robertsl@stolaf.UUCP (Laurence C. Roberts) (10/15/85)
Last week, I woke up and stumbled over to my turntable to play my new Kate Bush record yet another time. My copy of Hounds of Love is pressed on white vinyl with grey and purple swirls. My roommates disparagingly call it the "come mix". I had left it on the turntable the preveous night. As I reached for the tone-arm, I noticed to my horror that there was a sizable blob of Aqua-fresh brand toothpaste on my record! Obviously, it had fallen from the tube of Aqua-fresh which my roommate Hans had relabeled as Sandwich spread which was held aloft above the turntable by a metal clamp, which was not so unusual because that is where it usually is. Now Hans is especially fond of comparing Kate Bush to Madonna and Pat Benatar, so I was sure that he had done this dastardly devilish deed on purpose. I grabbed the axe out of the closet and rushed over to his bed, but he had already left for class. Screaming obscenities, I gently lefted the record off the turntable to inspect the damage. The toothpaste slid off, leaving the record undamaged. After examining the disc to confirm this miracle, I set down the record and looked for the toothpaste. *** spoiler approaching *** After a frantic search, I located the swirly, tri-colored glob of toothpaste stuck to the corner of a milk-crate. Stuck to it was a tiny piece of celophane, which had protected the record from the sticky substance. I collapsed in paradoxes of laughter, glad for the safety of my treasure and tickled pink by the cleverness of the joke. Clever, Hans! Hans later revealed to me the care with which he placed the toothpaste on the celophane, and the several trials and tribulations it took before he got it right. He also told me of another joke he had played on someone which consisted of making fake contact lenses out of contact paper and sticking them to the floor the morning after two real lenses were left in two glasses of water under a bed. -- Laurence Roberts ...ihnp4!stolaf!robertsl St. Olaf - built on a bluff and operated on the same priciple.