al@mot.UUCP (Al Filipski) (09/06/85)
One hot day last Summer I was sitting on my back patio drinking a
gin and tonic when I saw on the ground a faint white ring about 4 inches in
diameter. At the center was a small white lump. Ants were scurrying around
and having at it. At first I thought the lump was a piece of a Mounds bar
sans chocolate skin. But what was the ring? A fairy ring? Some hitherto
undiscovered phenomenon? Upon closer inspection I saw that the ants were
biting off little crumbs of the central lump, carrying them to the ring
and depositing them there. The ring was composed of the same substance as
the central lump. In the true scientific spirit I took a stick and poked the
lump. It was not coconut, but styrofoam. I conjecture that the styrofoam
for some reason known only to ants smelled enough like food that they began
to carry it off. When they got a good taste of it, though, they decided it
wasn't so hot and spit it out. Now, the ant says to herself, "Foo! Now,
let's see, what was I doing? Oh Yes, gathering food. Aha! Here's some." and
returns to the lump and an infinite loop. Anyway, I took the styrofoam away,
put a piece of Hostess Twinkie in its place and addressed the ants, "O fond
pismires, far better booteth it to partake of this proferred sweetmeat and
eschew such utterly worthless victuals as ye had formerly; for in thy
impetuous zeal thou hadst seized upon a wretched morsel. With this boon
there shall be joyous dancing in thine emmet halls and thy descendents shall
wax fat unto the fifth generation." (This is the way you have to talk to ants.)
Well, they thanked me (although I thought I saw one of them wince at my
mixture of singular and plural forms of address) and that was that.
This is all true. If you don't believe me I have proof: I still have
the lump of styrofoam in my desk drawer.
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Alan Filipski, UNIX group, Motorola Microsystems, Tempe, AZ U.S.A
{seismo|ihnp4}!ut-sally!oakhill!mot!al
ucbvax!arizona!asuvax!mot!al
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DISCLAIMER: Any opinions expressed above are not necessarily the wampeters
of any karass, false karass, or granfaloon of which I am a member.jer@peora.UUCP (J. Eric Roskos) (09/18/85)
> "O fond pismires, far better booteth it to partake of this proferred > sweetmeat and eschew such utterly worthless victuals as ye had formerly; > for in thy impetuous zeal thou hadst seized upon a wretched morsel. With > this boon there shall be joyous dancing in thine emmet halls and thy > descendents shall wax fat unto the fifth generation." I believe you. The theoretical physicist, Richard P. Feynman ("one of my heroes, next to Esther Dyson, Kate Bush, and Porky Pine"*) did an experiment with this, which he writes about in his memoirs, in which he caused ants to go in a circle by carefully directing them around so that they left the trail which other ants follow in a circular pattern. He did other interesting experiments on the curve-smoothing algorithm of ants, which you may read about in his book. I think the chapter in which this is described is called "Testing Bloodhounds," if I am not mistaken. Furthermore, I have read of an even more bizarre experiment, by someone I can't remember, who "programmed" some other insect (maybe it was ants too... I can't remember now, but I think maybe it was caterpillars) to go around a flowerpot rim. He reported that, once started in this way, they went on and on nonstop around the flowerpot for more than a day, until he began to feel compassionate and pointed them in a different direction, knowing that otherwise they would soon starve from going around and around the flowerpot rim endlessly like this. (I wish I could remember where I read it.) * This may not be my opinion, outside of net.bizarre. PS - I am not Doug Alan. -- Shyy-Anzr: J. Eric Roskos UUCP: Ofc: ..!{decvax,ucbvax,ihnp4}!vax135!petsd!peora!jer Home: ..!{decvax,ucbvax,ihnp4}!vax135!petsd!peora!jerpc!jer US Mail: MS 795; Perkin-Elmer SDC; 2486 Sand Lake Road, Orlando, FL 32809-7642