brian@sdcsvax.UUCP (Brian Kantor) (08/30/85)
Some sort of apologies to those of you who already know about wombats.
But another semester begins Monday, and the poor innocent students who
have never been inculturated with the Light Of The World - the faithful
net mascot --- the WOMBAT --- need enlightenment.
Forthwith, gaze upon the glory of the wombat, and weep as did Caesar
when he beheld the glory of Egypt... for here are the collected
writings of the learned sages of the network upon their gloried WOMBAT.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: bts@unc.UUCP (Bruce Smith)
The following is taken from a "Story Card" sent by a friend
home to Australia for the holidays. I hope you're reading
this, unc!tim.
AUSTRALIAN WOMBAT
(Vombatus hirsutus)
These slow and ponderous marsupials are still plentiful
in the forests of Eastern Australia. They live on grasses
and roots and have only a single pair of upper and lower
incisors. As all teeth are rootless, continuous growth
prevents them from being ground away.
Wombats are speedy diggers and live in deep burrows
some 5 metres long. They breed in early winter, the single
off-spring being carried in the pouch until December.
These solitary, innofensive animals are of gentle
disposition and have been known to become affectionate pets.
Wombats are partially protected under the Wildlife Act
of 1975.
_____________________________________
Bruce Smith, UNC-Chapel Hill
decvax!duke!unc!bts (USENET)
bts.unc@CSnet-Relay (lesser NETworks)
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!linus!utzoo!utcsstat!laura
Poor Tim. he has obviously not seen the light about wombats. Note that
I am being perfectly open-minded about this and will only paraphrase and
quote Tim out of context to make him look like a fool.
Tim's "spiffy new indentation style" sucks dead worms through a straw.
Besides, he submitted something to some technical group like net.lang.c
where he used a return statement AND USED SUPERFLUOUS BRACKETS!
AND EXTRA WHITESPACE! And if you can't tell how this has any conceivable
relevance to his dislike of wombats then you obviously don't love your
wombats enough and that is all that can be said. This, of course, is
one of the great advantages to loving wombats -- if you love them enough
you will never have to worry about minor things such as your arguments
having logical inconsistancies that Hannibal could drive the elephants
through. Or ending sentences with prepositions. Or incomplete sentences.
But back to Tim.
Oh, come on now.
A suggestive way to begin, is that not?
The burrowing may start in Adelaide, but where does it
end? In Hell, no place else! Yes, that's right, wombats are agents of
Satan.
Note that Tim has used a sentence which contains the capital letter 'I'
followed by a sentence which contains the phrase 'agent of Satan'
(well, actually, it's 'agents', but don't let a little thing like
accuracy get in your way). I trust that none of you would be so
deluded as to think that I am reading anything into this when I
state that I have used this to reveal Tim's true colours because I
have an axe to grind.
All of this protesting about Satan -- methink the man doth protest too
much! As they said in "Life of Brian" -- "Only the true Messiah denies
his Messiahood". (and if you notice that Tim hasn't said anything about
Messiahs or denied anything I will beam you with my holy gourd.)
However, I have even more proof that Tim is the real Satanist here.
First an empirical proof (well, actually it's not but the word
sounds nice). Tim accuses me of typographical errors! Fool!
Does he deny that i have been given the curse of typographical
errors to demonstrate the pure, unsullied nature of wombats! You
don't catch them making typographical errors, now, do you!! What
more proof do you need?
However, for those that still doubt, I have a scientific proof that Tim
is a Satanist. I took his article and carefully edited out those lines which
were quotes of what I had said previously. (I didn't want to get contaminated
by the Holy Experiment, after all.) Then I ran a sed script on them, and
looked for the letters "S", "a", "t", and "n". Do you know what I found?
3 capital "A"s,
3 capital "N"s,
3 capital "S"s,
3 capital "T"s,
(very suspicious, that...)
83 "a"s,
74 "n"s,
82 "s"s,
and 122 "t"s!
Have you any idea how many times you can spell Satan with these letters!
(right -- as many times as you can spell Santa with these letters.)
There is still hope for you Tim, though. Even Satanists can learn how
to love wombats and be forgiven.
laura creighton (wombat lover)
utzoo!utcsstat!laura
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!wxlvax!dann
An apropos quotation loosely ripped off from the Song of Marsupial
Fandom, author forgotten:
Never bother a wombat, cause then he'll fight back,
And no one can live through a wombat attack,
Oh can you imagine a sorrier scene,
Then bugging a wombat until he turns mean?
Don't say you weren't warned...
dann
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!ulysses!mhuxl!houxm!ihnp4!ihuxs!okie
I've been carefully neutral (as opposed to carelessly neutral?) on this
wombat issue. But watching the interplay -- nay, the battle -- between
Laura and Tim has pierced me to the heart. I find I must take a stand.
I have to decide. To wombat or not to wombat, that is the issue. And
not only that, but it's time I put forth some effort for the side to
which I now pledge my allegiance...
WOMBAT OMNIA VINCET (or somethin' like that) !!!!!
I've chosen the mark of the wombat (and will wear it proudly, in secret)
after careful consideration of the issues. What finally swung me over to
the wombat camp was the well-thought-out, logical, tremendously useless
(but cute) set of arguments delivered by Laura. Tim's arguments had merit,
I will admit (reluctantly, at gunpoint, under great duress), but not enough.
I refuse to believe that wombats are satanists. Commies, maybe. But "the
burden of proof rests with you" (sound familiar, Tim?).
So where do we go from here? Let's get some wombats on Today, Good Morning
America, and the CBS Morning News. Let's blitz the media! Let's get 'em
on Donahue, Hour Magazine, and PM Magazine. Heck, why stop there? How
about a couple as guest stars on "The Love Boat"? Think of the possibilities
inherent in the combination of two wombats, a Gopher, and all those asses!
And what about a guest shot on "The A-Team?" And maybe a new series --
"Wombatman!" And...
(taken off, gibbering, down the hall,
wondering what got me started,
B.K. Cobb
AT&T Bell Laboratories, Naperville, IL
ihnp4!ihuxs!okie
no listing in the real world)
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!genrad!security!linus!utzoo!utcsrgv!spoo
That was weird.
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!ulysses!mhuxl!ihnp4!ihuxq!amigo2
Right on, Laura!!!!!!!!!!?!!!
Get those dirty satanist wombat haters in North Carolina! You have
opened my eyes to the true nature of unc!tim, and his evil schemes
to rid the world of a cute, cuddly, innoffensive creature. Indeed,
I now see that what unc!tim is really after is to rid the world of
all animals and humans. He is just starting with wombats, since
wombats cannot fight back (and he has been succeeding--I'll bet
that there are less than a dozen live wombats in either North or
South Carolina); if he manages to get rid of the wombats, I expect
that we will see mushroom clouds over Toronto and the Red Hordes
overpowering Naperville.
PER OMNIA SAECULA VOMBATIDAE
John Hobson
AT&T Bell Labs
Naperville, IL
(312) 979-7293
ihnp4!ihuxq!amigo2
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!genrad!grkermit!masscomp!trb
Aren't wombats those evil high school kids who break into our
government's highly important computers and sell coveted microchips to
the Russians? I don't like wombats. They're not American. Are
they? Oh. no. Wombats. They're flying mammalian write only memories.
Uteri with leathery wings?
I pity the fool who posts netnews about wombats. Pity the fool.
Andy Tannenbaum Masscomp Inc Westford MA (617) 692-6200 x274
(Mr. T) sorry, I'm in a silly mood.
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!ihnp4!we13!mgweed!rjk
This is folly. All of you listen to yourselves. Surely, you can see the
error in your ways; and you too, Laura. Wearing the mark of the wombat?
Give me a break. Count the number of letters: 6. You're going to wear
that? That's one third of *the* mark. Can you justify calling a wombat
a land or sea creature? If they're so innocent and lovable, how the hell
do they get logins? How to they post? How do they type? With their teeth?
Do you expect us to believe they have teeth? That's a beaver, damn it, not
a wombat. And I surely wouldn't eat a wombat, especially after hearing
tales of burrowing (Laura says borrowing) but you can't ignore the old
adage: "Neither a burrower nor a lander be." And how do they land? On
all fours, like cats and I hate cats. I have special attachments for my
garbage disposal and Osterizer to keep the cat hair from clogging. Hey,
What's a Wombat's hair like? Should I get another attachment or two?
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!ihnp4!inuxc!pur-ee!CS-Mordred!Pucc-H:aeq
As everyone knows, a WOMbat is a device for making quick repairs to
Write-Only Memory....
-- Jeff Sargent/...pur-ee!pucc-h:aeq
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!cca!g-rh
The bad news on Wombats is that it can be proved that they do
not exist, to wit:
Either Christianity is the true religion or is not. Suppose that it is
not. Then we must settle the question of the existence of wombats by
reason based on the evidence of our senses. I have never seen a wombat.
Ergo, they do not exist. Conversely, suppose that Christianity is the
true religion. Then all truth is contained in the Bible (the final
authoritative word of God on all subjects.) However the Bible does
not mention wombats; hence they do not exist. Q.E.D.
I trust that this meets the high standards for intellectual rigor of
submissions to the net.
Richard Harter
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!floyd!clyde!akgua!gatech!spaf
Personally, I happen to like wombats.
Broiled, with a bit of butter and garlic.
Whatever started this whole discussion? I think I missed the
original message during my return to Vega over the holidays.
--
Off the Wall of Gene Spafford
The Clouds Project, School of ICS, Georgia Tech, Atlanta GA 30332
CSNet: Spaf @ GATech ARPA: Spaf.GATech @ CSNet-Relay
uucp: ...!{akgua,allegra,rlgvax,sb1,unmvax,ulysses,ut-sally}!gatech!spaf
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!decwrl!sun!qubix!jdb
*
*
All of this commitment over wombats has finally convinced me. I went down to
my sport shop for a wombat, and made the mistake of admitting that I didnt know
how to use the wombat correctly because I have never played womball before. You
wouldn't believe how those elitist commies treated me from that point on.
:->
[Forbearance dear friends, it has been a long week here in the wombelfry.]
--
Dr Memory
...{decvax,ucbvax,ihnp4}!decwrl!qubix!jdb
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!ihnp4!ihuxl!esj
Obviously another Creationist! Let's tie him up, throw him in a lake,
and if he floats, BURN 'IM! (Or is it if he sinks?)
"Well, 'e turned me into a newt!"
ihnp4!ihuxl!esj
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!eagle!mhuxl!ihnp4!ihu1e!howardh
The argument between Laura and Tim is very amusing because,
you see, wombats do not exist. I shall demonstrate this by
giving a proof by contradiction.
(1) Assume wombats exist. If so, they must come in different
colors, e.g. godless red commie wombats, and heathen yellow wombats.
(2) However, I will now show that if wombats exist, they must be
all the same color. I offer the following proof by induction:
Base step:
A set consisting of only wombat contains only wombats of one color.
Induction step:
Given a set of N+1 wombats. Remove one wombat from this set.
The resulting singleton set contains only one wombat and obviously
it contains only wombats of one color. The resulting set of
size N (by hypothesis) contains only wombats of one color.
Therefore the original set of size N+1 contains wombats of
one color.
Extremal step:
If wombats were to exist, the set of all wombats would have to
be a denumerable set. I have discovered a truly remarkable
proof for this, however the margin of this screen is to small to
contain it.
(3) Therefore if wombats were to exist they would both have to be
all the same color and not all the same color. Since this
is a contradiction, the hypothesis that wombats exist is false.
I hope this is up to the usual high standards of reasoning and logic
I have seen in net.flame.
--
.
/|\ Another message sailing thru the net
/ | \ from
/ | \ Howard Hill
/ |___\ (312) 979-7212
*-----"------;
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!duke!mcnc!unc!bch
I have had enough! I must side with unc!tim on this issue of Wombats.
We are being infested with the perpetrators of Secular Dialectical
Wombatism who will be the undoing our morals, our faiths, our sexuality
and our hot tubs. The Insidious Conspiracy that has developed has
already challenged our natural right to 20-meter racing yachts and our
right to arm bears. Worse, it has corrupted our youth with vegemite
and Olivia Newton-John. We must resist with the force of our forbears!
Stamp out Wombats before they corrupt our civility and decency and
humanitarianism!
--
Byron Howes
UNC - Chapel Hill
(decvax!duke!unc!bch)
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!duke!mcnc!unc!bts
>From Ogden Nash: (without permission)
THE WOMBAT
The wombat lives across the seas,
Among the far Antipodes.
He may exist on nuts and berries,
Or then again, on missionaries;
His distant habitat precludes
Conclusive knowledge of his moods.
But I would not engage the wombat
In any form of mortal combat.
Be warned, unc!tim.
_____________________________________
Bruce T. Smith, UNC-Chapel Hill
decvax!duke!unc!bts (USENET)
bts.unc@CSnet-Relay (lesser NETworks)
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!eagle!mhuxl!ihnp4!ihuxp!wbpesch
What does eating Wombats have to do with eating Beaver? I find it
discusting to eat a small animal that burrows in the ground. However,
Beaver is a meal that I eat every chance that I get.
_ _
( \/ )
Dam, I \ / Beaver
\/
Walt Pesch
AT&T Western Electric AT&T Technologies
ihnp4!ihuxp!wbpesch
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!ihnp4!ihu1g!fish
Could we possibly move this discussion to net.silly? net.flame is for
Folks Who WAnt TO RANT AND RAGE AND FUME ABOUT SOMETHING THAT'S REALLY
IMPORTANT LIKE ALL THOSE DAMN, SUGAR-COATED FRENCH FRIES!!! DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THAT COULD DO TO A HYPOGLYCEMIC, TAIL-GATING, TRUCK DRIVER??? HE'D
BE SQUASHING WOMBATS ON THE INTERSTATE LEFT AND RIGHT, AND YOU PEOPLE
WOULDN'T HAVE ANYTHING LEFT TO FLAME ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!
(I have to go, they only let me out of here a couple of t
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!ihnp4!ihu1e!howardh
There was a typo in the flame I just sent out. It should have
read:
Base Step:
A set consisting of ONE wombat ...
--
.
/|\ Another message sailing thru the net
/ | \ from
/ | \ Howard Hill
/ |___\ (312) 979-7212
*-----"------;
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!wivax!linus!utzoo!utcsrgv!dave
Come now. A little basic Gematria reveals the numerical value of wombat
(a=1,b=2,etc.) is 74. Now 74 is two times a prime number. Two wombats
(the two on the net) in their prime. Clearly, therefore, wombats belong
on the net.
Please move this discussion to "general". That way, at least,
no-one's ramblings will reach anyone outside their machine.
Magnifibeast
--
{allegra,cornell,decvax,ihnp4,linus,utzoo}!utcsrgv!dave
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!wivax!linus!utzoo!utcsstat!laura
Richard Harter's proof is marvellous. I, however, have seen a wombat.
Therefore Christianity is untrue. This is good, because I don't want
to grep it for the occurrance of "Richard Harter". I have not seen
him, though, so he doesn't exist. (poof! in a cloud of smoke over in cca).
Laura Creighton
utzoo!utcsstat!laura
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!ihnp4!mit-eddie!rh
Spaf, you like wombats broiled in butter with garlic????!!! I've
never of heard anything so uncivilized in my life! It's a
well-known fact that polite society eats wombats BOILED, not
broiled. Furthermore, the correct spice is rubbed sage, with
perhaps a touch of nutmeg (use the whole can if you want to
hallucinate). I'll bet you don't even fry the eyeballs
separately....
--
Randwulf (Randy Haskins); Path= genrad!mit-eddie!rh
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!ihnp4!mit-eddie!rh
Anyone want to explain N reasons why a wombat is better than a sheep??
Randwulf (Randy Haskins); Path= genrad!mit-eddie!rh
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!linus!utzoo!watmath!wateng!tpchmara
Concerning wombats and their possible roles as agents of the underworld:
I think you've both been out in the sun too long, but that might just be
a product of my own warped thinking.
I'm pretty ambivalent about wombats, myself; it's too difficult to tunnel
up to my third-floor apartment. I suppose if or when they do, I'm afraid
I'll have to side with tim...
---tpc--- (Tom Chmara )
(wateng!tpchmara @ University of Waterloo, Waterloo, ONT )
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!ihnp4!alberta!ubc-vision!uw-beaver!tektronix!reed!gil
If there are 6 letters in 'WOMBAT' and we are going to take this
as having some signifigance, does this mean that we are dealing
with the "number of the beast" (or maybe the number of three beasts)?
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!ihnp4!alberta!ubc-vision!uw-beaver!uw-june!moriarty
I thought you would all be interested to know that all this talk about
wombats has reached the ever-vigilant attention of Hollywood promoters, and
that a slew of wombat-related horror films will be coming your way this
summer. Jamie Lee Curtis has been signed to star in "Amittyville IV: House
of Satanistic Communistic Wombats" (she will be portraying Laura Creighton),
and that Stephen King's latest novel, "Willy the Wombat", is being rushed
into pre-production. Also, several church groups are urging the creation of
grade-school training films to combat the wombat menace -- the test film,
previewed for the Joint Chiefs of Staff and an "Entertainment Tonight"
correspondent, shows how children can avoid wombat-incurred fallout by
crawling underneath their desks.
Also, the Captain & Tenille are getting back together for a new 45
recording, "Wombat Love". Just thought you'd like to know.
Trivia Is My Business
-jwm-
{...decvax!}tektronix!uw-beaver!uw-june!moriarty
---
As everyone knows, a WOMbat is a device for making quick repairs to
Write-Only Memory....
-- Jeff Sargent/...pur-ee!pucc-h:aeq
NO! A WOMbat is used to get information back out of Write Only Memory!!!
--
-- Diogenes looked in and laughed--
>From the dungeons of the wombat Chuqui the Plaid
Note the new address: {fortune,menlo70}!nsc!chuqui
"And as I lived my role I swore I'd sell my soul for one love
who would stand by me and give me back the gift of laughter"
- Winslow Leech
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!ihnp4!stolaf!twiss
I haven't seen Descartes in a long time. Does anyone see him anywhere?
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!eagle!mhuxl!ihnp4!we13!mgweed!rjk
Well, if you don't want to pay more than $20 for your wombat, you can
be *sure* that it won't have a heater in it. I wonder what the legality
of operating a non-heated wombat is in the state of Illinois? How about
in the state of euphoria? Is there, in fact, a $20 fine for it? That's
like saying that $20 is fine for a wombat without a heater and we already
proved that point moot.
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!linus!utzoo!utcsrgv!perelgut
I have it on poor authority that the Canadian government's Dept. of
Socialist Satanist Warmongering Capitalists (DoSSWaC) is currently
training wombats to disrupt vital communications by psychically
distorting electronic pathways into grinning satanistic faces. The
current list of problems include:
- The wombats are devilishly hard to catch (not surprising for
creatures of Satan, eh?)
- The wombats in charge are confused and trying to disrupt
Canadian intelligence. This is driving them crazy since it is
so hard to find.
- The socialists in DoSSWaC are constantly warring with the Capitalists
and the wombats get all upset.
---
Down With Wombats
--
Stephen Perelgut Computer Systems Research Group University of Toronto
Usenet: {linus, ihnp4, allegra, decvax, floyd}!utcsrgv!perelgut
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!ihnp4!ihuxq!amigo2
Byron Howes, who I had always thought was a voice of reason and
moderation at North Carolina, has shewn his true colours and is
siding with unc!tim on the issue of wombats. However, he also is
demonstrating his basic ignorance (if ignorance were cornflakes,
he'd be General Mills) by speaking of 20-Metre racing yachts. It's
12-Metre yachts! (You are stupid, Byron, stark, raving stupid!)
Now, he will probably attack me with the obviously absurd and
fallacious argument that this is an ad hominem arguement. Just
remember, O bootlicking lackey of Maroney, that truth is truth,
even in Budapest!
Gloria in Excelcis vombatida,
John Hobson
AT&T Bell Labs
Naperville, IL
(312) 979-7293
ihnp4!ihuxq!amigo2
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!seismo!rlgvax!plunkett
I infer the following Policy Positions to the following candidates
without further comment. Will there be a Democrat left on the net
after this?
Sen. John Glenn: Use of Wombats to reduce deficit; no strategic value.
Sen. Alan Cranston: Mashed Wombat brain a delicacy. Someone ought to
tell him people NEVER eat Wombat brain.
Sen. Ernest Hollings: "The only thing we have to fear is Wombatology
itself." Fudges when professing a liking to Wombats, yet a hatred of
the study of Wombats.
George McGovern: Awaiting results of psychiatric tests on 3 Wombats
a McGovern aide captured in New South Wales before committing himself.
Sen. Gary Hart: "What's a Wombat?" What a loser.
Walter Mondale: Keeps 3 dozen Wombats caged in his suburban Washington
home. Unspecified practices wrought. Would allow tax deductions for
Wombat keepers.
Rev. Jesse Jackson: All God's creatures are to be to be dominated by
Man. Except Wombats. (
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!eagle!hou5h!hou5g!jrt
WOMBAT LOVERS OF THE WORLD UNITE!!!! We can not
allow callous and unfeeling personages to attack
those small, furry creatures that have brought
such joy to the hearts of many.
(** FRODO **) alias hou5g!jrt
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!duke!mcnc!unc!bch
Well! Hobson makes his choice and accuses me of moderation! The
mere fact that I stretched 12 meter yachts into 20 meter yachts
should be sufficient proof that I am totally immoderate -- especially
when it comes to Wombats!! Vile creatures they are, who see the
world upside-down. Then he goes further and suggests that I am
a bootlicking lackey to Tim Maroney when all who know tim are aware
that he wears sandals (Take that! snow-slogging wombat-ridden minions
of the Northern Hordes) which are carved from the very heart of
wombat hide. He who would use ad-hominum arguements against me might
also want to take away my grits!
"Wombats, Wombats, Yum! Yum! Yum!"
-- The Patriarch of Kzin
--
Byron Howes
UNC - Chapel Hill
(decvax!duke!unc!bch)
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!dartvax!kenv
What am I supposed to do if I have a waterbed on the ground floor and
a wombat decides to burrow into it? I mean, I can't exactly keep a punc-
tured waterbed filled just so some stupid wombat can have a large, back-up
water supply, can I? Why not just solve the whole problem by:
1)Killing wombat with large wooden club
2)Filling wombat with water, until it resembles a water bed
3)Throwing waterbed out with the next day's trash.
It seems to me that this would end all of the troubles with both wombats
and waterbeds because everyone knows that wombat skin is tougher than the
skin of a waterbed, and would therefore puncture much less easily. Also,
this would rid the world of wombats, and all discussions about them.
"Are you saying that coconuts migrate?"
(A totaly non-relative quote to further confuse things....)
Ken Varnum
(...!decvax!dartvax!kenv)
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!ihnp4!ihldt!tmh
It is a little know fact that it was actually the Wombat
menace we were fighting in the pacific during WWII, not the
Japanese (who were just pawns of the Wombats after a giant Wombat
named Norman waded through Tokyo (bet ya didn't know all the
Godzilla movies used newsreel footage with Godzilla superimposed
over Norman)). The bombs dropped on Pearl Harbor (aka Pearl Baily
Pearl Buck and Pearl Oyster) were not in fact bombs at all but
highly trained Wombat commandos. It was in fact a Wombat, throwing
itself on the tip of a fourteen inch shell, that blew up the
Arizona and it was six Wombats with blow torches that caused the
Oklahoma to capsize. It is also little known that it was a Wombat
assassin that caused President Roosevelt to be confined to a
wheelchair. The dread Japanese Long Lance torpedo was so
effective, because of its wombat guidance system (the early U.S.
attempts to use gophers in the same roll failed since the gopher
like any sensitive creature turns around and runs when confronted
with an enemy warship bristling with guns). All this information
and more can be found in War of the Wombats by Ramos H. Sharti
(Merde Press 1982).
I like mine fried in Vegimite,
Tom Harris
P.S. Rumors that Hitler may in fact have been a Wombat in disguise
are being investigated (Himmler, Bormann and Goebbels were almost
certainly wombats and Goering was probably two).
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!ihnp4!fortune!marcum
For all those who MUST sleep in an unheated waterbed (oh, the pain,
the pain), the ONLY proper way to do it is while snuggling up with a
Wombat (or a Rhino...)!
Alan M. Marcum Fortune Systems, Redwood City, California
...!hplabs!hpda!fortune!rhino!marcum
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!minow
$ set term/la120/width=80
$ dtr
VAX-11 Datatrieve V2.0
DEC Query and Report System
Type HELP for help
DTR> help wombat
WOMBAT
Wombats, general
Wombats are native Australian or Tasmanian mammals. Like many other
antipodean animals they have strange* reproductive habits (less so
than the platapus which lays green eggs and is a monotreme). They
also have constantly growing incisors allowing (nay, encouraging)
them to chew on bark, wood, softer rocks, etc. (Wombats are
friendly,loyal, nocturnal, and not over intelligent) (Sir Everard
Home reports "In captivity it is as a rule amiable, the amiability
being possibly associated with stupidity." He probably woke it from
a nap.)
* strange to us - they wouldn't have it any other way.
Wombats, specific
The family Vombatidae is divided into two groups, the naked nosed
and the hairy nosed wombats. The naked nosed group constitutes the
genus Vombatuis (or Phascolomis) and includes the Tasmanian wombat
(V. Ursinus), from Tasmania and Flinders Island and the common
Wombat (V. hirsutus) from south east Australia; they have coarse,
harsh, blackish brown fur, a naked area on the muzzle and short
ears. The hairy nosed group contains Lasiorhinus latifrons from
south Australia and wombatula gillespiei from southern Queensland;
these species have silky grizzled gray fur, a hairy muzzle and
larger ears. The consequences of all this to wombat society is
further complicated by the question of who has more ribs.
Additional information available:
ADVANCED
WOMBAT Subtopic? advanced
WOMBAT
ADVANCED
Wombats, particular
Dante Gabriel Rossetti had a wombat who slept (during the day) in an
epergne on the dining room table. He (the wombat) reappeared as a
dormouse in Rev. Dodgson's book.
Wombats, uses of
live - conversation piece, alarm clock (third shift)
dead - doormats; for food, see Wombats, food?
Wombats, food
grass, bark, leaves, fungi
Epergne
Who knows? ...clearly someplace wombats sleep.
Marsupials
Include bandicoots (which should be rabbits). koalas (which should
be bears), tasmanian wolves (which should be coyotes), and wombats
(which should be lethargic badgers). Pogo was a marsupial.
Sexual habits
are of interest only to other wombats, and then only between April
and June.
Wombats Prehistoric
Pleistocene Giant Wombat was as large as a rhinocerous.
Wombats, food?
would you want to eat a doormat that ate bark and fungus?
WOMBAT Subtopic?
Topic?
DTR> exit
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!dartvax!johnc
What's this about Wombats without heaters costing a $20 fine?
You mean that If I bought the one I saw (It didn't have a
heater) I would have had to pay a fine? Good thing I decided
not to buy it! it would have been expensive!
Now what about ones with automatic starting units? Does one
have to pay a fine if you buy one without an automatic starting
unit? The one I saw had one, even though it was in bad cond-
ition. And do you think it is better to get one that is water
proof in order to be able to use it as a waterbed like kenv
suggested? or is it better just to not put the wombat anywhere
near my waterbed?
Assorted ramblings from the screwed up keyboard of
...!decvax!dartvax!johnc
--
from the wombat's hole, ...!decvax!dartvax!johnc
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!genrad!grkermit!masscomp!clyde!floyd!harpo!eagle!mhuxl!ihnp4!we13!mgweed!rjk
By gosh, that's right! Why at this very moment as we type, trained
wombats are gnawing at the internals of my brand new multi-mod #5ESS
office out here in the bowels of Sugar Grove, Il.! Each time their
little phisio-psychotic synapses change state I get a { on my screen!
Yaaaahhhhhhhhh.... { { { { { { { {{{ {{{ { {{{{ {{{{ {{{{{ {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!genrad!security!linus!utzoo!dciem!mmt
Has it not occured to the net that the division of opinion on
wombats is due to the fact that two distinct species are being
confused? The wombbhat of Rhajasthan is a gentle creature
much beloved of pregnant women, who feel that its spirit will
enliven the child, whereas the Wham-Bat of North Carolina is
probably the one toward which so much virulence has been displayed.
I cannot imagine the wombbhat indulging in the sort of tunnelling
activities that have been so vividly described. The Wham-Bat, on
the other hand, could very quickly pulverize the rock in its path.
The vagaries of English spelling, which have caused so much
anguish on the net, have led the two species to converge in print,
if not in behaviour. Neither species is especially well endowed
with psychic power, and claims to the contrary must be regarded
as probably paranoid.
--
Martin Taylor
{allegra,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,floyd,ubc-vision}!utzoo!dciem!mmt
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!duke!mcnc!unc!bts
In response to a recent query in net.sf-lovers, wxlvax!dann
told me about a book titled "Charles Fort Never Mentioned
Wombats". He wasn't sure of the author, but he recalled it
having something to do with a science fiction convention in
Australia. Any pointers would be appreciated.
_____________________________________
Bruce Smith, UNC-Chapel Hill
decvax!duke!unc!bts (USENET)
bts.unc@CSnet@Relay (lesser NETworks)
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!genrad!security!linus!utzoo!utcsrgv!lgondor
. <-- to prevent malicious psychic wombats from disrupting this message
Has anyone else noticed that the strange truncation of Usenet messages
appeared only a very few weeks before the messages regarding the diabolical
wombat menace? I claim that this is not a coincidental phenomenon! Those
little buggers got careless and somehow tipped off the guardians of Usenet
to their machinations.
Little do they ken the wrath of an irate net. Just think of all the
increased traffic in net.misc with which they have had to try and cope.
No longer are they able to detect message bodies simply by looking for
leading blanks. We've shown those antipodal monsters that we can't be
pushed around!
Now here's my plan: everyone start your next net submission (me submit to
anything? Never!) with an exclamation point! They'll think that the rest
of the message is just some bizarre site name (gloat, gloat)! Your messages
will then be safe from their psychic psabotage.
>From the idle port of:
Les Gondor, U of Toronto CSRG
{cornell,watmath,ihnp4,floyd,allegra,ubc-vision,uw-beaver}!utcsrgv!lgondor
{cwruecmp,duke,linus,decvax,research}!utzoo!utcsrgv!lgondor
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!duke!mcnc!rti!crm
Having heard lots of shepherd jokes from my grandfather the cattle-
rancher, I think I had better ask:
"...N reasons why wombats are better than sheep" for *what*?
Sheep are probably better to eat than wombats -- wombats look too bony.
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!dartvax!davidk
[We don't really need this anymore ...]
There was a large stink a month or so back, caused by an
electronic form letter. One of the major reasons for not going
along with it, we were told, was that it would cost a fortune
to mail it all over the country. Seems quite reasonable to me.
So, instead, we're sending pages and pages of wombats *all* over,
and not just to selected sites. And you want to know something,
I am getting really tired of it. I am beginning to see why
people unsubscribe to net.general and why DOD does not like
random people on ARPANET. Could pe please send the wombats back
to where they came from? Seriously? When it takes me fifteen
minutes to type 'n' to anything with 'wombat' in the header
then I know something is wrong. It was cute for awhile but it
really must go.
--
David C. Kovar
Usenet: {linus, decvax}!dartvax!davidk
ARPA: kovar@MIT-ML (Infrequent)
U.S. Snail HB 3140
Dartmouth College
Hanover NH
03755
"The difficult we did yesterday, the impossible we are doing now."
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!ihnp4!ihuxq!amigo2
Listen, Howes, I did not accuse you of moderation. You have been
so blinded by your illogical and insatiable hatred of wombats that
you cannot read (if your brains were dynamite, you couldn't blow
your hat off). I had merely thought that you, unlike all others
from Chapel Hill--with the probable exception of Bruce Smith--were a
reasonable and responsible adult. I admitted that I was wrong and
that you were every bit as Satanically inspired as unc!tim.
I also take back my description of you as a bootlicking lackey of
Maroney. You are instead a sandal-licking lackey. And I hope that
your grits have lumps in them (unless, of course, you like thaem
that way, in which case I hope they don't!)
Ad Majorem Gloriam Vombatidae
John Hobson
AT&T Bell Labs
Naperville, IL
(312) 979-7293
ihnp4!ihuxq!amigo2
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!genrad!grkermit!masscomp!clyde!floyd!harpo!eagle!mhuxl!ihnp4!inuxc!pur-ee!CS-Mordred!Pucc-H:ab3
While perusing the WombatWars currently going on in net.misc,
one of our hardware staff brought the following to my attention:
Ok, get out your Vax 11/780 schematics for Board #8222-01,
and turn to sheet 20 of 22, wherein is discussed the "Translation Buffer
Matrix" or TBMW.
Note the signal labelled "Wombat". So, unc!tim, and all you
rabid anti-wombat flamers, be forewarned.
By the way, there are also signals labelled "Kinkajou" and "Aardvark".
--
"Go ahead...make my day."
Darth Wombat
{ allegra, decvax, ihnp4, harpo, seismo, teklabs, ucbvax } !pur-ee!rsk
---
From: sdccsu3!sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!harpo!eagle!mhuxl!houxm!hogpc!hogpd!jrrt
"I HAVE AN INTENSE DESIRE TO RETURN TO THE WOMBat. ANYBODY'S.
-Woody Allen
---
From: robison@eosp1.UUCP
Bob Fishell, you don't understand. The great popularity of
Wombat articles shows that all the regular contributers
to Flame realise that wombat articles are more relevant and more
interesting than most of the distilled elegance that usually
graces this net group.
- Toby Robison
decvax!ittvax!eosp1!robison
or: allegra!eosp1!robison
(maybe: princeton!eosp1!robison)
---
From: steve@rochester.UUCP
rick,
I wish you hadn't gone ahead and suggested that a new news group be
formed. I have enough trouble reading all 209 newsgroups that we get here
and still being able to work for an hour or so a day. Everybody knows how
cuddly and warm they are(normal body temp. of 102.3 farenheit) and that on
cold nights here in the north east one needs to bring in about three
of them to keep warm. We call this a "three wombat night".
There is an alternative though. Net.flame could be renamed to
net.wombat to rid this otherwise useless forum of crap and limit it to
discussions of cuddly creatures with chocolate brown eyes the size of
saucers.
So, what does everybody think? STAND UP AND BE COUNTED. LET YOUR
KEYBOARD BE HEARD!!!
steve hammond
uucp: (seismo | allegra)!rochester!steve
arpa: steve@rochester
p.s.
If net.wombat is added I will randomly delete 1/2 of the files
from your directories and publish your little black book that you keep so
neatly hidden in /u/rick/.little-black-book!!!!!
---
From: rick@rochester.UUCP
Steve,
Thank you for your suggestion about renaming net.flame to net.wombat. The
only real reason I wanted a net.wombat (other than to give wombats the
recognition they deserve) was so that I didn't have to read all that stuff
about bad drivers, junky junk food, speling problems, immoral vegetarians,
Ronnie Raygun and Laura Creighton.
rick floyd
uucp: (seismo | allegra)!rochester!rick
arpa: rick@rochester
p.s. Wombats are pretty small. 6 is probably a better number than 3
(although this does give us 2/3 of *the mark*).
Go ahead and delete my files. I'm not doing anything except reading news,
either.
---
From: 4342bob@hou2d.UUCP
Can somebody please tell me what a WOMBAT is??
Bob
---
From: tackett@wivax.UUCP
I appreciate the enlightening conversation in this group. Until
now I thought wombats were only interesting to male bats.
---
From: mr.mincemeat@syteka.UUCP
I laugh with derisive glee at all the
ludicrous frenzy and completely inaccurate
squalling about Wombeatitude; snivel ye
mortal morons in helpless fear as I clue
ye in: I mincemeat, a wombat, AM SATAN,
and I am Santa, and I am going to kill
you all, right now, har har har har har!!!!!
fools.
---
From: esj@ihuxl.UUCP
The wombats ate the trademark! THE WOMBATS ATE THE TRADEMARK! THE {{{{{{{{{
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{
"Filthy English Kunigguts!"
---
From: kaufman@uiuccsb.UUCP
Is it true ABC will be showing a pilot for Wombattlestar Galactica this
April?
---
From: kaufman@uiuccsb.UUCP
And the wombat says, "Gee, I didn't think of that" and vanishes in a puff
of logic.
---
From: kaufman@uiuccsb.UUCP
| | | _______ | | |
| | | / _____ \ | | |
| | / / \ \ | |
| | | | | | | | | | | |
| | | | \ \_____/ / | | | |
| '____________Z S____________' |
| | / \ | |
| | / * ***** \ | |
| | / * * \ | |
| | / * ***** \ | |
| / * * * \ |
| / * ***** \ |
| / \ |
| / \ |
| / ***** ***** * * ***** \ |
| / * * * ** * * \ |
/ * * * * * * ***** \
/ * * * * ** * \
/ * ***** * * ***** \
Z___________________________________________________________S
---
Obviously another Creationist! Let's tie him up, throw him in a lake,
and if he floats, BURN 'IM! (Or is it if he sinks?)
"Well, 'e turned me into a newt!"
No!!! 'E's a witch if 'e weighs the same as a wombat!!!!!
From the truly menacing,
/- -\ but usually underestimated
<-> and soon to be gone,
Frank Adrian
(tektronix!tekcad!franka)
---
:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
Please put this conversation where it belongs in :-) / / // /
net.python! Now, I know that that newsgroup is too :-)///////-
full as it is, which is why I am proposing the cre- :-)+++++X
ation of: net.python.albatross, net.python.argument,:-)//////-\
net.python.bruce, net.python.dead.parrot, net.py- :-)// -\
thon.find.the.fish, net.python.grail, net.python. :-) 0 -\
gumby, net.python.how.not.to.be.seen, net.python. :-) \
lumberjack, net.python.m00se, net.python.naughty. :-) _____ \______
bits, net.python.penguin, net.python.sheep, net.py- :-) \AAAA\____________I
thon.silly.walks, net.python.spiny.norman, and of :-) ---/
course net.python.upper.class.twit.of.the.year. :-)---/
:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
- Ken "Naaah, I never watch the stuff" Kaufman (...!uiucdcs!uiuccsb!kaufman)
---
From: wombat@uicsl.UUCP
Thank you, Mr. Minow, for bringing the true facts of wombats, harmless,
amiable creatures that we are, to light. There are a few misstatements
in it, but this is a family notesfile, so I won't go into the sex life
of the wombat. What seems to be taken for Stupidity in wombats is
actually Deep Thought and Heavy Contemplation. Excuse me while I munch
on some bark and consider the state of the world ...
Wombat
ihnp4!uiucdcs!uicsl!wombat
---
From: wombat@uicsl.UUCP
The book *Charles Fort Never Mentioned Wombats* was written by Gene
DeWeese and Bob Coulson, and does indeed take place at a SF convention
in Australia. It's a mystery with aliens and fen and weird happenings.
I think it's a "sequel" to their *Now You See It/Him/Them*, another
mystery set at a SF convention with more weird happenings. A fun
pair of books.
Wombat
ihnp4!uiucdcs!uicsl!wombat
---
From: kenv@dartvax.UUCP
Why don't we use the picture of the great Wombatian leaders
on our money? It would certainly add a little bit of
flair to our otherwise dull and boring currency? That
way, we could all pay homage to the wonderful beast, and especially
the often-maligned wombat.
Ken Varnum
(..devvax!dartvax!kenv)
---
From: walt2@ihuxl.UUCP
Wombats, wombats, wombats. I've had it up to here with wombats!
I have nothing against wombats. I think they're kind of cute after
they've been shampooed and permed.
The 'ol wombat trail has been beaten to a trench. It's time for
some flamable flames! Some subjects you can sink your teeth into.
For instance a lover that farts under the covers. Let's get
combustible folks!
I know there are people on the net who will be offended by my using
the word fart. To you I say EAT ME. I don't know if I'm kosher.
Longing for combustion,
Walt (wrote it without (oops!) parentheses) Kurszewski
ihnp4!ihuxl!walt2
---
From: mather@uicsl.UUCP
I saw the following books at the local 'BOOK MART':
1001 Things to Do With a Dead Wombat
Caring For Your Wombat
Wombat Twobat, Redbat Bluebat (Dr. Seuss)
Australian Wombats: Fact or Fiction
Wombat Aerobics (Jane Fonda)
The One Minute Wombat
The Wombat of the Month calendar
The Hite Report on Wombat Sexuality
The "Official" Wombat Cookbook
Wombats Have Feelings Too
Real Wombats Don't Eat Leaves
Marsupials and You: Tales of a Wombat
The Joy of Wombats
How Wombats Can Make You $$$$$$$
The Wombat Weekly (magazine)
B.C.
uiucdcs!uicsl!mather
---
From: keller@uicsl.UUCP
Reading notes files is like panning for gold--hours of sifting
for a few moments of joy.
-Shaun Keller
(ps Can you finger a wombat on your system? (UN*X is perverse!)
Do you have a wombat on your staff?
Login name: wombat In real life: (withheld)
Phone: (withheld)
Directory: /staff/wombat Shell: /bin/csh
Last login Mon Jan 23 13:08 on tty00
No Plan.
-Python
Which foreign minister makes this noise when pushed?
WO WO WOM WOM WOM BA BA BAT BAT BAT
-Yes
Don't kill the WOMBATS. Dig-it. Dig-it.
-Zappa
Movin' to Montana soon. Go'na be a WOMBAT tycoon.
-Heinlein
I grok WOMBATS.
-Mondale
...and a WOMBAT in every pot!
---
From: flinn@seismo.UUCP
Gabriel Robins recently suggested the titles of several best sellers
involving our familiar mascot of the network, The Wombat. A somewhat
more complete list, incorporating his, follows.
PLAYS
William Shakeswombat:
Two Wombats of Verona
The Wombat of Venice
Julius Wombat
Anthony & Clewombatra
The Merry Wombats of Windsor
A Midsummer Night's Wombat
Much Ado About Wombats
MacWombat
King Wombat
Wamblet, Prince of Denmark
Wombat IV (Parts I and II)
As You Like Wombats
Taming of the Wombat
Tennessee Wombat:
Death of a Wombat
A Wombat Named Desire
The Glass Wombat
Wombat Wicherly:
The Country Wombat
Richard Brinsley Wombat:
A School for Wombats
Wombocles:
The Persian Wombats
Oedypus Wombax
Aristombates:
The Wombats
Ben Wombat:
Every Wombat in His Humour
Moliere:
Le Wombat Malgre Lui
Le Bourgeois Gentilhombat
Racine:
Wombatre
T. S. Wombat:
Death Comes for the Wombat
Henrik Wombat:
A Wombat's House
Peer Wombat
George Bernard Wombat:
Arms and the Wombat
Androcles and the Wombat
Agatha Wombat:
The Wombattrap
NOVELS
Don Miguel de Wombantes:
Don Quiwombat de la Mancha
Jane Wombat:
Northanger Wombat
Pride and Wombat
Charles Wombat:
Our Mutual Wombat
Oliver Wombat
Bleak Wombat
Harper Lee:
To Kill a Wombat
Robert Wombat:
I, Wombat
Wombat the God
A. A. Wombat:
Winnie the Wombat
Kenneth Wombat:
The Wombat in the Willows
Margaret Wombat:
Gone with the Wombat
Lyov Wombat:
Wombat and Peace
Anna Wombatina
Nikos Kazantzambat:
Wombat the Greek
Fyodor Wombat:
Wombat and Punishment
The Wombats Karamazov
Choderlos de Lawombat:
Les Wombats Dangeureuses
Johann Friedrich Wombat:
The Sorrows of Young Wombat
James Wombat:
Finnegan's Wombat
Ernest Wombat:
The Wombat Also Rises
The Old Man and the Wombat
For Whom the Wombat Tolls
NONFICTION
Edward Wombat:
Decline and Fall of the Wombat Empire
James Wombat:
Life of Samuel Wombat
POETRY
Percy Bysshe Wombat:
Ode to a Grecian Wombat
Geoffrey Wombat:
Canterbury Wombats
Samuel Wombat:
London - A Wombat
Oliver Wombat:
The Village Wombat
Alexander Wombat:
The Wombatiad
The Rape of the Wombat
John Wombat:
Wombat Lost
Dwombante:
The Divine Wombat
Sir Thomas Wombat:
Le Morte de Wombat
Walt Wombat:
Leaves of Wombat
Samuel Taylor Wombat:
Rime of the Ancient Wombat
Kubla Wombat
Alfred, Lord Wombat
Idylls of the Wombat
OPERA
Gioachino Wombat:
Il Wombatto di Siviglia
L'Wombatta in Algieri
La Wombatta Ladra
Meyerbeer:
Les Wombats
Giacomo Wombatti:
Madamma Wombat
La Fanciulla del Wombat
Gian-Carlo Wombatti:
Amahl and the Night Wombats
Italo Wombatimezzi:
L'Amore di Tre Wombatti
Christoph Willibald Wombat:
Orfeo e Wombatyce
Wombat Amadeus Mozart:
Cosi Fan Wombatti
Die Entfuhrung Aus Dem Wombat
Idomeneo, Re di Wombatto
Die Zauberwombat
Le Nozze di Wombatto
Giuseppe Wombat:
La Forza del Wombatto
The Merry Wombats of Windsor
Un Wombatto in Maschere
Richard Wombat:
Der Ring des Wombattens
(including the famous Ride of the Wombats)
Die Meisterwombatten von Nurnberg
Der Fliegende Wombat
Tristan und Wombat
The Other Richard Wombat:
Wombat Auf Naxos
Der Rosenwombat
Gaetano Donizombatti:
La Wombatta del Reggimento
Lucia di Wombattomoor
Gilbert & Wombat:
The Wombats of Penzance
The Wombat of the Guard
Trial by Wombats
Ruddiwombat
Johann Straumbat:
Die Flederwombat
Engelbert Humperwombat:
Hansel und Wombat
Camille Saint-Wombat:
Samson et Wombat
Modest Moussorgombatski:
Boris Wombatof
Bedrich Smetombat:
The Bartered Wombat
Montewombat:
L'Incoronazione del Wombatta
MUSIC
Johann Sebastian Wombat
Air on a G Wombat
The Wombat Cantata
The St. Wombat Passion
Wachet Auf, Ruft Uns die Wombat
The Wombat Variations
Die Kunst der Wombat
Franz Wombat:
The Unfinished Wombat
Der Wombat Auf Dem Felsen
Death and the Wombat
Ludwig van Wombat:
Rage Over a Lost Wombat
The Ruins of Wombat
Aaron Wombat:
Appalachian Wombat
Sir Edward Wombat:
The Wombat Variations
Johannes Brahmbat:
Ein Deutsches Wombat
PAINTINGS
Rembrandt van Wombat:
The Night Wombat
Aristotle Contemplating a Bust of Wombat
Johannes Verwombat van Delft:
Wombat in a Red Hat
View of Wombat
Rafael:
St. George and the Wombat
The School of Wombats
Michangelombat:
The Holy Wombat Family
The Sistine Wombat Ceiling
J. W. M. Wombat:
Rain, Steam, Wombat
Burning of the Houses of Wombat
Paul Cezombat:
Mont Ste.-Wombat
George Rombat:
Portrait of Mrs. Siddons as the Tragic Wombat
Thomas Wombat:
Wombat in a Single Scull
Gilbert Stuambat:
George Washombat
Leonardo da Wombat:
The Last Wombat
Wombat with St. Anne
Mona Wombat
Pieter Wombat the Elder
Landscape with the Fall of Wombat
The Peasant Wombat
Giorgio di Wombatto:
The Agony of Wombat
Honore Daumbat:
The Wombat Collector
Eugene Delawombat:
The Coronation of Wombat
Wombat Leading the People
Theodore Wombat:
The Wombat of the Medusa
Francisco Goyambat:
The Horrors of Wombat
Albrecht Wombat:
The Great Clump of Wombat
Jacques-Louis Davambat:
The Oath of the Wombats
Peter Paul Rombat:
Wombat on the Cross
Henri de Toulouse-Wombat:
Salon in the Rue des Wombats
Vincent van Gombagh:
Starry Wombat
Antonio del Pollauombat:
Martyrdom of St. Wombat
Gentileschombat:
Judith & Maidservant with Head of Wombat
William Hogambat:
The Wombat's Progress
Georges de la Wombat:
Le Tricheur a l'As de Wombats
Rogier van der Wombat:
The Deposition from the Wombat
Portrait of a Wombat
Henri Wombatisse:
The Wombats of the Sea
Pablo Picwombasso:
Les Wombats d'Avignon
Jan Van Wombat:
The Annunciombat
St. Wombat Receiving the Stigmata
Marriage of Giovanni Wombat
Jackson Wombat:
Untitled Wombat (IV)
Botticiombat:
The Birth of Wombat
La Primawombat
Giombatto:
The Tribute Wombat
Piero della Wombasco:
Legend of the True Wombat
Madonna and Wombat
---
From: flinn@seismo.UUCP
Actually, once the idea has been suggested, there are all sorts of
other possibilities for wombats - in fine dining, for example.
Gourmets might consider the following:
Wombats Rockefeller Ris des Wombats Financieres
Wombat Wellington Wombat a l'Orange
Pate de Wombat en Croute Wombat Ratatouille
Wombat au Vin Wombat a la Mode
Wombat au Chocolat Buche de Wombat
Wombat Prince Orloff Wombats St.-Jacques
Wombat Bourguignon Wombat en Cocotte
Reine de Wombat Wombat Charlotte
Roast Suckling Wombat Saddle of Wombat
Wombat a l'Americaine Tartes aux Wombats
Wombat Thermidor Turban de Wombat
Wombat Veloute Wombat a la Mode de Caen
Wombat en Cocotte Wombats Gelees
Wombat Florentine Breast of Wombat a l'Ecossaise
Terrine de Wombat Rognons de Wombat Flambee
Wombat Sorbet Quiche au Wombats
---
From: jc@sdcsvax.UUCP (John Cornelius)
Not to mention the fact that wombats don't use the wombat litter box
and stink up the house. The difficulties encountered cleaning up
after the critters should be obvious to anyone reading net.flame.
---
From: gabriel@princeton.UUCP
And don't miss the classic plays:
Julius Wombat
A wombat named desire
Taming of the wombat
Don wombat (de la mancha)
Death of a wombat
Much ado about wombats
---
From: steve@sdccsu3.UUCP (steve)
Organization: UC San Diego Looking Glass Labs
wombats.
boiled and stuffed with cheddar cheese.
do not please.
minced and spread with logical tomatos.
might gratify plato.
or socrates.
but having these few delicacies tasted
one desires more
the author basted
than more spool space wasted.
"Flames Are Cool"
---
From: y4179@dalcs.UUCP
Maybe this talk about Wombats is getting a little overdone
(even though everyone knows that Wombats taste better rare...)
I mean after all, our ancestors got along just fine without
Wombats, why can't we? But then, the moment I stop
thinking of them, I begin breaking out in a rash! I shiver
and quake uncontrollably! Could it be that Wombats are
ADDICTIVE!?! Perhap's the medical society should look in on this!
Does extended exposure to Wombat articles on the net cause cancer
in laboratory rats? I can't believe you people would start a discussion
like this without looking over all the possibilities first.
Myself? I'm taking a few weeks off, there's a hospital in Toronto that
specializes in care for victims of Wombat abuse...
---
From: preece@uicsl.UUCP
I would point out that our staff wombat is very neat and never
leaves half-chewed bark shreds in the machine room.
---
From: debray@sbcs.UUCP
You forget "Far From the Madding Wombat", "A Farewell to Wombats", "The Last
of the Wombaticans" and such other classics from the anti-Wombat faction.
---
From: wetcw@pyuxa.UUCP
FLAAAMMMMEEEEEE OOOOONNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!
Well, now that does it! This is net.flame and that is just what
I am going to do. Just how long do we have to put up with this
cutesy-poo crap about wombats? 388 lines devoted to the most
inane garbage I have seen in years. You want to talk about wombats?
Take it somewhere else. This has been the most childish display of
immaturity I can remember since my college days. It reminds me of
a bunch of first graders telling chicken-crossing-the-road jokes
with different, non-funny endings. Grow up wombat submitters, it
ain't funny no more. At least take it over to misc or jokes where
the rest of us can ignore it. Little minds do little things.
T. C. Wheeler
---
From: urban@trwspp.UUCP
I passed a "Beauty Products" store yesterday evening.
Normally I wouldn't have noticed it, but my eye was caught
by a strange sign:
Australian
Hair
Salad
Available Here!
Uhhhhhh.... whatsan "Australian Hair Salad"? (I know, I
know, skin one fresh wombat, add lettuce and vinegar...)
---
From: flinn@seismo.UUCP
I also forgot Marcel Wombat's 'A la Recherche du Wombat Perdu.'
---
From: amigo2@ihuxq.UUCP
A follow-up on E. A. Flinn and Gabriel Robins list on wombat books:
PLAYS
William Shakeswombat:
The Winter's Wombat
Wombat V
Wombat VI (Parts I, II and III)
Wombat of Athens
Troilus and Cresswombat
Wombat Andronicus
Pericwombat, Prince of Tyre
Romeo and Juliwombat
Tennessee Wombat did not write Death of a Wombat, it was Arthur
Wombat.
Aeschiwombat
The Wombatria (consisting of three plays, Agawombat, The Wombat
Bearers, and The Kindly Wombats)
Wombocles:
Wombat Bound
Wombat Unbound
Wombat Firebearer (alas, now lost)
Wombat at Colonus (Sequel to Oedipus Wombax)
Ben Wombat:
Every Wombat out of His Humour
T. S. Wombat did not write Death Comes for the Wombat, you have
Wombat in the Cathedral confused with a novel by Wombat Cather. And
how could you have forgotten his great poetry:
The Wombatland
Four Wombats (Consisting of Burnt Wombat, Ash Wombat, Little
Wombat and one whose name I forget)
The Hollow Wombats
Wombat Agonistes
Wombat among the Nightengales
Old Possum's Book of Practical Wombats
George Bernard Wombat:
The Doctor's Wombat
Major Wombat
Wombat and Superwombat (best known for the act Don Wombat in Hell,
frequently done as a seperate play)
Thornton Wombat:
The Wombat of Our Teeth
Our Wombat
(Also the novel, The Wombat of San Luis Rey)
NOVELS
Charles Wombat:
A Christmas Wombat
The Wombat on the Hearth
David Copperwombat
Nicholas Wombat
Wombat and Son
A. A. Wombat:
The House at Wombat Corner
John Steinwombat:
The Wombats of Wrath
Of Mice and Wombats
In Dubious Wombat
The Red Wombat
Travels With Wombat
John Wombat
The Wombat of Our Discontent
Wombat Run
Wombat Redux
Wombat is Rich
Mark Wombat (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorn Wombats)
Huckleberry Wombat
Tom Wombat
The Prince and the Wombat
A Connecticut Wombat in King Arthur's Court
The Wombats Abroad
Wombat on the Mississippi
Puddenhead Wombat
Nathaniel Wombat
The House of Seven Wombats
The Scarlet Wombat
The Marble Wombat
POETRY
John Miltwombat
Wombat Lost
Wombat Regained
Carl Wombatburg
Mending Wombat
Death of the Hired Wombat
SCIENCE FICTION
Isaac Wombat
The Wombat Trilogy (Now actually four books)
The Wombats of Steel
The Naked Wombat
The Wombats Themselves
I, Wombat
The Rest of the Wombats
(and over 200 others, including non-fiction)
Arthur C. Wombat
Wombat's End
Against the Fall of Wombat, later re-written as The Wombat and the
Stars
2001, A Space Wombat
A Rendevous With Wombat
The Wombats of Paradise
Robert Heinwombat
Glory Wombat
Time Enough for Wombat (Featuring Lazarus Wombat)
I Will Fear No Wombats
The Starship Wombats
Have Wombat Will Travel
The Unpleasant Profession Of Jonathan Wombat
Double Wombat
Roger Zelazny
Nine Wombats In Amber
The Wombats of Avalon
The Sign of the Wombat
The Wombat of Oberon
The Wombats of Chaos
The Doors of His Wombat, the Lamps of his Wombat
Ursula K. LeWombat
A Wombat of Earthsea
The Wombats of Atuan
The Word for World is Wombat
The Left Wombat of Darkness
The Diswombatted
The Wombat of Heaven
MUSIC
Johann Sebastian Wombat
Wombat, Joy of Man's Desiring
The Wombat in B Minor
The Brandenburg Wombats
The Anna Womatlena Notebooks
Anton Dvombat
Symphony from the New Wombat
Wombat Dances
John Hobson
AT&T Bell Labs
Naperville, IL
(312) 979-7293
ihnp4!ihuxq!amigo2
From: pector@ihuxw.UUCP
How about Mark Twombats' classic: A Connecticut Wombat in King Arthur's
Hole? Or his: A Wombat Abroad? Or: Puddn'head Wombat?
Scott Pector
From: wombat@uicsl.UUCP
The actual title is *How to Attract the Wombat*, by Will Cuppy. It's
a humorous look at many critters, including, of course, wombats.
I have a painting at home called * <what's his name> And His Pet Wombat,
with Apologies to Goya*, which is a copy of Goya's little boy dressed
in red with a wombat substituted for one of the cats. The kid is
wearing a propeller beanie. Not well painted, I fear, but it's
different.
Wombat
ihnp4!uiucdcs!uicsl!wombat
From: Pucc-H:Pucc-I:ags@CS-Mordred.UUCP
Subject: Wombat Day
I have heard that if a Wombat sees his shadow on Feb. 2, then the
southern hemisphere is due for six more weeks of summer.
--
Dave Seaman
..!pur-ee!pucc-i:ags
From: jdb@qubix.UUCP
Subject: Re: WAAAUGHmbat!
Wombat Wombat:
Wombat Wombat Wombat
Wombat Wombat
Wombat
Wombat Wombat:
Wombat Wombat Wombat
Wombat Wombat
Wombat
Wombat Wombat:
Wombat Wombat Wombat
Wombat Wombat
Wombat
"Luchamos contra el Wombat, otra enemigo de la humanidad"
-- Frente Wombato de Liberacion Nacional
:-)
--
Dr Memory
...{decvax,ucbvax,ihnp4}!decwrl!qubix!jdb
From: wbpesch@ihuxp.UUCP
You forgot Wombatphobia, the fear of small furry breatures with big
sharp pointy teeth.
"Ourya Otherma Eraswa Ombatca Ootsba"
Walt Pesch
AT&T Technologues, Inc.
ihnp4!ihuxp!wbpesch
From: jrb@wdl1.UUCP
Those who think that wombats have no value, consider the following:
The Ballad of Marsupial/Monotremal Fandom
by Denny Lien, Al Kuhfeld, Erwin S. Strauss
(To "The Temperance Union Song")
We're coming, we're coming, our strange little band.
Adoring marsupials, we do take our stand.
We do not like reptiles because we do think
That once you like reptiles you must love a skink!
CHORUS: Hooray, hooray for kangaroos,
For kangaroos,
For kangaroos!
Hooray, hooray for kangaroos!
That's the song of Marsupial Fandom!
We do not bug wombats 'cause wombats bug back.
And no one can live through a wombat attack.
Oh, can you imagine a gorier scene
Than bugging a wombat until he turns mean? CHORUS.
Tasmanian devils are mean as can be.
They'll gladly bite you and they'll gladly bite me.
Can you imagine a gorier sight
Than Tasmanian devils a'spoilin' to fight? CHORUS.
The furry koala is gentler than these,
He doesn't bite people, he just climbs in trees.
Oh, can you imagine a scene with less grief
Than a koala turning over a new leaf? CHORUS.
We're coming, we're coming our strange little band.
Adoring marsupials, we do take our stand.
We also like monotremes, but feel a song
About them would only be two verses long.
SECOND CHORUS: Hooray, hooray for platypi,
For platypi,
For platypi,
Hooray, hooray for platypi,
That's the song of Monotremal Fandom!
We're coming, we're coming, our odd little band.
Adoring the monotremes we take our stand.
We don't like placentals 'cause tell us we beg:
How can someone born live ever be a good egg? SECOND CHORUS.
God stepped on the bill of the poor platypus.
That's how he came to have so flat a puss.
Oh, who can imagine how sad to be stuck
With a rear like a beaver and front like a duck.
Don't try to pet the tough spine'd echidna. (n.b.: pron. SPY-ned.)
If you don't mind, he' rather you did nae'.
Oh, can you imagine a scene more tranquil
Than an echnida op'ning up an anthill? SECOND CHORUS. (pron. OAP-ning)
We're coming, we're coming, our odd little band.
Adoring the monotremes we take our stand.
We'd sing evening long of monotremal lore,
But must end our song 'cause there ain't any more. SECOND CHORUS.
These verses came from "The HopSFA Hymnal."
Evelyn
(A dog, having undergone further modification.)
From: bulletin@news.UUCP
Subject: WOMBAT MENACE ELIMINATED
Organization: Wombat News Network
Middletown, NJ, Sat. 11 Feb. 84,
Slug-Wombatsdead
At 2215 on Saturday, Feburary 11, 1984, the wombat menace
to the free world was eliminated. The giant mother wombat, on one
of her rare forays above ground, was struck and killed by a 1983
Buick X-Car.
The driver of the car, identified only as
"Woodstock" or "MPB" (sic) said, "And I just thought that
I ran over another one of those (adjective) oppossums. I wondered
why the bump sounded so important." The driver's companion,
identified as T. Ursus (sic!) commented, "There was something
soooo significant about that thump. I just couldn't figure it
out. Then the people from the Wombat Squad came and told us
what happened. It's a shame there wasn't a reward, we could both
use a vacation after this."
Tim Moroney, chief of the Wombat Squad, which has
been diligently working to eliminate the Wombat Menace for several
years, commented, "It's ironic. After all that effort, the
menace was done in by the Wombat's instinct to freeze when confronted
by bright lights. Really ironic. Almost tragic, in a way, to see
such a splendid enemy pass away in such an ignomious fashion."
The President will speak at 7 PM this Monday on the
new state of the nation, now that the wombat menace has been
contained. "Good work, and bless you very much" were the
President's comments.
L.Greystoke-byline Middletown NJ WNN
From: moriarty@uw-june.UUCP
Perhaps... but thanks to constant chemical research, we, the federated
criminal scientists (formally called THRUSH, until we left in a pay-cut
grievance), learned to clone Beta-type Queen Wombats by the score.
Far-sighted Wombat leaders hired us several years ago for just such an
eventuality (Buicks have long been a major Wombat fear), and since they have
such great employee benifits (in such nice wooded areas), we plan to stay on
as consultants. So while you won't be hearing from wombats for a while,
you'll regret you lax vigilance later! NYAAH-HA-HA!
The Napoleon of Crime | Currently skulking around
| UUCP:
MORIARTY | {...decvax!}tektronix!uw-beaver!uw-june!moriarty
| ARPANET:
AKA -jwm- | moriarty@washington
From sdcsvax!dcdwest!ittvax!decvax!decwrl!amd!dual!zehntel!ihnp4!drutx!houxe!hogpc!houti!ariel!vax135!cornell!uw-beaver!microsoft!fluke!moriarty Sun Sep 23 19:20:59 1984
Relay-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site sdcc3.UUCP
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From: moriarty@fluke.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.flame
Subject: Re: BORING net.flame group
Message-ID: <1383@vax2.fluke.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 23-Sep-84 19:20:59 PDT
Date-Received: Fri, 5-Oct-84 17:51:34 PDT
References: <1899@stolaf.UUCP>
Organization: John Fluke Mfg. Co., Everett, WA
Lines: 78
Geez, Paul, I'll see what I can get out (have to stoke up the blast
furnace...)
So, once more the moronic fatheads in charge of nominating TV shows for the
Emmy awards have screwed up. They decide to fuel their won interests,
awarding useless, tasteless Communistic Nihlistic idiot-fodder programs,
while shamelessly ignoring the one show with the taste, good nature,
educational resources, and pure charisma to put America Back On the Right
Track. They give their sham awards, the little angels holding globes (how
ironic, that these Comrade's symbol of guile is almost Christian in Nature
(Ah say, Amen!!)) to big-breasted women and good for nothing perverts and
drunks (you, yes, YOU, Selleck... you smarmy little pansy! Listen up,
you're days are numbered! I've got documents showing just how you got that
high-pitched voice!). And this national disgrace goes on, year after year,
while one decent, kind, intelligent man stands aside, waiting for an award
deserved but never delivered, with a patience that many holy men would envy.
I'm talking, of course, about Marlin Perkins.
I'm talking about WILD KINGDOM.
Yes, while Americans (and, in fact, third world countries, too) could be
watching facinating stories about how the Serengeti is a storehouse of Zebra
life, how penquins really don't mind the cold, how bees polinate in the
winter (but only after the kids have gone to bed), they decide to watch
insidous stories of how tarts overthrow financial empires that are built
upon blood money anyway and how you can hook up a Heathkit to a car and it
becomes smarter than you and how all Southerners ride Ford Cars and
practice incest. And why? Why is this bastion of intelligence ignored
compared to this steaming heap of excrement.
Sour grapes, that's why.
Yes, I can see your eyes lighting up... you realize it now, you see the
conspiracy. But for the less bright ones out there, I'll spell it out.
Over the entire length of WILD KINGDOM, there has never been a single
episode on....
WOMBATS.
Yes, they're back again, ready for another year of net.flame debate.
The $64,000 Question is:
Are you man or woman enough to stand up to 'em?
I thought not....
"Lithium is no longer available on credit"
Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer
John Fluke Mfg. Co., Inc.
UUCP:
{cornell,decvax,ihnp4,sdcsvax,tektronix,utcsrgv}!uw-beaver \
{allegra,gatech!sb1,hplabs!lbl-csam,decwrl!sun,ssc-vax} -- !fluke!moriarty
ARPA:
fluke!moriarty@uw-beaver.ARPA
From sdcsvax!akgua!whuxlm!whuxl!houxm!ihnp4!inuxc!pur-ee!uiucdcs!uokvax!lmaher Mon Oct 22 23:22:00 1984
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From: lmaher@uokvax.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.flame
Subject: Re: Orphaned Response
Message-ID: <2200073@uokvax.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 22-Oct-84 23:22:00 PST
Date-Received: Sat, 27-Oct-84 04:49:19 PDT
References: <1899@stolaf.UUCP>
Lines: 30
Nf-ID: #R:stolaf:-189900:uokvax:2200073:37777777600:1108
Nf-From: uokvax!lmaher Oct 23 01:22:00 1984
> /***** uokvax:net.flame / vax2!moriarty / 4:00 am Oct 4, 1984 */
> while one decent, kind, intelligent man stands aside, waiting for
> an award deserved but never delivered, with a patience that many
> holy men would envy.
>
> I'm talking, of course, about Marlin Perkins.
>
> I'm talking about WILD KINGDOM.
>
> Yes, I can see your eyes lighting up... you realize it now, you
> see the conspiracy. But for the less bright ones out there, I'll
> spell it out. Over the entire length of WILD KINGDOM, there has
> never been a single episode on....
>
> WOMBATS.
Sorry, Moriarty, there was an entire series of Wild Kingdom shows
set in Australia. I can't believe that anyone could forget:
"The Koala lives in the Eucalyptus tree, and its leaves are his
only source of nourishment. If something happens to his home, he
can just move to the next tree. But if something happens to your
home, it can be much more serious. So carefully consider home
insurance from Mutual of Omaha, wombat-breath!"
The quote is paraphrased, it's been a while... :-)
Carl
{allegra,ihnp4}!convex!ctvax!uokvax!lmaher
From: dw@rocksvax.UUCP (Don Wegeng)
In article <262@stat-l> rsk@stat-l (Rich Kulawiec) writes:
>Wombats are partially protected under the Wildlife Act of 1975.
Ok, I just gotta ask this. Which parts of a Wombat are protected, and
which parts are not?bch@mcnc.UUCP (Byron C. Howes) (10/01/85)
Fred the Death Wombat is very pleased. He will spare you for now...
--
Byron C. Howes
...!{decvax,akgua}!mcnc!ecsvax!bch