bjg@im4u.UUCP (08/11/85)
[That sentence doesn't have six words. That sentence has six words.]
#### THE FINAL CHAPTER....
The patient screamed. The nurses rushed into the room, shaking
the patient out of his nightmare. Since the patient was sleeping in the
middle of the day, the doctor was able to see the patient.
"Huh? Wha?"
The doctor said,"It's alright. You were just having a nightmare of
sorts."
"Wow. What a scary thought."
"Can you tell me what it was about?"
"Really bizarre. I posted a nice poem on net.bizarre and I started to
flame myself right and left. I ended up with me meeting me in a hotel
eating fajitas and then...."
"What?"
"A big explosion. Then nothing. I couldn't see a thing."
At this moment bj walks in the room.
"How are you doing today?"
The patient yells, "GO AWAY! GET OUT! We don't have anything
more to say!"
The doctor motions bj to step out in the hall. "I'll throw him off
of the grounds. You just relax."
The patient responds "O.K."
In the hall, bj asks "Is John O.K.?"
The doctor says, "It's gotten worse. Not only does he thinks that he
is you, but he now has 2 copies of you running all over Austin eating
fajitas."
"Anything I can do?"
"Well, I made a tape of his dreams. Apparently he talks quite clearly
in his sleep. Listen to this and see if you can make any sense out of it."
"O.K. I'll see you later."
bj takes the tape, walks out of the hospital and plays it in his
320i. He drives towards the west with the setting sun in the background.
The camera pans upwards and does a slow fade. The credits roll on the
screen.
At the end of the movie, bj turns to John and says
"Well, whatcha think about that?"
John replies, "I liked the ending. Especially the 2 neat little
twists."
"Yeah, it was getting hard to tell who was bj."
"What was the revelance of the explosion?"
"Perhaps it was a subtle message about nuclear war. Perhaps it
was a symbol of awareness. Perhaps...."
bj never finishes the sentence. bj and John are both killed when
they were run over by a pickup truck driven by a drunk driver. And there is
no moral to this story. Only people.
With these final words, John rings the doorbell. bj answers.
"Hey, how's my favorite author doing?"
"The book is finished", beams bj. "Here's the last chapter."
"Let me see it." John reads the chapter that bj had just typed
and says "Hmmm. All of these endings. Do you think anyone can follow
this mess?"
"Sure, why not?"
"And another thing. You seem to enjoy killing off your main
characters at the end of the story. I don't suppose that you're going to
write another story where the main character is killed by a nuclear
explosion."
"Hey, what a great idea! Let me get started on it."
But as bj reaches for his favorite Cross pen, a nuclear explosion
occurs, destroying most of the world and killing both bj and John.
"And this is why we have left the planet Earth."
"Really, Teacher?"
"Yes. People down there had the notion that by making lots and lots
of weapons, it'll scare each other not to use them. Of course, they
couldn't take computer error and kamikazie warriors into account."
"That's true, Teacher."
"Pupil, you have passed all of the rituals and you are now ready to
become a man."
The Teacher escorts the Pupil to the Board where the Teacher tells
them of the Pupil's progress. The Board agrees with the Teacher's
recommendation and now dubs the Pupil as a man.
"You can now be called John. And you can call other men by their
adult names rather than Teacher."
"What is yours?"
"bj."
So bj was in the room down in Painter Hall where he saw this printed
on the screen. He hits John.
"HA! My text generation program does work too! It's wonderful. It's
incredible. It's fantastic."
"It's bizarre. If you're really proud of this, you ought to post
it on the net. Hey! Don't they have something called net.bizarre for
such items?"
"Oooh! That's right. Let me do this then:
im4u% Pnews
.
.
."
And the rest is net history.
FINALLY,
bj
--
Mermaids. Carrots. Polyhedra. They all mean one thing in Pascal: bj.
bart j. geraci is found at:
bjg@im4u.UUCP bjg@ut-sally.{UUCP,ARPA}
{ctvax,gatech,harvard,ihnp4,seismo}!ut-sally!bjg