paulina (02/02/83)
I, too, am debating whether to have a child in the future. I am an engineer and feel that if I were to take a 'significant' amount of time off (several years), I would probably never be able to come back into the industry. It would be nice in some sense if my partner and I could trade who worked and who stayed home but since we are both in professions which change a LOT over time, it just isn't practical. In spite of that, we want children very much. It doesn't seem right to say that one of us must be willing to not only take several years off but also to change professions. We both love what we do and we are good at it. This doesn't mean that we cannot love and care for a child. I find it encouraging to read some of the thoughtful efforts at finding a solution to this dilemna. It is faced by many working women and increasingly by working men who feel that they, too, are responsible for their childrens care. There are no ideal solutions and currently women bear the brunt of this problem. As time goes on, we need to find ways to share the burdens and the pleasures of child-rearing across both parents. As an aside, it seems to me that the problem is not caused so much by the fact that both parents tend to hold jobs outside of the home now, as by the fact that the extended family doesn't seem to exist any more. During much of history, both parents have worked. What is different now is that we don't have lots of siblings, parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles to help share the burden. I would like to see society move in a direction where we can generate this type of extended family support (preferably among people who are not blood relatives). And to those who are so willing to condemn other people for their most personal choices, back off !!! Let us try to make this a forum for generating helpful and interesting discussions not a forum for attacking other peoples beliefs and choices.
paulina (02/02/83)
I, too, am debating whether to have a child in the future. I am an engineer and feel that if I were to take a 'significant' amount of time off (several years), I would probably never be able to come back into the industry. It would be nice in some sense if my partner and I could trade who worked and who stayed home but since we are both in professions which change a LOT over time, it just isn't practical. In spite of that, we want children very much. It doesn't seem right to say that one of us must be willing to not only take several years off but also to change professions. We both love what we do and we are good at it. This doesn't mean that we cannot love and care for a child. I find it encouraging to read some of the thoughtful efforts at finding a solution to this dilemna. It is faced by many working women and increasingly by working men who feel that they, too, are responsible for their childrens care. There are no ideal solutions and currently women bear the brunt of this problem. As time goes on, we need to find ways to share the burdens and the pleasures of child-rearing across both parents. As an aside, it seems to me that the problem is not caused so much by the fact that both parents tend to hold jobs outside of the home now, as by the fact that the extended family doesn't seem to exist any more. During much of history, both parents have worked. What is different now is that we don't have lots of siblings, parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles to help share the burden. I would like to see society move in a direction where we can generate this type of extended family support (preferably among people who are not blood relatives).