bch@unc.UUCP (Byron Howes ) (09/27/83)
The Latest Cult Hero -- Dr. J.R. (Bob) Dobbs
By Stephen G. Bloom
Dallas Morning News
DALLAS -- First there was the Gilgamesh, then the Bible, the Koran, the
Book of Mormon, Dianetics, "I'm OK, You're OK," and now, "The Book of
the SubGenius."
Or so says Doug Smith (a.k.a. Ivan Stang) who -- along with three
Dallas friends, Lamont Duvoe (Dr. X), John Hagen (Satellite Weavers)
and Philo Drummond -- has collected the thoughts of a strange and
bizarre messiah, Dr. J.R. (Bob) Dobbs.
Pipe-smoking Dr. Bob, who bears an uncanny resemblance to both
Beaver Cleaver's father, Ward, and comic strip hero Mark Trail, may or
may not exist. But that is not important says Smith, 30.
"Dr. Bob is too busy to be interviewed," Smith says defiantly.
"He's off communing with the elder gods of the universe."
Dobbs is the leader of a New Wave cult group called the SubGenius,
whose principles first were espoused in a 1978 pamphlet that has become
an underground classic. The Dallas-based cult's newest offering is the
best-selling "Book of the SubGenius" (MacGraw-Hill, $9.95).
The transition from pamphlet to a professionally produced book
wasn't anything planned by Smith and the rest of Dobbs' disciples.
Last year, McGraw-Hill contacted Smith with a book offer after one of
its editors had been slipped the pamphlet at a company picnic. That,
along with news of the peculiar First World SubGenius Convention
actually held at Dealey Plaza on Nov. 22, 1981 was enough for
publishers to think money could be made by spreading Dr. Bob's gospel.
Smith hired a Chicago agent he describes as a "very sane,
50-year-old woman not addicted to drugs or anything," who started a
bidding war for the book, which doubled the hefty advance money.
McGraw-Hill's Tim McGuiness sold the publishing company's marketing
division on the idea of the book.
"I had this gut feeling it would do well," he says.
"Word-of-mouth advertising that this was a comic, underground satire
has sold the book for us. Not everyone picks up on the spoof. It's on
a frequency only dogs and select humans can hear."
Enough people have bought Bob's 184-page philosophy for
MacGraw-Hill to commission a second printing only five weeks after the
book was released -- highly unusual for a first book written by an
unknown.
But then again, Bob and his disciples are not very usual. One has
to have watched the "Addams Family" to appreciate the strangeness of
Dr. Bob's world headquarters, Smith's East Dallas home. Vintage comic
books are stacked on a stand in the living room; posters of Idi Amin
and Captain Beefheart decorate the upstairs; a green and red
papier-mache dinosaur decorates the foyer.
Meanwhile, Smith's wife, Shelby, a petite woman wearing a skimpy
purple bikini, extols the virtues of broccoli to their two young
children, who wander around the house naked.
Smith, who wrote most of the book and is probably the most
knowledgeable of Dr. Bob's scribes, graduated 12 years ago from St.
Mark's School, which he calls "one of the conspiracy's (translation:
establishment's) most important bastions, composed of twisted and
bizarre minds."
He became an independent film maker in Dallas, doing animated
wacko movies. His most celebrated, shown in art houses throughout the
United States: "Reproduction Cycle," a 15-minute short about sex among
microbes on Mars, and "Let's Visit the World of the Future," an
X-rated, punk travelogue.
By April, 1978, Smith and his cohorts had cooked up the idea of
writing about Dr. Bob. As Dallas journalist David Seeley, who has
followed the cult's mysterious exploits since its beginning, has
written, "People out there were watching 'Laverne and Shirley,' reading
Reader's Digest and chewing 32 times before swallowing, and it seemed
to Drummond, Smith and Duvoe that they were the only ones who knew how
screwed up the world really was."
The three began collecting pamphlets from UFO cults, Atlantis
aficionados, John Birch Society chapters, Scientology freaks, white
supremacy groups and Hare Krishna devotees. "We realized it would be
easy to mix them up in one pile and come out with something better,"
Smith says.
Whether the world was ready or not, Dr. Bob was introduced through
an appropriately demented, 16-page pamphlet. His disciples sold the
pamphlet for $1, recommending that converts spread the gospel by
leaving it in laundromats and restrooms.
But just who is Dr. J.R. (Bob) Dobbs, the man with that
obnoxiously self-assured smile?
Only this much is known: Bob is about 60 years old. His father
was a Mayan pharmacist, his mother the relative of an Irish
revolutionary. Bob became a millionaire at age 6, and while in high
school received a degree in law through a correspondence course. He
did top-secret intelligence work during World War II, then became an
author (his 'Sleeping for Fitness' was a best seller). Finally, he
went into business and became an awning salesman extraordinaire.
He leads a motley assemblage of family: wife, Connie (his
first-grade sweetheart), his five sons (Bubba, Bobby Jr., Adam Kadman,
Shem and Shaun) and his daughter (her name has never been released for
fear of her being kidnapped).
Bob, his disciples say, is everywhere. "He might be infiltrating
the Austral Plane(CQ) or be on Skid Row giving a bum a haircut or
tumbling in bed, extracting secrets from some conspiracy wench,"
according to "The Book of the SubGenius."
What has garnered such a following for Dr. Bob is his carefree
philosophy, which is a cross between Alfred E. Newman's and Ozzy
Osbourne's.
His motto is "Slack off!" which translates to doing what you want
to do whenever you want to do it. "The world is a turkey," according
to "The Book of the SubGenius," "and Bob gives you the carving knife."
No religion would be complete without a prescribed death ritual.
Bob's recommendations are not for the queasy. "The great honor for any
SubGenius is to have his head mounted on Bob's rumpus room wall, or his
skull made into one of Dobbs' ritual ashtrays. Give of yourself and
you will be assured of special treatment on The Other Side."
Interested readers who wish to become Dr. Bob devotees should know
how to salute fellow parishioners. Put an index finger to the throat,
run it up and down over the Adam's apple fast and gurgle "EYIYIYI."
Actual churches of Dr. Bob followers have been established.
Active congregations exist in New York, Chicago, San Francisco, Austin,
Minneapolis and Boston -- but not in Dallas. "It's too straight a
city," says Smith.
In Berkeley, there is even a weekly Dr. Bob radio show. Scribe
Smith estimates about 30,000 followers adhere to the cult.
Abandoned 1950's motels, gas stations and hamburger stands are
recommended as potential sites of worship. Typical Dr. Bob ceremonies
start with congregants screaming at the top of their lungs, followed by
a general pelting of the self-ordained minister with coins. The
donations are not tax-deductible, however; the SubGenius Foundation is
a profit-making business incorporated within Dallas County. Even Dr.
Bob's face is protected with a registered trademark.
All the writing of "The Book of the SubGenius," as well as most of
the production work, was accomplished at Smith's house. It took six
months to complete the manuscript for McGraw-Hill.
The last thing Smith wants is for the cult to be swallowed up by
an egocentric leader. "If we get too big, were going to have to kill
Bob. I'd hate to do it. But he doesn't need the money. I want it."
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Transcribed without permission from The Chapel Hill Newspaper 9/26/83
Byron Howes
UNC - Chapel Hill
duke!unc!bchrlr@pyuxn.UUCP (Rich Rosen) (09/28/83)
At last! An up front, non-hypocritical religion! Pelt the minister with coins! Offer your skull in tribute to Bob (you didn't have much use for it anyway)! Why can't other religions be as forthright and honest as this one?
pete@pegasus.UUCP (09/29/83)
As Bob says: "Pull the Wool over your own eyes"
riddle@ut-sally.UUCP (09/29/83)
Doesn't this belong in net.suicide?