inc@fluke.UUCP (Ensign Benson, Time Cadet) (08/31/85)
*** ERCYNPR GUVF YVAR JVGU LBHE ZRFFNTR *** In net.legal article 509, Jeff McQuinn writes: > GREETINGS: > > YOU ARE SUMMONED ... > > Well that's how it started and the bottom line is that I've been selected > for jury duty. I'm looking forward to it because I've never been on > jury duty. I've got some questions that perhaps some experienced jurist > out there can answer. > > 1.) The summons referred to serving as a PETIT jurist. What is a PETIT > jurist (as opposed to any other kind)? Ahyup, there are two varieties of jurist: the PETIT (or TINY) kind, and the GRANDE (or HUGE) species. The little fellas are only allowed to hang out in the waiting room killing time with books. The big ones have to actually decide criminal cases. However, hardware engineers are only selected for PETIT duty. > 2.) I'm a hardware engineer, will that have any bearing on whether I'm > actually selected to sit on a jury? It certainly will. No self-respecting jury these days wants a hardware engineer to sit on them. Unless you pad your rump, that is. > 3.) Someone told me to bring a good book to kill time, does anyone have > any other advice? a) Don't use a book to kill time -- bring fruit flies. Fruit flies kill time like an arrow. (If sterilized, they are also effective at reducing the population of time flies.) b) Bring a new toothbrush engraved with your name in case you are sequestered. Many people don't plan ahead, and sometimes juries get into toothbrush fracasses once mungmouth sets in. c) If you have occasion to speak to the judge, call her (or him) "Your Honor" rather than "Your Holiness", "Your Majesty", or "Honorable Mention". One caveat, however -- if the letters W, A, P, N, E, or R appear in his name, use the honorific "Hey Sludgehead". Hope that helps. -- Ensign Benson -Time Cadet- _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-The Digital Circus, Sector R-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
moriarty@fluke.UUCP (Judge Moriarty Wapner) (09/03/85)
In article <684@tpvax.fluke.UUCP> inc@fluke.UUCP (Ensign Benson, Time Cadet) writes: >c) If you have occasion to speak to the judge, call her (or him) "Your Honor" > rather than "Your Holiness", "Your Majesty", or "Honorable Mention". One > caveat, however -- if the letters W, A, P, N, E, or R appear in his name, > use the honorific "Hey Sludgehead". > That's MR. Sludgehead to you, Gary (just because he's our technical writer, doesn't mean he gets to take liberties...) If you've got a flame, don't take it to the net. Take it to court. ****** STUPID PEOPLE'S COURT!! ****** Judge Moriarty Wapner Stupid People's Court ARPA: fluke!moriarty@uw-beaver.ARPA UUCP: {uw-beaver, sun, allegra, sb1, lbl-csam}!fluke!moriarty