rlh (01/26/83)
My wife has been babysitting off and on for the past 7 years for working mothers. The children are so neglected and abused you wouldn't believe it. They say they can work and still be a good mother but if you saw the children my wife took care of you would know different. The children were very insecure, dirty (they all had diaper rash), sick most of the time, and dressed very sloppy. They were so hungry for love and attention it made me very angry to think someone could treat their own children that way. I'm not talking about 1 or 2 mothers. My wife has worked for at least 8 different working (selfish) mothers and all the children could be described as above. Most working mothers feel guilty and with good reason. Women with children have responsibilty to take care of their children properly. While the mothers are out at work doing their thing the children are at home doing their thing (drugs, sex, crime). When the womens movement started teenage pregnancies jumped 200%, drug usage soared, crime increased. I think all of these are directly related to women working and not home taking care of their children. I know this will make alot of people angry but, the truth usually hurts.
arens (01/27/83)
Where do people like "decvax!harpo!ihnp4!ihuxl!rlh (Roger Hardin)" come from? "When the womens movement started teenage pregnancies jumped 200%, drug usage soared, crime increased." Does he think something like this deserves a serious reply?!? Yigal Arens UC Berkeley
bmcjmp (01/27/83)
And what abou the fathers of these children? Are they not also to blame? After all, these are their kids too!!!! Barb Puder burdvax!bmcjmp
welsch (01/27/83)
The tone of the original article implies that women are "more" responsible for their children than men. I disagree. Men are just as responsible for neglect of children as women are. Don't blame the mother if a child is neglected, blame both parents equally. Some people are not cut out to be parents. Larry Welsch houxj!welsch
gnu (01/28/83)
Why don't fathers with children have the responsibility of being home taking care of their children? The person's wife who was taking care of children for "working mothers" was also taking care of children for "working fathers". (This applies whether or not they are married.) Don't put all the blame on the mothers -- just because men are not taught how to take care of babies in this sick society, they are not relieved of the responsibility for tending, supporting, teaching, and loving their own babies. John Gilmore -- who hopes to never bring a baby into this world, and is damn glad the law isn't trying to tell me my sperm is "alive" and belongs to itself. PS: Though you'd be surprised how much government-inspired garbage you have to go thru to get that simple "15 minutes in the doctor's office" procedure called vasectomy.
taylor (01/28/83)
I agree with the sentiment, but I question why only the Mothers have a responsibility towards the kids. What happened to us Men? Nonetheless, I think that Child Abuse (in any form) is about the worst crime there is. -- Dave Taylor
ardis (01/28/83)
#R:ihuxl:-29700:uiucdcs:31600001:000:779 uiucdcs!ardis Jan 28 10:07:00 1983 Most young children get diaper rash occasionally. This is not surprising, since the only sure ways of avoiding it are to change diapers every hour, or not to put anything on the child's bottom. Most young children get dirty. A child that does not get dirty is probably not doing enough exploring. I would be very worried if my son did not get dirty. Most young children crave attention and love. Who would not? None of these observations are signs of abuse. I know a lot of young children with these "symptoms" who have caring, responsible mothers (and fathers). Almost all of the mothers stay at home. As a father, I would never trust my child to the care of anyone who could not distinguish between normal maladies of life (such as diaper rash) and serious illness.
gil (01/29/83)
I don't understand why the title of this article was Working (selfish) Mothers and not Working (selfish) Parents. Isn't it the responsibility of both parents to care for, nurture, educate, etc. their children? Why must the mother be singled out solely because she is the one that bears the child \before/ it is born. If working parents are selfish then most fathers have been selfish for a long, long time. I wish there were more places of employment which provided parents with daycare service; if these services could be provided at the place of employment, so much the better, because then all employees whose children were being so cared for could participate in the care. I realize that this would require a drastic change in most workplaces, but isn't it worth it?
mts (01/31/83)
At the cost of brevity, my initial response (to the young woman deciding whether to have children) seems to have been grossly misunderstood. I am working 40 hours a week for economic and personal reasons. I am exceptionally lucky in having the best babysitter that a woman would want for her children -- my mother. (But let's not knock the other warm, loving women out there who are very capable of this task.) But, I must say, I really love my two little girls. My husband and I spend more time with our children on weekends and in the evenings than with anything or anyone else.(that's why my house rarely gets cleaned). My one most important point was directed to the young woman's anxiety about burnout, where I feel it's so important to take care of your personal needs to avoid burnout. I was exaggerating about being just 'fed and healthy', because I'm the first one to do arts & crafts, play educ. games, visit museums, etc. with my older daughter. It's not easy being a working mother. I can sympathize with those unfortunate women who don't have supportive husbands and mothers to assist in their needs. But it is definitely the most difficult task you can tackle -- being a mother and a career-person. I make 2.5 times the amount my husband makes -- that's the major reason I work. If I didn't work, I probably wouldn't be able to have and raise the two darling children we have. One final point, if you can bear with me. Last week, my older daughter was in the hospital for 5 days. If I'm such a 'selfish' mother, how come I stayed there with her the entire time, 24 hours a day, since this was the first time she'd been in a hospital, and it was a frightening experience for her. I don't likeit when some people make rash comments and label certain women as being selfish for whatever reason. I respect women for whatever they decide to do with their lives-- be it only wife, only mother, both mother and career-person, or whatever. Every woman has a legitimate reason for being and doing with her life as she chooses. And I will openly support that right and privilege. P.S. thanks Yigal, etal. mt sarantakos (MTS) !houxo!mts
janetr (02/03/83)
mts--thanks for your followup letter. I'm also a working mother with a very high commitment to my children (I have a 5-year-old and am expecting a baby). I agree with you that burnout is a real issue, although it was as much of an issue for me when my son was a baby and I stayed home fulltime. Whether you're providing fulltime loving childcare or working at an outside job plus doing intensive after-hours parenting, you're putting out *a lot* of caring energy, and it's absolutely essential to do whatever you need to do to replenish your own stores. (For me, that means having some time to myself each week.) The other thing that cheered me about your letter is the attitude of tolerance and respect for other peoples' choices that you expressed. It was especially welcome after reading some of the misanthropic intolerance expressed by some of the anti-abortion netwriters, who manage to dismiss any difference of opinion or feeling by accusing the other person of self-justification or delusion.