inc@fluke.UUCP (Pritchard Z. Malevolence) (07/09/85)
Dear Judge Moriarty Wapner,
I'm sending this to see if I have a case that I can bring to Stupid People's
Court, and to find out how the whole thing works. Here's the story:
An AI project with whom I have until now been good friends, recently started
making snide comments about the family of hamsters I'm raising in my upper
left desk drawer. Then last week, I found one of the little buggers
completely DEAD, rigor mortised even. That was one of the new litter, so I
didn't mind so much, but when I found the grandfather in the same sorry
state, I became suspicious and performed an autopsy. I found that it had
been slowly poisoned over several weeks time by a combination of strychnine
and peanut butter. Now all the strychnine and peanut butter we have here at
ACE T&B is in storage, and only AI projects have access to the vault.
Now here are my questions:
-Can I get this case tried in SPC?
-Do I have to appear in person, or can I send an actor?
-If I lose, can I give the wimp my own list of questions, or will I have
to answer the ones your writers make up?
- What is a reasonable amount for your bribe?
Thank you ever so sincerely,
--
/s/ Pritchard Z. Malevolence,
Assistant Dispatcher,
Ace Trucking and Buglemoriarty@fluke.UUCP (Judge Moriarty Wapner) (07/09/85)
In article <640@tpvax.fluke.UUCP> inc@fluke.UUCP (Pritchard Z. Malevolence) asks me to judge the case of a malignant AI case. As he well should know, I pick the cases I judge (few cases are totally lacking in Stupidity, so I have a wide selection); the circumstances for acceptance are generally due to level of Stupidity, the accused's position in the Scheme of Things (e.g. Presidents, Captains of Industry, Larry Kim and David Letterman get picked on more frequently than others), and the amount of the bribe. However, since you're in charge of the manuals for my project, I decided I'd better look into this one. On review of the facts, I've decided: > -Can I get this case tried in SPC? Not until Dec 15th, 1993. The docket is amazing, and I'm into some serious flirting these days. Besides, fella, I've got *movie reviews* to write! > -Do I have to appear in person, or can I send an actor? Ha! Trying to capture me with a trick question, eh? I see through your little diversion as if it were rice paper. Since when is an AI project a person? And if it is not a person, how can you send an actor (other than Robin Williams) to portray it? And Ipso Quo Quid, wouldn't this ruin the intrinshi... intronshi... the God-Given integrity of this court? Of course not! Ha! you fell into my little legal trap! Because Ken Ardnt is an AI project, my *previous* arguement is invalidated! Ha! Can't beat the Transitive Law of Law! Ha! Next question! > -If I lose, can I give the wimp my own list of questions, or will I have > to answer the ones your writers make up? I don't use writers. I use authors. They cost less per dozen. > - What is a reasonable amount for your bribe? Send me these questions by mail. I much funnier in the afternoon by mail (hey, kids, before answering this, remember, this is NOT net.flame! A Public Service message...). "Don't embarrass us." "Have I ever?" If he's not one thing, he's another. ---> Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer John Fluke Mfg. Co., Inc. UUCP: {cornell,decvax,ihnp4,sdcsvax,tektronix,utcsri}!uw-beaver \ {allegra,gatech!sb1,hplabs!lbl-csam,decwrl!sun,ssc-vax} -- !fluke!moriarty ARPA: fluke!moriarty@uw-beaver.ARPA
davew@shark.UUCP (Dave Williams) (07/12/85)
Dear Judge Wapner,
Congradulations on becoming your own newsgroup. That's really bizarre.
This is the best thing to happen to the net since Ken Arndt met Sunny
Kirsten in net.singles, or was it Frank Adrian met Stargate, well,no matter.
Keep up the adequate work and write often.
Respectfully,
An Admirer
Snerd's Pier, Oregon
--
Dave Williams
Tektronix, Inc.
Graphic Workstations Division
"The 6000 Family"
"The workstations that made
Wilsonville famous."