crandell@ut-sally.UUCP (Jim Crandell) (09/10/85)
[This could be Bizzarre Gazzette material, except that it's not news
(at least by most standards), since it happened a few years ago.
But it was a good story, if you like this sort of thing.]
There was a certain kennelman who did a fair amount of breeding
(got too familiar, that's what it was), and not necessarily on the side.
In fact, I sorta think he was a breeder who ran a kennel on the side.
(Actually, the kennel may have been in back, and not on the side at all.
I've forgotten. But who gives a flip, anyway?) This guy raised,
among other things, black Labs. On Saturday nights, he probably found
something else to raise, and if I had to guess, I'd guess it probably
didn't have much to do with dogs, possibly excepting the rather natural
association one might be inclined to note upon recognizing that dogs have
been known to raise a little of their own, now and then. But I'm guessing.
Anyhow, one of the black Labs, a youngster of about six months or so,
began to feel poorly one day. Off his feed an' stuff like that. And he
sounded sorta funny when he walked. The breeder did the sensible thing
and took the poor pup to the vet. The doc put the sick pooch on the
examining table, looked him over carefully, and prodded his underside
in a few revealing places, eventually suggesting that the dog's midsection
ought to be X-rayed.
Now, it's an odd coincidence, but the breeder had noticed something mighty
strange going on around the kennel over the past several days. Anyone
who runs a business like that can tell you that you need a certain amount
of security in your physical plant; there are numerous things that you
just have to lock up. This ol' boy's primary defense against the problems
which occasion that state of affairs consisted of a collection of good old
solid brass padlocks, diligently applied. What was strange was that a few
of the locks had disappeared, and the breeder just couldn't figure out
where they were going. He felt that he knew all the people who worked
for him well enough to rule out one obvious possibility, and the prospect
of outside pilferage didn't seem very likely, either. The locks weren't
being removed from locked doors; the ones that vanished were always idle
at the time, and generally not locked. Another unusual aspect of the
crimes was that the keys were never stolen. This was especially hard
to explain, because as I recall, the place was nowhere near College
Station.
Meanwhile, back at the vet clinic, the doc had hauled the unfortunate
animal into an adjoining room and strapped him down (or whatever it is
they do with them) between the X-ray machine and a film frame. A
couple of exposures and a processing operation later, the vet squinted
at the films and laid the mystery to rest, confirming everyone's worst
suspicions. Next stop: the operating room.
It seems there are some things a stomach pump just shouldn't be expected
to do, and a surgeon has to do some of them. The vet slithered the
pup's belly open and, over the course of several minutes, proceeded to
remove -- let's see now, how many were there? -- at least seven or eight
solid brass padlocks from it. The operation came off without a hitch
and the poor Lab didn't feel a thing (well, at least he didn't say
anything about it). The vet, as I recall, didn't attempt to postulate
an explanation for the dog's odd behavior. A dietary defiency of copper
seemed, he thought, rather implausible. The breeder's explanation, on
the other hand, made quite a bit of sense, at least to a dog. ``He
just liked the way they chew,'' the kennelman reflected, ``and when
he'd get tired of chewin' one, he'd swallow it.''
--
Jim Crandell, C. S. Dept., The University of Texas at Austin
{ihnp4,seismo,ctvax}!ut-sally!crandellwmartin@brl-tgr.ARPA (Will Martin ) (09/11/85)
My sister-in-law's big Old English Sheepdog ate: At least one light bulb A candle a plumber was using; he set it down and turned his back -- when he reached for it again the dog had gotten it. A banana, whole, complete with skin probably more odd things that I don't recall or wasn't told of. Dog is dead now, but did *not* die of a dietary-related problem, amazingly enough... Will
jjs@cbdkc1.UUCP ( Jeff Sager x5265 JSL ) (09/12/85)
In message <2858@ut-sally.UUCP>, crandell@ut-sally.UUCP (Jim Crandell) writes about a dog story: >Anyhow, one of the black Labs, a youngster of about six months or so, >began to feel poorly one day.... ... >solid brass padlocks, diligently applied. What was strange was that a few >of the locks had disappeared... ... >...the vet squinted >at the [x-rays] and laid the mystery to rest, confirming everyone's worst >suspicions. Next stop: the operating room. Oh My!! How uncouth... Didn't the puppy know enough to at least have bagels and cream-cheese with his *locks*?!?!?!?! Jeff Sager, AT&T, Columbus Ohio cbdkc1!jjs
callele@sask.UUCP (David Callele) (09/20/85)
I've got this rather weird little dog at home. It seems that he is a cross between a Labrador (maternal) and Chihuahua (paternal). How you say? The mother was kept chained to the front step while the owners were at work during the day and the father just happened to be wanderin by. Taking advantage of the situation he used the steps to mount the mother - ingenuity at it's finest! Imagine if you will a Chihuahua with Labrador fur only - no Chihuahua tufts, and Labrador shaped feet. He looks rather like an overgrown weasel that has been given a dye job and fattened up. Nice dog but he suffers from a monumental insecurity problem - wouldn't you? By the way I loved the reposting of the Wombat news, much more interesting than architectures. David J. Callele Living and loving in the frozen North
hosking@convexs.UUCP (09/21/85)
(Written 2:50 pm Sep 11, 1985 by wmartin@brl-tgr.ARPA in convexs:net.bizarre) > My sister-in-law's big Old English Sheepdog ate: > > At least one light bulb > ... > probably more odd things that I don't recall or wasn't told of. Reminds me of a time many years ago when I delivered newspapers. One of my customers had a LARGE St. Bernard, and a 3 year old daughter. I went to collect one day, and found Holly sitting on the front porch crying her eyes out. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me that the dog had eaten her (fairly large) doll. The next week, I asked the girl's mother if the dog was OK after eating such an unusual meal. She said it seemed to be OK then, but she wasn't sure any more. A loaf of bread, plastic wrapper and all, had disappeared from the kitchen table a few hours ago, and the dog looked sick. Doug Hosking Convex Computer Corp. Richardson, TX {allegra, ihnp4, uiucdcs}!convex!hosking