har@imsvax.UUCP (Helen Roussos) (10/10/85)
Some of the most bizarre postings are to be found in net.origins. In this group, there is a guy who believes that the Earth once revolved around Saturn, and that everybody lived to be several hundred years old, and that the gravity of the earth was once less than it is today due to the gravitational pull of Saturn. To prove his theory, he cites the fact that there were dinosaurs on the earth once that were far too big to exist in today's gravity. But he makes one glaring ommission. During all this talk about the Megalotherium and the Breviparapus and the Ultra-humungum-funkosaurus, I have not heard one word about the only dinosaur that was so resourceful it actually survived the extinction which hit all the rest. This little bugger is not very big, but he is able to survive in just about any atmosphere or gravity, and can withstand temperatures up to 451 degrees Farenheit! What is this astounding creature? The Thesaurus!!!! It is my belief that this dinosaur survived due to the fact that although it was not very large, it made the right connections. I must also add that the Saturn theory is not entirely right. This is How It Really Happened: Long ago, the moon used to be at LEAST as big as the earth. Rotation occurred in such a way that the Atlantic Ocean always faced the Moon, which was then called Lemuria. There was atmosphere on Lemuria at this time, and water in liquid form, and lots of very advanced, peace loving people. Atlantis, of course, was still in existence. (What's the use of an antideluvian theory that doesn't include Atlantis??) The Atlanteans were unsavory, and were generally lean, mean fighting machines, with weapons that made our n-bombs look like mushrooms au gratin. Atlantis faced Lemuria at all times. (Got this so far?). Thesauruses, though rare, roamed Atlantis and Lemuria. So did People. Gravity was less than it is today on both of these continents, due to the fact that the pull of each one on the other lessened the effect of gravity on each. People were much taller and skinnier then, a fact which causes us to have some unrealistic collective memories about ourselves, and we are constantly dieting and trying to look like our ancestors who had much more going for them. Now the Atlanteans and Lemurians didn't like each other, due to personality differences. This was aggravated by the fact that they had only to look up, and there was the enemy, lurking, hostile, and ready to hurl its arsenal. A taboo against fraternizing prevented them from coming to any understanding Instead they annihilated each other. I mean, does anyone around here claim to be Atlantean-American or Lemurian-American? No? Well, that proves it. Lemuria, as can be seen in the night sky at present, got the worst of the fight. Atlantis was wiped off the map, but at least there was still a map. Thesauruses, though it's hard to say how, made it through this catastrophe, but have degenerated into a rather pesky subrace of subfauna, and some would even claim they've been reduced to floral byproducts. This concludes my theory, which has been proven numerologically, astrologically, and illogically. As the world's only remaining Babylonian-American, I would greatly appreciate it if anyone could trace my geneology back to Nebuchadnezzar. Disclaimer: Everyone disagrees with the junk in this posting. In fact, I deny ever having written such tripe.
ejnorman@uwmacc.UUCP (Eric Norman) (10/11/85)
In article <426@imsvax.UUCP> har@imsvax.UUCP (Helen Roussos) writes: >... >that the gravity of the earth was once less than it is today due to the >gravitational pull of Saturn. To prove his theory, he cites the fact that >there were dinosaurs on the earth once that were far too big to exist >in today's gravity. But he makes one glaring ommission. >... >I must also add that the Saturn theory is not entirely right. This is How >It Really Happened: Long ago, the moon used to be at LEAST as big as >... On the other hand, there's another theory, just as plausible, to wit: There's no such thing as gravity! >... >with weapons that made our n-bombs look like mushrooms au gratin. >Atlantis faced Lemuria at all times. (Got this so far?). Thesauruses, >though rare, roamed Atlantis and Lemuria. So did People. Gravity was less >... >and there was the enemy, lurking, hostile, and ready to hurl its arsenal. >A taboo against fraternizing prevented them from coming to any understanding >Instead they annihilated each other. I mean, does anyone around here >... The earth sucks! -- Eric Norman UUCP: ...{allegra,ihnp4,seismo}!uwvax!uwmacc!ejnorman Pony Express: 1210 West Dayton Street, Madison, WI 53706 Life: Detroit!Alexandria!Omaha!Indianapolis!Madison!Hyde "Remember; this is just an exhibition; please, no wagering." -- David Letterman