pat@ih1ap.UUCP (06/30/83)
Recently I have found out about two couples getting divorced which are very similar to my own experience and many other examples in the last 5 years. I have a theory which explains what is happening but might cause a few women to flame at me. My observations are in no way meant to blame all divorces on women, but just explain the 2 or 3 divorces that I was closely related to. The American value system as taught to us by the WWII parents that created us is based on two or three principles: 1). Get married 2). Get a good job 3). Buy a house 4). Have children Because of the war, many of our parents (probably most) never achieved these goals until later in life. Remember later means 40's because the average life span was something like 62 in the 40's. The media, the war, the music, and all culture was based on EMPHASIZING the value of the family and indirectly these values. Today, our culture is based on do your own thing, selfishness, and sex. We achieve these values when we are 30 years old and ask ourselves whar remains in life. There is but one answer to this question. DO IT AGAIN! So we give up all that our parents charished to get divorced and find a new one to do it all again with. Women have another driving reason to give it all up. Please understand these comment as my observations. Most women fear growing old and losing their beauty. The entire culture shows YOUNG women doing YOUNG things. Examples are shows like, "The Young and the Restless", hair coloring, the ivory commercial which you pick the mother, etc.. When a women reaches the 30's after having children, owning a house,boat, and whatever there is noting left to attain. Some are lucky and begin careers which satisfy there new needs. But most find only the same feeling between them and their friends and loose the married image. They picture themselves young and single moving on the Richard Geere types in some singles bar. The lure of romance and the newness of being loved appeals to them until they finally form a mental image of this thing. The same principle to buying a car. Your car is fine until you SIT behind the wheel of the new car. Then you must have it! Well, this is getting alittle long, but I have so much to cover. I am interested as to examples you might have that demonstrate the correlation or lack of to these ideas from your own acquaintances. Patrick A. Fargo (On the second time around!) BTL - IH (ih1ap!fargo)
prgclb@ihuxm.UUCP (07/01/83)
Pat Fargo presented some interesting ideas as to why a few "middle-age" couples he knows are getting divorced. Let me add a speculation or two from a few divorces I've been witnessing. It seems that these women and men were married when the old value system was in force -- i.e. men, get a job, make lots of money, climb the corporate ladder, and expect your loving wife to stay home keeping up your house and raising your kids. Women -- make a good home for your husband and raise your kids. Now we have a new set of values -- women, excel to your potential, consider the entire workplace fair game, take on that corporate ladder. Men -- take a *real* share in keeping up the home and raising the kids. Now -- among the age 40 - 50 couples I've seen, the women are buying in to the new values, but their husbands aren't. Result -- friction. Older couples are still doing fine with the old values. Both partners among younger couples are buying in to the new values together. But that middle-aged group, . . .? Again -- just speculation, not documented fact . . . Carl Blesch Bell Labs - Naperville, Ill. IH 2A-159, (312) 979-3360 ihuxm!prgclb