[net.women] Raising children alone

wsp (02/03/83)

I'd like to contribute my experiences raising two daughters by myself
while  I was finishing my doctorate and then later as I was
supporting myself, first teaching and then in industry.

It is not an easy task to raise children under any circumstances; the
plight of a single mother in this country is especially difficult and
little understood or supported by society.  Carping about latch key
children does little to alleviate the problem.

I began raising my kids  on my own when they were 4 and 1.  I was
helped through school by a subsidized daycare center, without which I
would have had to rely on the catch-as-catch-can of co-operative
babysitting.  The daycare center was co-operative, requiring me to
spend 8 hours a week at the center.  I believe this helped me maintain
some contact with my girls, but I don't think it was essential.  What
was essential to them (by their account) was my active participation in
the center, building fences, cleaning up, contributing meals, and the
quality of the primary caretakers.

After I began my career, my girls were starting school.  For the first
few years, they went to county-licensed neighbor women for afterschool
time.  This was not always satisfactory because the quality of the care
was spotty.  I soon found it better for the kids to come home by
themselves.

Currently, my daughters are 15 and 12.  They are fine young women with
healthy attitudes about themselves and others.  Sometimes I think that
it is easier to raise one's children alone, not  financially but
emotionally, but I will save that discussion for another time.

Peter Benson
ittdcd-west
(619)578-3080