naomi (02/12/83)
#N:ubc-medgen:5600001:000:2055 ubc-medgen!naomi Feb 10 13:14:00 1983 Why is it that everyone is so concerned about a parent's right to work/stay at home, but I never hear a word about the right of parents to embroil children in messy divorce and custody cases. From everything I've heard and seen, divorce is much more devasting for a child than spending a few hours a day in daycare or with a baby-sitter. What duty do the parents have to the children if they feel they can no longer live with the other parent? When is divorce the best alternative and when should the parents "stay together for the sake of the children?" I think that many of the issues here are the same as those for working parents. Is it possible to differentiate between necessity (working because the family is poor; separating because of abuse) and pursuit of happiness (working for self-fulfillment; separating because you have found a new love)? Does the child need quantity (the parent at home; both parents in the same home) more than quality (parents feel fulfilled)? Flamers please note: I am not suggesting that parents who stay home with their children are not fulfilled any more than I am suggesting that people who stay married are not fulfilled. I am asking whether, for the sake of the children, it is better for those who do not feel fulfilled in their current roles as homemakers or spouses to seek fulfillment or to stay in their current roles. Just for the record, I am a single working woman who plans to marry and have children one of these days. I hope not to divorce (don't we all) and I'd like to keep on working if possible. My current boyfriend earns about half my salary and is open-minded about being a househusband or our both working part-time. I am also a Girl Guide (Scout for you Americans) leader, and I can't say I notice much difference between girls (aged 9-12) who having working parents and those who have a parent at home; or between girls from one parent or two parent families. But I sure notice a difference between girls whose parents don't give them attention and those whose parents do.