jnw@uvacs.UUCP (05/19/84)
[Joe Bike V2#2 - Why do those bikies look like a buncha fairies?] Joe Bike is not one of those strong-man steroid queen types, but he's no pussy willow neither. When he first started riding a bike, he couldn't see imitatin' those pinko commie bike riders wearing all those funny colored shirts and those dang faggy tight black bermuda shorts. And the way those guys would walk into a country store, you just knew they weren't there ta buy a tin of Skoal. I mean, what's all this tippy-toein' around goin' clik-clak clik-clak. Joe Bike thought he was better'n that. He's no commie wimp. That was, Joe Bike figgered that until he started ridin' around outside of town and would see these weirdos out there ridin' -- FAST -- passin' Joe Bike like he was standin' still. (These were the days before Joe Bike became Joe 'Bike,' mind you.) That was when The Way of the true bikie started to take root, first as a little seed of discontent, eventually blossoming into full special-interest-group-member-hood. What were the ways of the true bikie that were revealed to Joe Bike? He'll let you in on a few today, in particular those dealin' with apparel. Shoes -- where the feet hit the metal. Lotta people talkin' about this one lately. I know when I first started ridin' I tried to wear runnin' shoes on my bike. Well that's about as dumb as tryin' to run in bikin' shoes. Would you run a marathon in Sidis or Duegis? Course not! If you ride down to the liquor store once a month to get your exercise, I don't think you need bike shoes. If you ride to work a few miles every day, you might benefit from some kinda bikin' shoe with no cleats. If you're ridin' out of town more'n about 25 miles at a clip, then you're wantin' some kinda bike shoe. If you want speed and comfort on your bike go for cleats. If you're only gonna look at the scenery, who needs 'em? Just go cleatless. Sure enough, if you wear cleats you look like a faggot walkin in the country store, but if you're tough as you think you are, nobody'll give you no grief. People who belly-ache about how dangerous cleats and toe straps are just never figgered out how to use 'em properly. By the way, if you have leather shoes, shine 'em. It'll protect the leather and make 'em look nicer for when you're goin' on a job interview. Trou -- where the seat hits the seat. Those funny tight little black bermuda short lookin' things are pretty neat. Joe Bike got real sore ridin' from his house down to the buddin' metropolis of Panacea one day. He went down to the bike shop an' got him some a those funny little chamois (didn't think I could spell it did ya) lined shorts. The great controversy of course is whether or not to wear underwear with your bike shorts. Joe Bike's word - don't. Ya ain't supposed to. Honest. Don't let that chamois go to waste makin' your undershorts feel good, use it on yourself! Shirt -- where the chest hits the wind. Sure, you may look like an advertisement for Italian Ice Cream, but those little pockets in the back are a nice place to put bananas, oatmeal cookies, BeeBo Bingles, or whatever it is that fires up your boiler. Let's face it, bike jerseys are not controversial, so Joe Bike don't have much to jaw about here. Hat and Gloves -- Joe Bike doesn't like to go out underdressed. He always takes along his hat and gloves. As you may know already, Joe Bike likes the hardshell variety hat since the others, though useful, basically suck rocks. And a pair of gloves completes the scene. (I don't know why I don't get a discount at my store cause the one's I buy have the fingers chopped off.) A long time ago, I tumped over while ridin' my bike. I looked down at my gloves and saw scratches all over 'em. I decided I'd better keep wearin' em. Well, I guess I've given just about as much fashion advice as you can stomach, so I'll cut it short here. Just keep on ridin' Joe Bike Charlottesville, Virginia USENET: ...uvacs!jnw CSNET: jnw@uvacs ARPANET: jnw.uvacs@csnet-relay