gregbo@houxm.UUCP (Greg Skinner) (09/02/84)
Somebody posted this to net.singles, and I think discussion of this should continue (but not in net.singles). > I happen to have a theory about my observations. The teenagers I was > associated with in my church were there not by choice. All had parents > who were highly visible members. I think the parents did something wrong > by forcing these kids to grow up in the way they saw proper. It turned them > into little devils. Too many restrictions or rules results in alienation > and a search for freedom. They turn out exactly opposite to what the parents > wished in their quest to become independent individuals. All they ever heard > was you can't do this or that and must do these things. I could clearly see > that this was wrong. I was brought up differently. My parents were not church > goers. But they had the foresight to introduce me to the church environment. > They wanted to make sure I was exposed to all aspects of life. The decision > was always mine though. I went to church on my own accord for most of my > life. No pressure either way. I grew up with no restrictions and no rules > with regard to anything. I thank my parents endlessly for this gift. > I no longer am a church goer. I chose that I no longer wanted to associate > with those people. I feel I can be a good if not better Christian without > a need to rely on a church. Even though the members claim to be Christians, > in my way of thinking they are not. I would like to offer my opinions on how children should be raised religiously. I was raised as an Episcopalian. My mother was a Catholic but my father was raised in the CME (Colored Methodist Episcopalian) church. My parents had differing views on the importance of religion in *their* lives, not mine. Both were in favor of me and my sister getting baptized at birth, going to Sunday school and getting confirmed. However, my father wanted all of us to attend church together, whereas my mother did not want to attend. She claimed that "since she had Catholic training, she had done everything she needed to do as far as church went". Often, she would stay at home and fix breakfast while the rest of us went to church. I recall my parents arguing about this a lot, but nothing really came of it as my mother refused to back down. Sometime after my sister and I got confirmed (I think I was about 12) we stopped going to church at all. I guess my father was starting to give up on the idea of the whole family attending church, so none of us went. Lacking religious train- ing, I stopped believeing in God. When I got to college, I accepted Christ into my life and met a whole new set of people, some born-again and some raised in the Church. There are advan- tages to being raised in the Church as a youngster. There is scripture which hints at this: "I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the king- dom of God like a little child will never enter it." (Mark 10:15 NIV) This is not to say that if you *aren't* a child you *can't* enter the kingdom of God -- the key word here is "like". Yet, as a young child is growing, it is best that he be given a strong moral foundation to build upon, and if the parents are Christians it seems reasonable to me that Christian education be given as soon as the child is able to receive it. I myself wish that I had continued my Christian education upon entering my teens -- it would have given me a great deal of stability and direction which I could have benefitted from in my teens. Some of the people I met who were raised in the Church had a maturity, patience and understanding that I did not cultivate for many years. However, there are also advantages to being born-again. It was an exciting time for me in my first few months as a born-again Christian. I met some really good people and gained some useful direction at a crucial period in my life. As I grew in Christ, however, I noticed that some of the people who were raised in Christ as youngsters had the attitude that they had al- ready "made it" (like my mother) and knew everything they needed to know. Others exhibited the behavior in the above article: they were wild, some- times impudent and acting contrary to their parents' wishes. In this in- stance, I think every Christian should go through a "re-dedication" period (this was often done at the church I belonged to in college). The scrip- ture that backs this up is: "I tell you the truth, unless a man be born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God." (John 3:5) Every Christian should make sure he is filled by the Spirit, and shouldn't just go on the notion that "I've already been through all that." From the day you are born until the day you die, there are a world of things to learn about Christianity. The most important thing I'd like to stress is that children be brought up with consistency. Due to the inconsistency of my mother's attitude to her own spiritual nourishment, I think some problems were caused for me and my sister which came out as we became teenagers. I know it has been said that teaching religion to your children is a form of "brainwashing" and that you should leave your children to form their own ideas. Well, within the scope of religious training, I cannot agree. To Christians, this is the *most* important training the child can have, for with it the child will be able to experience the full fruits of the Spirit. And the child should not have a divided training (like I had) because it could lead to all sorts of confusion. Well, I'll just sit back and let the flames pour in. I'll be waiting to hear your comments, by mail and followups. -- Hug me till you drug me, honey! Greg Skinner (gregbo) {allegra,cbosgd,ihnp4}!houxm!gregbo
holt@convex.UUCP (09/07/84)
#R:houxm:-87800:convex:45700021:000:1703 convex!holt Sep 7 13:29:00 1984 > The most important thing I'd like to stress is that children be brought up > with consistency. > > Greg Skinner (gregbo) Greg, Yours is an interesting story. I agree with you that children should be brought up with consistency, but perhaps disagree with what that consistency should consist of. I was brought up in a very consistent, religious environment. I went to bible study classes each saturday, sunday school and services on sunday morning, and young peoples meetings on sunday nights. The approach was consistent. What was missing was the acceptance of questions. I always had questions about this or that. About why God would act one way in one story, and an opposite way in another. About why, if God were so merciful, he would punish non-believers with Hell, even if they were the most virtuous of the virtuous. And so on. The problem was, and still is, that those who teach religion, are for the most part incapable of dealing with children who ask questions. Especially if the questions mirror those which they themselves have. I have no easy answer. I do appreciate my religious upbringing. I think the ethos it taught me is invaluable. I want my children to be brought up in such an environment, but I want them to be able to ask questions and be rewarded for it. I think it is important in this age of increasingly sophisticated propaganda that our children learn to question what they are told, and decipher for themselves what is truth, what is hypothesis, and what is falsehood. And it is important that they learn value and respect of others. Where is the compromise? Dave Holt Convex Computer Corp. {allegra,ihnp4,uiucdcs,ctvax}!convex!holt