULK that he has on the FF.


THE MARVEL SAGA #1	[Marvel, $1.00]		D

	This is what CRISIS was originally intended to be, a sequential history
of a comic book universe. Using a combination of reprints and new art, comic
historian Peter Sanderson is giving us a textbook of the major historical events
in the Marvel Universe. The first five pages give us a quick overview of the
birth of the MU, the first coming of the Celestials, the rise and fall of the
Thurian and Hyborian ages, through WWII, up until the FF's origin. The bulk of
the issue then focuses upon the events of FF #1-2, with a good look at the
origins of Vindicator/Guardian and Ant-Man.
	This is an interesting project, and it's nice to have all of the events
put into this sort of perspective. But, it's unfortunately both very dry, and
very repetitive. This may be great for someone like a young kid, who isn't very
familiar with Marvel history, but those of us who've been reading Marvel comics
for any length of time will be rather bored reading the same material we've
already seen again and again.
	A nice reference book, which might be just what Sanderson might want
it to be, but not terribly interesting reading.


SHADOW OF THE BATMAN #1	    [DC, deluxe reprint mini-series, $1.75]	C+

	This series is supposed to reprint the classic Steve Englehart/Marshall
Rogers issues of DETECTIVE COMICS, which many people (I among them) feel is the
definitive Batman. Unfortunately, Englehart's first two issues were done, not
by Rogers and Terry Austin, but by Walt Simonson and Al Milgrom. I don't know
whether Simonson was having an off period or Milgrom's inks didn't suit his
pencils, but the art was less than satisfying both then and now. But these two
issues are necessary to the overall story (among other things, they introduce
Silver St. Cloud and Boss Thorne), and so they are rightfully reprinted in this
first issue. If you're disappointed by this issue, fear not, as the best (and
I mean the *best*) is yet to come.
	Oh, and for those of you who might be disappointed by no Rogers, in the
back is a story from HOUSE OF MYSTERY that was one of Rogers' early art jobs.


THE SPIRIT #11		[Kitchen Sink, $2.95]		B-

	Well, it's all your fault! All of you who don't buy THE SPIRIT. No,
this isn't the last issue, so it's not going the way of ZOT!, but it's the
last color issue, which is both a good and a bad thing. The first 8 issues were
simply the best comics being published today, in terms of the overall package
of story, art, color, and production. But not enough folks were buying it, and
Kitchen had to give up the re-coloring of the original art, and laser-scan the
newspaper sections, which resulted in rather poor reproduction of not only the
color, but the artwork itself.
	But Kitchen was not pleased with this repro, and neither were fans, so
now THE SPIRIT is going back to black and white, as it was in its magazine
format. Not that color is essential to the enjoyment of the stories, and it's
certainly better to have crisp, clear b&w than the awful laser-scanned color,
but it won't be the truly overwhelming package it once was. I mourn.


SUPERMAN #414		[DC, $.75]		D+

	This is supposed to be a carry-over from the Superboy of Earth-Prime
story in DC COMICS PRESENTS #87. On the contrary, Superman and Superboy hardly
get back to Earth-1 when Superboy is yanked away to God knows where, and we
are treated to a story pitting Superman against the Superman Revenge Squad.
and a rather pedestrian story it is.
	But what's worse is that this is yet another comic which shows the
rather lackadiasical editorial coordination between CRISIS and the regular
line of comics. Here, we see Jimmy Olsen wondering about the reported death
of Supergirl, whereas at the end of CRISIS #7, there is a big memorial service
for Kara. And since this issue follows DCCP #87, which follows CRISIS #7,
there shouldn't be this question hanging around.
	However, there is a tocuhing scene at the end of this comic, in which
Superman brings Kara's body to New Krypton for burial, as well as giving the
sad news to her parents. This almost makes up for the problems in the rest of
the issue.


WONDER WOMAN #328	[DC, $.75]	D+

	Well this certainly is a surprise. We've known almost since the start
of CRISIS that FLASH was going to end at #350, but no one told us that WW was
going to fold with the issue after this! No, Wonder Woman isn't going to bite
the big one like Flash, but her comic is, at least for now. It's just as well,
since in the alst couple of issues, Mindy Newell hasn't shown any evidence of
pulling WW out of the pit it's been in for as long as FLASH has been.
	But, for you who are following all of the CRISIS cross-overs, we have
a biggie here, as Wonder Woman and her fellow amazons fight alongside the
Gods of Olympus against the Anti-Monitor's shadow demons. The situation is
interesting enough for me to read the next (and last) issue to find out how
things will wrap up in the face of the Crisis, but this is a comic I won't
particularly mourn.


THE UNCANNY X-MEN #200		[Marvel, $1.25]		C-

	Well, here's the biggie. Magneto's trial, the X-men's and Newties'
return from Asgard (after the events in the NEW MUTANTS and X-MEN Annuals),
the return of the von Strucker twins, Maddy goes into labor, and someone's
death. Well, maybe not. We shall have to see if Marvel's copped out this
time or not.


X-MEN/ALPHA FLIGHT #1	[Marvel, mini-series, $1.50]	B-

	Despite the rather hackneyed team-up gambit of setting the two heroes
(or in this case, teams) to fighting each other over some misunderstanding,
then having them team up to fight a common foe, this comic turned out pretty
good. First of all, it's nice to see Paul Smith back doing the artwork for
the X-Men (to say nothing of what he does for Alpha Flight). Second of all,
the storyline is interesting --- Loki finds himself in the position of having
to bring peace to Earth, but knowing Loki, we know that he's up to something
sinister. But anyways, Loki's plan involves the two super-teams, as Scott and
Maddy find themselves in the middle of Loki's plan, and Snowbird seems to be
having troubles related to it. I'm genuinely intrigued to find out what
happens next.
	But added to this interesting story is a series of nice little scenes
between Heather and Logan and Rogue (I *still* can't believe she hasn't told
nanyone her real name yet; if she doesn't have one, *why*?) and Northstar.
And then there are the scenes involving Scott and Rachel's meeting and the
revelation of Maddy's pregnancy, not to mention Puck's transformation, which
by the way implies that there's something more to Judd than we all know.
There's also a hint of something more between Judd and Heather than either
we or they knew.
	All in all, much more satisfying than either of the teams' own books
have been lately.


--- jayembee (Jerry Boyajian, DEC, Acton-Nagog, MA)

UUCP:	{decvax|ihnp4|allegra|ucbvax|...}!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-akov68!boyajian
ARPA:	boyajian%akov68.DEC@DECWRL.ARPA

boyajian@akov68.DEC (JERRY BOYAJIAN) (09/03/85)

I forgot to mention, re: X-MEN/ALPHA FLIGHT ---

The story takes place much earlier in the continuities of the respective comics.
With respect to the X-Men. It takes place between the beginning and the end of
X-MEN #92 --- after Kitty returns from Japan and Ororo leaves for Africa, but
before the Prof gets mugged. Wrt Alpha Flight, it takes place before AF #23, in
which Sasquatch dies.

--- jmb

henry@utzoo.UUCP (Henry Spencer) (09/06/85)

> ... (I *still* can't believe she [Rogue] hasn't told
> nanyone her real name yet; if she doesn't have one, *why*?) ...

Claremont cleared this one up at the Austin NASFiC:  Rogue's real name
has not been revealed because Claremont doesn't know it yet, i.e. he hasn't
yet found one he likes.

This is the same reason why Kitty went through several codenames; he had
to give her one immediately, but didn't like the ones he came up with and
kept changing his mind.  He does like "Shadowcat" and so it's definitive.
-- 
				Henry Spencer @ U of Toronto Zoology
				{allegra,ihnp4,linus,decvax}!utzoo!henry

boyajian@akov68.DEC (JERRY BOYAJIAN) (09/09/85)

Reviewed this time around:

FANTASTIC FOUR #285	THE NEW MUTANTS SPECIAL #1	THOR #362
FIRST ADVENTURES #1	THE ROCKETEER GRAPHIC ALBUM	THE UNKNOWN WORLDS OF
FREAK BROTHERS #9	STRONTIUM DOG #1		    FRANK BRUNNER #1-2	
MIRACLEMAN #1		SWAMP THING #43		    	WORDSMITH #1

Ratings for the comics reviewed are as according to the Mad Armenian Scale, a
shameless rip-off of the Moriarty Scale, stolen out from under the very nose of
the Napoleon of Crime. Nyah-ah-ah!!

"For a critic, it's better to have wrong standards than none at all."

						-- Elmer Allyn Craft

********************************************************************************
|=>A+< A veritable Classic. One of the best of All Time. Example: THE SPIRIT   |
|==>A< One of the best of the year. Ex: TEEN TITANS #38: "Who Is Donna Troy?"  |
|==>B< A very good issue, one of the best of the month. Example: CEREBUS       |
|==>C< A well done, entertaining issue.  Satisfying.  Example: JON SABLE       |
|==>D< Rather boring, or a few good spots mixed with more bad ones. Ex: ROM    |
|==>F< Boring AND stupid or childish.  Example: MARVEL SUPERHEROES SECRET WARS |
|==>Z< Actually offensive.  Example: DAZZLER --- THE MOVIE GRAPHIC NOVEL #12   |
********************************************************************************


FANTASTIC FOUR #285		[Marvel, $.65]		C-  [A for effort]

	The Human Torch almost quits the superhero business when he finds out
that a young child who worshipped him lit himself on fire in order to be just
like his hero. This is a very powerful story, and one that deserved to be told.
just the panel of the boy in silhouette staring at the fuel can was enough to
send shivers up my spine.
	Still, Byrne blew it in two ways. First, the story was too short. We
got only a surface glimpse of Johnny's feelings. I think this story would have
worked better as this year's Annual. Secondly, the Beyonder's appearance was
too pat. The problem posed in the story is a human one, and it deserves a human
solution. For Johnny to get over the event, he needs to work it out for himself
rather than have it shown to him by an all-powerful alien.
	But the impact of the story, however blunted, is still strong, and if
it tells just one kid out there not "to do this stuff at home", it'll be worth
tons of any other comic.


FIRST ADVENTURES #1	[First, $1.25]		D+  [BB: C-, Wh: D, DJ: D+]

	First's first anthology comic is a mixed bag. In ascending order:
"Whisper" --- Could be better, could be worse; could be a lot better, could
be a lot worse. Not as good as her initial adventure and not very deep. Seems
more interested in getting into the action than giving us a glimpse into the
character.
"Dynamo Joe" --- I generally don't care for giant robot comics, but there's
something about this strip that I liked back when it first appeared in the back
of MARS. I think what that something is is that the characters are what's
carrying the strip, not the robot. I'll be interested to see where this leads.
"Blaze Barlow" --- Interesting, amusing, weird. Angels with automatic rifles
pursuing a walking, sentient cake, with a dimension-hoping P.I. that shoots
bullets with his (her, actually, if I remember the advance word correctly). It
may turn out to be a dud, but so far, I'm entertained.


FREAK BROTHERS #9  	[Rip Off, $2.00]	C-

	Finally, after all these many moons, the second part of "The Idiots
Abroad" --- a picaresque journey to foreign lands by those eternal hippies.
I realize that the Freak Brothers are not to everyone's taste, but I get a
chuckle out of them despite the fact that they are a product of a by-gone era.
	But, be warned --- the story is "to be continued"...


MIRACLEMAN #1		[Eclipse, $.75]		story: A-  art:D+  production: F

	I've been praising Alan Moore's Marvelman work in WARRIOR for quite
some time. Now, at last, it's in color and in a format suitable for the
general comics-buying public. Unfortunately, I'm underwhelmed. The printing
(done in Finland) is rather poor. Many panels come out too dark, flesh tones
are too reddish, and a lot of the color is just a tad too garish.
	And the artwork is a bit of a puzzle. I liked Garry Leach's art on
Marvelman (the original name for Miracleman, changed to avoid trademark fights
with Marvel) back when I first saw it, and was disappointed when Alan Davis
took over. But looking back at it, it just doesn't seem to quite make the
grade.
	But the story---ah! the story. This is some of the best superhero
writing I've read. Adjectives at this point would be useless. Suffice it to
say that Moore sees wrinkles in the idea of the superhero that no one else
has seemed to think of.
	A warning perhaps --- the first ten pages comprise a reprint of one
of the original Marvelman stories from the 1950's, and it's certainly not
something to rave about, but it puts a nice historical perspective on the
character, and serves a nice prologue to lead into the first chapter. And
it helped the comic to end on a nice cliff-hanger. And just wait to you see
the rest of this storyline --- the villain here makes Dark Phoenix look like
a piker --- and the cliff-hanger for the second issue!
	We're talking real good shit here, man. And it gets better!


THE NEW MUTANTS SPECIAL #1	[Marvel, Annual, $1.50]		B+

	To put it briefly, this is the best New Mutants story I've ever read.
Period. I was *very* pleasantly surprised.
	Let's get the negative stuff out of the way. First, the flexographic
printing detracts from the art. Secondly, much to my surprise, Terry Austin
overinks Arthur Adams' nice pencil work. I much prefer Art Nichols' more
subdued inks in LONGSHOT.
	Now for the positive stuff. Adams' art is simply beautiful. His ren-
ditions of Illyana, Dani, and Shan (yes, Shan --- Claremont presents a truly
inspired method of dieting for our rather large Newtie) are enough to make
one wish one was 16 again. But aside from the art, the story is just damn well
written, too. Characterizations are wonderful (especially Warlock's sense of
humor, aided in no small amount by Adams' drawings of him), the vignettes of
the adventures of the various Newties in Asgard and what happens to each one
are intriguing (especially with respect to Amara, Rahne, and most of all,
Dani --- her life is about to go through a big change). And the attitudes that
the Newties exhibit at the end is both surprising and understandable.
	This is Claremont at his best. I can't wait for the resolution in the
X-MEN ANNUAL. I just hope it does justice to such a wonderful first part.


THE ROCKETEER GRAPHIC ALBUM	[Eclipse, $7.95*]	A+

*also available in hardcover for an unknown higher price (I'm looking for one).

	I don't think that I can say a whole lot about this that Harlan Ellison
doesn't say in his introduction. When these stories were first printed, in the
back of Pacific's issues of STARSLAYER, in PACIFIC PRESENTS, and Eclipse's
ROCKETEER SPECIAL, it was obvious that this was Something Special. And yet that
knowledge didn't help me prepare for the utter mind-blowing experience of re-
reading Dave Stevens' brainchild in one piece, and with coloring, paper, and
production that augment the overall effect. And it's got some new pages to boot
as well as some re-working of some of the reprinted material (I haven't done
any comparisons with the original printings, yet, though, so I don't know to
what degree things have been revised). The more observant of you may notice,
and confirm by the copyright page, that Jaime Hernandez lends a hand on some
of the new artwork.
	This will deservedly become a classic piece of comics work. And I can
think of few other works that deserve this kind of elaborate production more.


STRONTIUM DOG #1	[Eagle, $1.25]		D+

	I can't say that I thought much of the Strontium Dog story that ran
in the 2000 A.D. comic from Eagle (or what I've read in the original British
2000 A.D.). It was too dry and humorless (oh, there were some funny incidents,
but the character of Johnny Alpha is too damn humorless). This is just more
of the same, but I'll admit that this first installment detailing the origin
of Johnny Alpha as he goes bounty-hunting for the man who is his father is
not too shabby as stories go. Not top notch, but not something to avoid like
the plague, either.


SWAMP THING #43		[DC, $.75]		B

	There's a subtle method to Alan Moore's madness, if I may venture into
that dubious realm of literary analysis. This issue started to bother me at
first. Drugs are bad news --- this is something that I've believed for a long
time. And yet, here we seemed to have somewhat of a glorification of drug
experimentation. You know, the old, "hey, I know that stuff can mess me up
bad, but gee, I'd like to see just what it's *like*". *We* know that the odd
yam-like things that grow on the Swamp Thing aren't bad, right, so what's wrong?
It's not the same as acid, or mesk, or heroin, right? And yet, the feeling came
over me reading this that, no, it *was* just like those drugs. The story here
seems to provide a rationale for trying drugs.
	But by the end, its obvious that Moore saying just the opposite. The
hallucinogenic effects of the Swamp Thing's fruit lays bare the inner soul of
the person who partakes of it, and whether it's a good trip or a bad one depends
on the person. And is it really worth finding out what you're really like on
the inside? The protagonist's answer is an answer for all of us.
	In many ways, this is a more powerful anti-drug story than all of the
ballyhooed such stories (Spider-Man, GL/GA, Daredevil, Teen Titans, etc.) put
together. Too bad it's too subtle for the folks for whom it'd probably do the
most good.


THOR #362		[Marvel, $.65]		B-

	A longtime character meets his end (boy, the comics characters are
dropping like flies this year, eh?), and goes out with a bang. Never thought
he had it in him to be so selfless.


THE UNKNOWN WORLDS OF FRANK BRUNNER #1-2  [Eclipse, micro-series $1.75 each]  D+

	The latest in Eclipse's series of deluxe color reprints of horror fan-
tasy work by some of the best artists of that field. Here, it's Brunner's turn.
Most of these stories, judging from the host character, probably came from an
obscure black & white magazine from circa 1970 called WEB OF HORROR. One came
from STAR*REACH, God knows where the rest came from.
	These stories are better than a lot of the horror stories finding their
way in these Eclipse reprints, but not as good as others. A bit hackneyed, but
not bad overall.


WORDSMITH #1		[Renegade, $1.70]	D

	WORDSMITH is a very different comic, one that follows the life, career,
and concerns of a pulp magazine writer in the 1930's. I don't know whether it's
from the shallowness of the writing, or some basic flaw in the concept, but it
seems to me that this is something that sounds like a nice idea for something
different, but doesn't turn out so hot in the end.
	I don't necessarily demand that a comic be two-fisted adventure, anus-
clenching horror, or whatever. It's nice to have a quiet, relaxing comic to
read. But such a comic needs gripping characters and/or a striking, exciting
style to compensate for the lack of action. And sad to say, writer Dave Darrigo
and artist Rick Taylor just don't have quite what's needed.
	I suspect that the device of switching in mid-scene from the larger
story of the writer to the inner story of what he's writing is supposed to
alleviate this dullness, but it doesn't. Darrigo's fondness for the pulps
shines through, but I kept finding myself thinking that I'd prefer to read the
actual pulps instead.

--- jayembee (Jerry Boyajian, DEC, Acton-Nagog, MA)

UUCP:	{decvax|ihnp4|allegra|ucbvax|...}!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-akov68!boyajian
ARPA:	boyajian%akov68.DEC@DECWRL.ARPA

boyajian@akov68.DEC (JERRY BOYAJIAN) (10/01/85)

Reviewed this time around:

CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS #10	HELL ON EARTH (DC SF GRAPHIC NOVEL #1)
DAREDEVIL #226			KELVIN MACE #1
DETECTIVE #557			SABRE #14
THE FUTURIANS #1		SCOUT #1

Ratings for the comics reviewed are as according to the Mad Armenian Scale, a
shameless rip-off of the Moriarty Scale, stolen out from under the very nose of
the Napoleon of Crime. Nyah-ah-ah!!

"For a critic, it's better to have wrong standards than none at all."

						-- Elmer Allyn Craft

********************************************************************************
|=>A+< A veritable Classic. One of the best of All Time. Example: THE SPIRIT   |
|==>A< One of the best of the year. Ex: TEEN TITANS #38: "Who Is Donna Troy?"  |
|==>B< A very good issue, one of the best of the month. Example: CEREBUS       |
|==>C< A well done, entertaining issue.  Satisfying.  Example: JON SABLE       |
|==>D< Rather boring, or a few good spots mixed with more bad ones. Ex: ROM    |
|==>F< Boring AND stupid or childish.  Example: MARVEL SUPERHEROES SECRET WARS |
|==>Z< Actually offensive.  Example: DAZZLER --- THE MOVIE GRAPHIC NOVEL #12   |
********************************************************************************


CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS #10	[DC, maxi-series, $.75]		C

	Things are really going now. A few more (minor) characters have bitten
the big one, the magic-wielders finally make their stand, and it looks like
everything's been wiped clean, ready for a whole new timeline to be set up.
	Oh, and did I forget to mention it? Earth-Prime has been wiped out.
Isn't nice to know that we don't exist anymore?


DAREDEVIL #226		[Marvel, $.75]		C-

	Well, the big news is that Frank Miller is back to writing this for
an indefinite period of time. As to what's happening, Matt & Foggy's law
partnership has gone down the tubes, and it looks like Matt's sanity is going
to follow. I'll be very interested to see what happens next.


DETECTIVE COMICS #557		[DC, $.75]		C

	Whew! That was close!


THE FOOZLE #3		[Eclipse, $1.75]		C

	I guess Eclipse got tired of waiting for Marshall Rogers to finish
the third issue of CAPTAIN QUICK AND A FOOZLE, so they decided to reprint
the original Foozle story by Rogers and Steve Englehart from ECLIPSE MAGAZINE.
It's quite a bizarre and silly (but amusing-silly, not stupid-silly) story,
and it was nice to see it again.
	This story was originally meant to be a Superman/Creeper story but
Englehart withdrew it when he left DC many many moons ago. If you try reading
it as a Superman/Creeper story, it's even more fun than it is otherwise.
	I should also mention that for art that was originally done for black
and white reproduction, this is colored exceptionally well (by Tim Smith). It
doesn't look muddy at all, which usually happens when b&w stories are reprinted
in color.


THE FUTURIANS #1	[Lodestone, $1.50]		D+

	I wasn't very impressed by the original (Marvel) graphic novel of
Dave Cockrum's new group of heroes, and I'm still not impressed. It's OK, I
guess, if you really want to read yet another super-team comic book. But I
found it to be rather dull, with nothing that really made it distinctive from
other such comics. It's not my cup of tea, but it may be yours, so you might
want to give it a try if you have an extra buck and a half when you hit the
comic store.


HELL ON EARTH [SF GRAPHIC NOVEL #1]	[DC, $5.95]		C-

	This is the first in a series of graphic novels that are adaptations
of classic science fiction and fantasy stories. "Hell on Earth" is from a
Robert (PSYCHO) Bloch story, adapted by Robert Loren Fleming and Keith Giffen.
The story is that of a writer who is hired by a team of scientists to record
their research into the realm of the supernatural. They are attempting to find
a scientific basis in black magic, and they succeed all too well. Conjuring
up the Devil, they find it rather difficult to keep him confined. I have not
read the Bloch original, so I don't know how faithful the adaptation is, but
Giffen's layout and Fleming's script read well.
	The art is my one quibble. Giffen has continued in his experimental
vein, producing a rather new-wavish style here, even more so than he did in
the Superman/Creeper issue of DC COMICS PRESENTS. The style rather surprisingly
fits the story, but I still have problems with it. The trouble is that it isn't
outre' enough to be really catchy (such as Sienkiewicz's art was in THE NEW
MUTANTS), while being too outre' for the average comic reader.
	Not what I would call an auspicious debut for the series, but if you're
looking for something different, here it is.


KELVIN MACE #1		[Vortex, b&w, $1.75]		C-

	Well, *I* thought it was entertaining. It's not the scream that STIG'S
INFERNO is, but it's good fun nonetheless. Excessive violence? Of course, but
it's what they call "wretched excess" --- so much that it becomes funny. The
only thing I'm not sure of is how long this type of humor can be kept up. I
think that it can get pretty tired pretty quick. But the opening sequence that
pokes fun at the hard-boiled cliche of the neon sign is worth the price of
admission.
	And I also liked the "Tale of Lenny's Bar and Grill". It was nice to
come across the reference to the Vikings that appeared there from whichever
issue of STIG'S it was.


SABRE #14		[Eclipse, $2.00]		C-

	There's good news and bad news. The good news is that this is the last
issue of SABRE for the nonce. The bad news is that it leaves off right in the
middle of the latest storyline.
	SABRE was always a strange duck for me. Between issues, I'd think about
how self-indulgent McGregor's writing was. But each time a new issue came out,
McGregor managed to catch me up into the story and characters. I never liked
this dichotomy. I want to dislike this comic, but I can't bring myself to do
so. That's why I think it's good news that the comic is folding, so I won't be
faced with this dilemma.
	To McGregor's credit, he did produce a very different sort of comic in
SABRE. It's not every day one comes across an existentialist comic book. And in
that respect, it'll be missed.


SCOUT #1		[Eclipse, $1.75]		D+

	Can't say as I'm impressed. Indian mysticism, post-collapse future
setting, gangsters, and monsters tossed into one story that fails to excite or
interest. The art's nice, though. I may give it another issue or two to see if
things pick up, but I'm not expecting anything to come of it. Besides, I have
to see if every story title is going to derived from a blues tune (the title
given for issue #2's story, "Little Red Rooster", is a Willie Dixon song that
is probably the blues song performed by the biggest number of different blues
singers).
	The back-up feature, "Fashion in Action", is a bit better, but not by
a whole lot. The gimmick is that we have a all-woman protection agency. And,
so far, it seems to be just a gimmick. It reads rather like an average tele-
vision show.


--- jayembee (Jerry Boyajian, DEC, Acton-Nagog, MA)

UUCP:	{decvax|ihnp4|allegra|ucbvax|...}!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-akov68!boyajian
ARPA:	boyajian%akov68.DEC@DECWRL.ARPA

boyajian@akov68.DEC (JERRY BOYAJIAN) (03/05/86)

Reviewed this time around:

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #277	MANIMAL #1	THE TWISTED TALES OF BRUCE
BLUE BEETLE #1			'MAZING MAN #6		JONES #1-2
THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #201	MIRACLEMAN #6	THE UNCANNY X-MEN #206

Ratings for the comics reviewed are as according to the new, improved, lemon-
freshened Mad Armenian Scale.

"For a critic, it's better to have wrong standards than none at all."

						-- Elmer Allyn Craft

********************************************************************************
|>A< Nirvana. As R. Fiore (COMICS JOURNAL) would say, "Don't hold your breath."|
|>B< Sex is still #1, but sliced bread is definitely in trouble.               |
|>C< Now, *that's* entertainment!                                              |
|>D< Better than being poked in the eye with a sharp stick.                    |
|>F< Please pass the sharp stick.                                              |
|>Z< Better dead than read.                                                    |
********************************************************************************


THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #277	[Marvel, $.75]		D+

	Not having followed AS-M on a regular basis for quite some time, the
only reason I picked this issue up was because one of the two stories herein
was supposed to be a tie-in to the current storyline in DAREDEVIL. That par-
ticular story, by Tom DeFalco and Ron Frenz, bit the big one in a bad way.
Basicly, Peter Parker receives a call from Matt Murdock asking for help. When
Peter gets to the mission where the Man Without Fear is staying, DD, rather
than asking Parker for help, merely tells him what the Kingpin did to him.
Then he implores Parker to stay out of things and leave the Kingpin to him.
So, Spidey of course, goes straight to the Kingpin, yaks with him a while,
and then leaves when Kingpin points out that Spidey won't do anything to him
as long as Kingpin doesn't initiate a fight. So, when it comes down to the
bottom line, absolutely nothing happens! A really big waste.
	The "+" on the above rating is due to the second story, written and
drawn by Charles Vess. It's an interesting and well-done, if somewhat insig-
nificant story. Not good enough to be worth buying this issue for, but it
lessened the waste of buying this issue a little.


BLUE BEETLE #1		[DC, $.75]		C-

	Fresh from his origin in SECRET ORIGINS comes the second of the old
Charlton heroes to make his DC debut (discounting the various cameos in
CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS). I'm not exactly thrilled by this; it's rather
standard super-hero fare, and there doesn't seem to be anything about the
Beetle to set him apart from the rank and file of super-heroes. But what
really struck me about this issue is that it is a marvelous example of how
to write a first issue of a super-hero comic. It firest sets up a conflict
to introduce the hero and the first of his current crop of villains. It re-
caps his origin, introduces the supporting cast and BB's base of operations.
Unlike for instance, BOOSTER GOLD, we get all the basic information we need
about the character right off the bat, so we can get right into the action
next issue (not that this issue doesn't have enough action). Oh, and least
I forget, we also get a couple of plot-threads for future stories.
	A lot of writers could take lesson in plotting from this issue;
Len Wein gives us a text-book example here, and it makes for fascinating
reading just for this reason. I'll probably stick with this for a little
while, but unless BB acquires some distinguishing characteristics, to set
him apart from the other super-heroes, I can't see keeping with this one
for too long.


THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #201		[DC, $.75]		D+

	In the aftermath of the Crisis, the Guardians and the Zamorans have
gone off to produce a bunch of little blue rugrats, and the GL Corps is now
left to its own devices. And so the premiere issue of the "new-format" GL
leaves us with a squadron of seven GL's making their home-base on Earth.
Perhaps it's just that this issue didn't do much other than set up the
background for this new direction, or perhaps it's just the wind-down from
the Crisis-related storyline that's permeated this title for the last half-
year or more. Whatever, I was quite disappointed with this issue, especially
considering what Englehart has done over the last year to bring this comic
back out of the depths.
	While I like the basic idea of the book focusing on the Corps, and
not just Hal Jordan and/or John Stewart, I'm not sure I like the direction
Englehart seems to be taking it in. We shall see.


MANIMAL #1	[Renegade, one-shot?, black & white, $1.70]	F+

	You may recall a television show from a couple of years back called
MANIMAL. If you do, you may wonder of this comic has anything to do with
that show. The answer is "no", though apparently, creator/writer/artist
Ernie Colon complained to the tv show producers about their use of the title.
The material in MANIMAL first appeared about 10 years ago in an independent
(they called them "ground-level" in those days) comic called HOT STUFF. I
wan't impressed then, and I'm not impressed now.
	It's about a young man whose parents were among the abused and tor-
tured Jews at Dachau. One experiment on this man's mother before he was born
had an effect on him later in life --- when he got mad, he turned into a
werewolf of sorts. In the stories included herein, he uses this curse to kill
off some uncaught Nazi war criminals, including the one who was experimented
on Black's mother.
	It isn't particularly well-drawn (remember, this was fairly early in
Ernie Colon's career), even less well written. It seems more like a revenge
fantasy put down on paper (I wonder if Colon had relatives in the camps). Not
that revenge fantasies of this type are necessarily bad --- one infers from
Colon's "Afterthought" following the story that is was quite cathartic for
him --- but there isn't anything more to it, and there should be. I'm afraid
I can't recommend it at all.


'MAZING MAN #6		[DC, $,75]		"Brenda's Story": B+

	This series continues to astonish me. The first story in this issue
isn't one of the better 'Mazing Man stories, but it keeps up the tradition
of innocent, cheerful optimism, sparkling wit, and bright characterization.
The second story, "Brenda's Story", however, is a stunner --- one of the best
things I've read in a good while. What's even more remarkable is that this is
a shining example of a *graphic* story. The pictures are a big part of it,
and I don't think this would have nearly its impact if it was a prose story.
It's what comics are all about.
	It's a sad, but ultimately uplifting story, and I couldn't recommend
it more. I urge any of you that haven't tried this comic to do so. I had my
doubts about it, even after reading the first issue, but in just a few short
months, it's risen to become my second favorite regular DC title (right after
SWAMP THING, of course).


MIRACLEMAN #6		[Eclipse, $.95]			C-

	Two years ago, the Marvelman series in WARRIOR went into suspended
animation, awaiting among other things, the trademark hassles with Marvel
Comics over the title. What was *really* frustrating was that it left things
on an incredible cliff-hanger as Mike Moran was introduced to Marveldog.
	Now, we finally get up to that point in these reprints, and continue
on with the story. Unfortunately, it's a bit of a let-down. Perhaps it was
the built-up suspense, but hte new material just doesn't hold up that well
next to the reprinted story. Perhaps it's just that new artist Chuck Beckum
isn't as smooth a storyteller as Alan Davis. I don't quite believe that,
since Beckum drew a story for the latest ALIEN ENCOUNTERS that was quite sat-
isfactory. Maybe he and Moore just need to get into (back into in the case of
Moore) the swing of things with the character and story.


THE TWISTED TALES OF BRUCE JONES #1-2	[Eclipse, mini-series, $1.75]	C-/D+

	Most of you probably know Bruce Jones solely as a writer for Pacific
and Eclipse Comics, most notably ALIEN WORLDS, TWISTED TALES, and SOMERSET
HOLMES, and possibly KA-ZAR for Marvel. Older fans like me also remember that
Jones is a fairly accomplished artist, one of a crowd of young turks in the
late 60's/early 70's that also included such folks as Berni Wrightson, Jeff
Jones, and Mike Kaluta. I always thought Bruce Jones was a talented artist,
and though it a shame that he stuck almost exclusively to writing for the
past five or so years. These two issues [oddly enough, the first is marked
"1 of 2" and the second "2 of 4"] showcase a number of stories, old and new,
both written and drawn by Jones. They encompass science fiction, fantasy,
horror, and satire.
	Quality-wise, it's still a rather mixed bag. The art is the the
real strength of the books, as he uses a few different styles. The older
material bears a great resemblence to Al Williamson, while the newer stuff
--- somewhat disappointingly sketchy --- has a style of its own.
	The stories, however, are much like those in ALIEN WORLDS and
TWISTED TALES: quite trite and inconsequential. If you've read any sf or
horror anthology comics, you'll figure out how almost all of them end.
If you liked the two above-mentioned anthology comics, you'll probably
like this series. Otherwise, you can probably skip it. Even while I like
Bruce Jones' art, I don't think it's quite good enough to be worth buying
these comics for it alone.


THE UNCANNY X-MEN #206		[Marvel, $.75]		D+

	Just another duke-out with the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants---oh,
excuse me---Freedom Force. And I think JRJR is bound and determined to turn
all of the X-Women into new wave punks --- this time it's Kitty's turn.
	What intrigued me about this issue was a possibility that is brought
up in the story. In one scene, Lt. Bree Morrel of the San Francisco Police
pretty much offers the X-Men a home in SF. For reasons I won't get into here
(basicly because I'd have to retell the story), they decline the invite. I
think this is a shame, and I wish Claremont would reconsider. Moving the
X-Men to Frisco would be a good move for the following reasons:
	(1) With Xavier gone, there really isn't anything to tie them down
to the mansion. And since they still aren't too comfortable with Magneto,
moving seems like a workable solution. Storm could still keep in touch with
Magneto to keep an eye of the Newties' progress, and perhaps Magneto could
even use his powers to help them build an equipped  headquarters in SF. If
nothing else, it would relieve the necessity of coordinating the continuity
between THE X-MEN and THE NEWTIES (which Claremont is doing a bad job of
anyways).
	(2) Going by this and some previous issues, SF not only seems to
accept the X-Men, despite their being mutants, but it seems to welcome them.
The idea of a major American city being in support of mutants could have
interesting repercussions in this whole "Mutant Menace" business that's
permeating Marvel Earth. This could well present the shot in the arm that
this book desperately needs.

--- jayembee (Jerry Boyajian, DEC, Acton-Nagog, MA)

UUCP:	{decvax|ihnp4|allegra|ucbvax|...}
	!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-akov68!boyajian
ARPA:	boyajian%akov68.DEC@DECWRL.DEC.COM

moriarty@fluke.UUCP (The Napoleon of Crime) (03/09/86)

It's nice to have someone else's reviews to respond to...

>BLUE BEETLE #1		[DC, $.75]		C-
>
>	A lot of writers could take lesson in plotting from this issue;
>Len Wein gives us a text-book example here, and it makes for fascinating
>reading just for this reason. I'll probably stick with this for a little
>while, but unless BB acquires some distinguishing characteristics, to set
>him apart from the other super-heroes, I can't see keeping with this one
>for too long.

I agree with your analysis of the plotting, but I think the real thing
keeping me to this book is the art by Paris and Patterson.  As long as they
stick around, I probably will too (unless the scripts get much worse...).
This is the kind of book that NEEDS good art, because the story just doesn't
have the "oomph" to carry itself otherwise.

>THE GREEN LANTERN CORPS #201		[DC, $.75]		D+
>
>	While I like the basic idea of the book focusing on the Corps, and
>not just Hal Jordan and/or John Stewart, I'm not sure I like the direction
>Englehart seems to be taking it in. We shall see.

Agreed here, also, though Englehart's pervious issues will keep me glued to
this book for a little while longer.  I just hope that the personal lives of
the main characters don't get lost in the shuffle of all the characters.
And let's not get into cutesy-aliens or another ALIEN LEGION clone, huh,
guys?
This book had the stamp of Ambush Bug's guardian angel all over it -- "team
books sell!"

>'MAZING MAN #6		[DC, $,75]		"Brenda's Story": B+
>
[Re: "Brenda's story"]
>	It's a sad, but ultimately uplifting story, and I couldn't recommend
>it more. I urge any of you that haven't tried this comic to do so. I had my
>doubts about it, even after reading the first issue, but in just a few short
>months, it's risen to become my second favorite regular DC title (right after
>SWAMP THING, of course).

Really have to disagree here; I like this comic's basis and some of it's
style, but not enough to regularly buy it.  However, went out and got this
issue and read "Brenda's Story"... and didn't find anything particularly
facinating or innovative in it.  Especially in it's presentation, which from
Jerry's review I was expecting something really well-done.  It isn't bad, or
even fair; it's just a solid story coming from a comic which specializes in
solid stories.  It's the kind of drama you don't often see in comics, true;
but I've seen this story done in several other mediums several different
ways, and I didn't think the conversion to comics was very fruitful.

>THE UNCANNY X-MEN #206		[Marvel, $.75]		D+
>
>	Just another duke-out with the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants---oh,
>excuse me---Freedom Force. And I think JRJR is bound and determined to turn
>all of the X-Women into new wave punks --- this time it's Kitty's turn.

Right on the nose.  Not to mention Claremont seems to be trying to
excommunicate the male members of the X-Men... and Kurt is being portrayed
as a chump.  How does Peter feel about all this decadent fashionware going
on around him?  Last question:  How did Amanda Sefton go from being on a 747
bound for LA to a San Francisco hospital in the space of 6 or 7 hours?  Must
have been one hell of a commute...

>	What intrigued me about this issue was a possibility that is brought
>up in the story. In one scene, Lt. Bree Morrel of the San Francisco Police
>pretty much offers the X-Men a home in SF. For reasons I won't get into here
>(basicly because I'd have to retell the story), they decline the invite. I
>think this is a shame, and I wish Claremont would reconsider. 

So do I; however, I wonder if Big Jim didn't want them "isolated" out there
on the West Coast where they couldn't easily team-up with other characters...

			"I *SAID* I LOVE ALL MANKIND **DAMMIT**!!"

                                        Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer
ARPA: fluke!moriarty@uw-beaver.ARPA
UUCP: {uw-beaver, sun, allegra, sb6, lbl-csam}!fluke!moriarty
<*> DISCLAIMER: Do what you want with me, but leave my employers alone! <*>