[net.religion] Kissing God's Ass

dmcanzi@watdcsu.UUCP (David Canzi [dcs]) (10/17/84)

In his "rebuttal" to Tim Maroney, Ken Nichols unwittingly does a really
good job of supporting Tim Maroney.  Below are some representative excerpts
from his article.  It took me about an hour to select these, and shorten some
of the wordier parts.  There were many more things I could have included,
but I want to be merciful to my readers, who have only a finite amount of
time for reading.

**** Start of Excerpts ****
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It just
gets me sooo irked to hear people condemn God because He doesn't follow what
humans consider moral standards.  God makes all the standards, not man.

No human or animal or plant or planet or star or sun or anything in this 
universe has the "right" to exist and not be blown to atoms by the breath of
Almighty God. ...  He can chose to uncreate the universe
with one word if He so desires.  We have no "rights" in the sight of a perfect
God. ...

...Man's sin as a result of his free will is what flawed him in the garden. ...
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... because of man's sin in his self dependency, God had no
choice but to send man to this awful place of torment and eternal seperation
from God.
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Justice must be meted out to those who insist on going there own way.
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-> ... "And in his anger
->the master handed him over to the torturers till he should pay all his debt.
->And that is how my heavenly Father will deal with you unless you each
->forgive your brother from your heart."
-
Man deserves even worse for his blatent hatred and rebellion against God.
Look what mankind did to Jesus Christ.  Was it justice that had Him murdered
when He had commited no sin?
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God does have amazing infinite compassion and mercy.
Why look, he's letting your body live another second!  That's more compassion
and mercy than any of us deserve.  
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God is perfectly justified in having the Israelites wipe out the other races
in Canan, all mankind deserves anihilation.  Anyway, why should God have to
be justified in doing anything, he is all powerfull, are you.
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Man doesn't have one single right in the presence of Almighty God. ...
God will function fine without
your worship that He so richly deserves here on earth.  There will come a day
when all mankind will worship (I can't wait!) God the way He deserves, on our
knees.
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**** End of Excerpts ****

So, I think it is fair to sum up the above as follows:
1) Morality is whatever God says it is, because he can effortlessly blow
   anyone who disagrees away.
2) We are all guilty of Adam's and Eve's rebelliousness.  We are all guilty of
   crucifying Christ.  If this doesn't make sense to you, see rule 1.
3) God gave us free will, but people caught actually using it are subject to
   eternal punishment.
4) All mankind deserves eternal torment, not because of anything done
   wrong, but just because.  See rule 1.  
5) If you spend your life praising God, and insisting that you are undeserving
   (lest you inadvertently stray into feeling pride), God may see fit to have
   mercy on you, though you are slime.

I think the title of my article describes Ken Nichols's method for getting to
heaven.  Below is my idea of the correct way to pray to Ken's god:

Oh, Lord, you are great and powerful; in your sight I am lower than a worm.
You are wise and wonderful; I am but two-day-old maggot-infested dog shit to
you.  If I lick your mighty feet, will you mercifully refrain from turning me
into carp food?  If I kiss your holy ass will you resist the understandable
urge to evaporate me on the spot?

	Waiting for the lightning to strike,
	David Canzi, watdcsu!dmcanzi