nancy@enmasse.UUCP (Nancy Werlin) (08/16/85)
> HOW TO FIND A HUSBAND IN THIRTY DAYS > > Have any of the women out there bought this book yet and, if so, what did > you think of it? > > John Ruschmeyer Mr. Rushmeyer asks: "As an eligible male, should I buy this for some of my women friends?" Well, I didn't *buy* the book (let's be real), but I certainly picked it up off the store shelf and *read* it (nobody bothers you in Barnes & Noble and I don't have any compunction about cheating this particular author out of her royalties). My opinion: Yes, absolutely. Buy this book for your women friends if you think they are so sick of being single that they are willing to marry anyone; and if you (as an eligible man) are willing to marry a woman who wants you only for that reason. HOW TO FIND A HUSBAND IN THIRTY DAYS is about the hunt, sighting, and capture of the animal "eligible man." You begin by making yourself as attractive as possible, first by taking a little quiz to find the areas that need improvement: "When was the last time you shaved your legs? Men love shaved, lotioned legs." "How frequently do you have facials?" "Lose that ten pounds!" Then you take the author's advice and beef up (and I use the verb advisedly) those areas in which you are lacking. What you might call baiting the hook, or setting the trap. Next, you figure out where all the single men are. More quizzes: "What did you do last Saturday night? 10 points if you had a date! Nothing if you stayed home! 5 points if you went to a movie by yourself! 3 points if you went out with a girlfriend!" You put together a plan for finding an eligible man, and then you execute it coldbloodedly. I'll skip the details (they're nothing new; indeed, they're ancient); what I want to stress is the fact that this book places the titular above the reality: a "husband" is the goal and the man behind the title is perceived as an unimportant detail. There is no discussion (even as a by-the-way) of things like trust, respect, liking, love, humor, (and this may surprise you) and a warm sexual relationship as important aspects of a marriage-bound relationship. (Sex, in fact, is seen merely as more bait: "No man marries a woman he hasn't slept with.") Indeed, there is no concept of a *developing* relationship at all; no realization that a good marriage (in my opinion anyway) is founded on qualities like those I mentioned above, all of which take *time* to solidify. In the world of this book, the woman who grabs a man in the shortest period of time wins. The author makes no mention of the fact that in the long run, this woman is very likely to lose. And so, equally, will the man she marries. (Although frankly, I can't help thinking that such a man would be a blind fool to have fallen for it at all. Then again, this trap is nothing new...it *does* work...) Nancy Werlin EnMasse Computer Corp. Acton, MA
john@moncol.UUCP (John Ruschmeyer) (08/19/85)
Browsing through the local B. Dalton tonight, I noticed a new book at the counter. The title? HOW TO FIND A HUSBAND IN THIRTY DAYS According to the cover the book is written by the author of THIN THIGHS IN THIRTY DAYS. It appears to be a woman's answer to HOW TO PICK UP WOMEN. Have any of the women out there bought this book yet and, if so, what did you think of it? As an "eligible" male, I am unsure whether to be outraged or to buy copies for some ladies I know and hope they get the hint. :-) -- Name: John Ruschmeyer US Mail: Monmouth College, W. Long Branch, NJ 07764 Phone: (201) 222-6600 x366 UUCP: ...!vax135!petsd!moncol!john ...!princeton!moncol!john ...!pesnta!moncol!john Disclaimer: Monmouth College is a mecca for diverse opinions. It is, therefore, highly unlikely that the above opinions are those of anyone but me. Silly quote: Around here we don't have cuisine. We have EATS.
simpson@lll-crg.ARPA (Rea Simpson) (08/21/85)
In article <449@enmasse.UUCP> nancy@enmasse.UUCP (Nancy Werlin) writes: >> HOW TO FIND A HUSBAND IN THIRTY DAYS >HOW TO FIND A HUSBAND IN THIRTY DAYS is about the hunt, sighting, >and capture of the animal "eligible man." You begin by making >yourself as attractive as possible, first by taking a little > [stuff remove] > >Next, you figure out where all the single men are. More quizzes: >You put together a plan for finding an eligible man, and then >you execute it coldbloodedly. I'll skip the details (they're > [more stuff removed] > >Nancy Werlin >EnMasse Computer Corp. >Acton, MA Are you expected to take this book seriously? I hope not but your decription sounds like it. Is it another of the "Real Men Don't..." type books that seemed to make the best seller list a lot now? They can't expect to be taken seriously can they???? ____ " ... and a friend or two I love at hand ..." ____ Rea Simpson Lawrence Livermore Labs L-306 P.O. Box 808 Livermore, CA 94550 (415) 423-0910 {dual, gymble, sun, mordor}!lll-crg!simpson simpson@lll-crg.ARPA
fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann) (08/21/85)
>> HOW TO FIND A HUSBAND IN THIRTY DAYS >> Have any of the women out there bought this book yet and, if so, what did >> you think of it? >> John Ruschmeyer In article <449@enmasse.UUCP> nancy@enmasse.UUCP (Nancy Werlin) writes: > My opinion: Yes, absolutely. Buy this book for your women friends > if you think they are so sick of being single that they are willing to > marry anyone; and if you (as an eligible man) are willing to marry > a woman who wants you only for that reason. Since this book is the female equivalent of "How to Pick Up Girls", I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at the hostile reaction in net.singles. > HOW TO FIND A HUSBAND IN THIRTY DAYS is about the hunt, sighting, > and capture of the animal "eligible man." You begin by making > yourself as attractive as possible, first by taking a little > quiz to find the areas that need improvement. ... > Then you take the author's advice and beef up those areas in which you > are lacking. What you might call baiting the hook, or setting the trap. This is merely being realistic. Virtually every man I know will reject a woman merely for not looking good enough, though the standard of what is good enough will vary from man to man. The same is true for virtually all women I know; even many who would deny it. The better you look, the more choice you will have. You may not like this, but its true, so you may as well use this knowlege to your best advantage. > Next, you figure out where all the single men are. More quizzes: > "What did you do last Saturday night? 10 points if you had a > date! Nothing if you stayed home! 5 points if you went to a movie > by yourself! 3 points if you went out with a girlfriend!" > You put together a plan for finding an eligible man, and then > you execute it coldbloodedly. I'll skip the details (they're > nothing new; indeed, they're ancient); The author isn't saying that being out alone is better than being out with a girlfriend, or that the latter is better than being home alone. She's merely rating them for the likelyhood of meeting men. If a woman doesn't want to grow old alone -- if she wants a family, then she's ought to marry. And to do that, she's got to meet a man. What's wrong with that? > In the world of this book, the woman who grabs a man > in the shortest period of time wins. The author makes no > mention of the fact that in the long run, this woman is very > likely to lose. And so, equally, will the man she marries. For a woman approaching the end of her safe child-bearing years, it's critical to meet the right man SOON. I think the "30 days" part of the title is merely a gimmick. The reader may hope to MEET the man to marry within thirty days, but nobody suggests she would actually marry him that quickly. This is analogous to the "how to pick up girls" books, whose titles seem to promise secret techniques to talk a stranger into bed, but actually these books say flat out that this is a self-defeating goal. Instead they tell how to INITIATE relationships (i.e. how to meet people). > There is no discussion (even as a by-the-way) of things like trust, > respect, liking, love, humor, and a warm sexual relationship as > important aspects of a marriage-bound relationship. > (Sex, in fact, is seen merely as more bait: "No man marries a woman > he hasn't slept with.") Indeed, there is no concept of a *developing* > relationship at all; no realization that a good marriage is founded > on qualities like those I mentioned above, all of which take *time* > to solidify. > > What I want to stress is the fact that this book places the titular > above the reality: a "husband" is the goal and the man behind the title > is perceived as an unimportant detail. Finding a man to marry has two aspects: first, attracting some men, and second, choosing from among the men you attract. Rather than cover both sides of the problem superficially, this book concentrates on the first aspect. And why not? There are already plenty of other books on relationship building. > ...it *does* work...) That, right there, is the best endorsement you could give it. Frank Silbermann
moiram@tektronix.UUCP (Moira Mallison ) (08/21/85)
>> HOW TO FIND A HUSBAND IN THIRTY DAYS >> >> Have any of the women out there bought this book yet and, if so, what did >> you think of it? >> >> John Ruschmeyer I was relieved to see that this book was in the Humor section, rather than the self-help section of the bookstore I visited. Moira Mallison tektronix!moiram
moiram@tektronix.UUCP (Moira Mallison ) (08/23/85)
In article <184@unc.unc.UUCP> fsks@unc.UUCP (Frank Silbermann) writes: >Since this book is the female equivalent of "How to Pick Up Girls", >I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at the hostile reaction in net.singles. >> You begin by making >> yourself as attractive as possible, first by taking a little >> quiz to find the areas that need improvement. >This is merely being realistic. Virtually every man I know will reject >a woman merely for not looking good enough, though the standard of what >is good enough will vary from man to man. No, Frank, you've simplified it too much. The emphasis on making yourself "as attractive as possible" is in Madison Avenue terms. Another question from the quiz is: You read the following magazines every month (one point for each): Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Vogue, Harper's Bazaar, Mademoiselle. Other high point items are polished nails, wearing cologne daily, wearing make-up all the time, etc. > >> In the world of this book, the woman who grabs a man >> in the shortest period of time wins. The author makes no >> mention of the fact that in the long run, this woman is very >> likely to lose. And so, equally, will the man she marries. > >For a woman approaching the end of her safe child-bearing years, >it's critical to meet the right man SOON. NO! not necesssarily. There are a *LOT* of other options. Besides, it doesn't sound (from Nancy's description - she was able to stomach the book longer than I) as if there were any emphasis on "right" man, at all. >This is analogous to the "how to pick up girls" books ... >they tell how to INITIATE relationships (i.e. how to meet people). > >> What I want to stress is the fact that this book places the titular >> above the reality: a "husband" is the goal and the man behind the title >> is perceived as an unimportant detail. Frank, have you read the book? If not, why not accept that it may be as shallow as Nancy says? Moira Mallison tektronix!moiram
chabot@miles.DEC (All God's chillun got guns) (08/23/85)
Frank Silberman > Since this book is the female equivalent of "How to Pick Up Girls", > I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at the hostile reaction in net.singles. No, this books isn't the equivalent of "HtPUG"--not by the title: the title indicates *marriage*. Does HtPUG advocate marriage?--this isn't a rhetorical question, I haven't read it, so I don't know. But at any rate, on the *covers* these two books are very different: HtPUG says it's for men who want to get dating while HtFaHiTD says it's for women who want to end their dating days (oh, all right, their *single* dating days) (and there isn't any indication *from the titles* that HtPUG isn't for married men, while HtFaHiTD is). > If a woman doesn't want to grow old alone -- if she wants a family, > then she's ought to marry. And to do that, she's got to meet a man. > What's wrong with that? Er, your stereotypes are showing. Gee, I know plenty of women who have families and who don't have a husband. Some never did. And I know of some who never had to meet a man to have their family. That's what's wrong with that. [-: Besides, everybody can learn to pick up "girls": you put your hands under their arms and lift them over your head (tickling them is fun), but only do it while they continue to shriek and giggle--stop if they get scared. This method also works for boys. Of course, to get your own girl or boy to pick up, first you have to have a family, and for that, if you're a man, you need to meet a woman, or maybe an adoption agency. Other common ways to pick up girls or boys (your own or your friends') is at the elementary school, with a station wagon, and then you take them to scouts or dancing lessons or little league or hockey or piano lessons. :-] > For a woman approaching the end of her safe child-bearing years, > it's critical to meet the right man SOON. Yes, well, for a woman approaching the beginning of her safe child-bearing years, it's critical that she not jump the gun! Purchase of this book should require proof of date of birth of all who might read it. :-) >> ...it *does* work...) > > That, right there, is the best endorsement you could give it. No, it's not. Nancy's point was that the book spends all it's time on the gimmicks of attraction, but none on any discussion of why or what to look for or whether or not you *should* be rushing into something like this. By your own article, you said that the HtPUG does talk about relationships (and like you said, there are plenty of books that talk about that!). And anyway, the female equivalent of HtPUG would be HtPUH, but the H would be for Hunks not Husbands, no? :-) Giving this book to a woman friend is very likely to be a bad idea. The only case I can think of it being an okay idea is if she has asked explicitly for it, and then you'll be doing her a favor by buying it for her so that she doesn't have to go through the embarassment (and you might do her a bigger favor by telling her Nancy's review before buying it). Husband-hunting, for one thing, is a non-communicative social disease; or at least it's socially unacceptable to announce, like bed-wetting. (Would you got to B Daltons and purchase a copy of _How_to_Stop_Bed-Wetting_in_30_Days?) :-) It's not that there's anything inherently icky about it, however, the stereotypical monomaniacal husband-hunter isn't anything that anyone wants to be taken for. Husband-hunting isn't a fulfilling career, it won't bring you a meaningful life. Giving this book to a friend is risky--if you're very well acquainted with her and know it will be taken as a joke, okay, but even jokes sometimes backfire. Who wants to suspect that their friends have labelled them a husband-hunter? An old maid? Not that it's bad not to be married, but who wants friends that think it's bad? (Females and males can experience this kind of pressure from family and friends, especially married friends it seems.) From Nancy's review, the book also stresses improving your appearance: folks, unattractive does not imply unmarriageable, and unmarried does not imply unattractive, not to mention that attractiveness does not reside solely in the domain of physical appearance (natural or enhanced). Do you really want to give your friend the suspicion that you think she needs a husband or that she's ugly? Nancy, thanks for posting that review and satisfying the curiosity of not a few. L S Chabot ...decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-amber!chabot chabot%amber.dec@decwrl.arpa
features@ihuxf.UUCP (aMAZon) (08/27/85)
> >> HOW TO FIND A HUSBAND IN THIRTY DAYS > >> > >> Have any of the women out there bought this book yet and, if so, what did > >> you think of it? > >> > >> John Ruschmeyer > > I was relieved to see that this book was in the Humor section, rather than > the self-help section of the bookstore I visited. > > Moira Mallison > tektronix!moiram Gee, I never thought it was so difficult to find husbands. I know several, but they're all attached to other women. Oh, you mean "How to find your *own* husband in 30 days"? I'm sure I'd be more careful than to lose the guy for 30 days! :-) -- aMAZon @ AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL; ihnp4!ihuxf!features